Isnt it funny when you feel you are gaining wieght and are just too scared to even hop on the scales then you go to the Dr and he says 'step on the scales' and when I did....................................................................I hadnt put on hardly anything compared to what I thought. I was 87kg and I was sure i was up to about 95. Im so relieved and Im going to try harder and leave the alcohol alone for a night or two,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nah just one night to start with lol. I have just gotton back from fishing. Friggen KMart fishing rods. $50 buys you a good day of fishing then the whole sucker just explodes in your hands and the winder bit flew of the jetty and some screws when shooting off in another direction. So no more fishing until I get me a good rod. I just love it though. Its a pity I never liked it as a kid as mum and dad were both avid fisherman. Ah well I never liked cauliflour either but I do now lol. xx

Thanks for all your positive comments and e mails about the smoking blog. I felt like a real bitch for moaning about it but then someone said to me today that they got shit for taking a 10 min toilet break (cant hurry these things) from some of the other staff. Let them say that to me and see the fireworks lol.
Different note. Going to Dr tomorrow to get my thyroid checked on the minuscule chance its ground to a halt. I cant seem to shift weight even when I am relatively good and eat tiny amounts so I will check it out and I am also going to have acupuncture for weight loss (just cos I can) lol. Will let you know how that all goes.
Went fishing today with Caleb and caught lots of stuff but shit the gutting and scaling and filleting sucks in fact enough to make me go vego. Seeing those poor fish flap around gave me fishing guilt big time. I even kept apologising as I crunch around in their mouths to get the hook out. Eeek gross. xxxx

Well its taken me 10 weeks but its finally happened as I knew it would. I have finally blown my stack at a couple of colleagues and are probably going to get ostracized now and.............................. care factor 0! I had been sooooo good. Just saw things and heard things and thought nup not going to say anything, who cares, shut up, grin and bare it etc but yesterday after doing two night shifts last week and then a party appearance the night before which led to a 1 am bedtime only to get up again at 0620 for work I got a bit shaky on my be quiet policy and completely flew off the fucken handle. Here's the thing. I don't care if you smoke. I don't care if that's what you want to do shit I use to easily puff away 35 or 40 a day so I am fully aware that its a habit that's as bad to break as heroin. There is a couple of things I expect smokers would just do. Here they are If you see me and you are smoking well excellent but don't blow it in my face, If I'm in a room don't walk in with a smoke lit and if you are in my car don't light up which also goes for inside my house other than that knock yourself out. I don't think that's unreasonable. I don't think that's discriminatory . Being asthmatic is a bitch and having it bought on by someone else's smoke is a bigger bitch. Well I learnt something else that pisses me off, that the amount of times I am asked to cover someone else's job so they can 'pop out for a quick fag' is shit! Its just the expected thing. I don't ask for 15 minutes every hour for a fresh air break so why should I have to do the work load of two or sometimes three other colleagues so they can stand outside fagging all the day! Last night at 6pm the night shift officer walks in. (She left a note the previous night complaining that certain people hadn't gotten everything done on the previous shift that I was on). She says hello puts her stuff down logs onto the computer then says at 6.10pm can you just watch the office (it can not be left unattended) while I pop out for a quick smoke. 35 minutes later I'm still waiting for her to return from the group meeting/smoke break outside so I can finish my really busy day that I now have to get done in half the time I had. Is it unreasonable to feel so pissed off? I know now (because probably 85% of officers where I am smoke) that I will be labelled some sort of smokophobic. But I just don't think its reasonable to have the expectation to just stand outside for what tallies up to 3 or 4 hours of a 12 hour work day while someone else covers your arse or at the least has the stress of trying to get their own job done while carrying them. What do you think? I know there is no answer to this because smoking is a huge force to be reckoned with within the workplace but it still sucks (oh no thats the smokers lol)
Vent over with!

Im sitting here on hold to Centrelink. Did you know that its free to register for online access. YESSSSS cos the freaken machine has told me 5 x in the last 5 minutes but I have to stay on hold to do that dont I GRRRRRR Anyway I just wanted to tell you that a Chrunchie, a ice coffee, a froggo and a mango a day is enough calories for you to gain weight steadily I know cos its happening to me. My work pants are getting tight. Starting to freak out. Dont anyone suggest I give up my chrunchie ice coffee or froggo (ok I will give up the mango cos it gets stuck anyway) becuase that would be like........................um the normal thing to do. Ok going to find me a diet Froggo! xx

Its been such a long time between posts I doubt if anyone is following this anymore. Time goes on and I am sooo over dieting, exercising. gains, losses, restrictions getting food stuck then wishing food would get stuck. The band is as tight as it should be but I can still get around it by eating anything fried or coated in chocolate or I drink the calories or I eat and drink the calories and the end result is I am slowly but very surely gaining. Im wondering what the point is to it all at the moment. Obviously the point is to lose wieght but its just depressing! I havent been near the scales in weeks and dont plan on it cos I dont want to know the significant end result but I can tell by my clothes its sliding up. I was hoping somewhere hot to live would help but I just drink the calories. I thought walking the dogs would help but its too hot lol. Shit shit shit. Actually Im not feeling nearly as bad as it sounds I just am so over the whole THINKING wieght all the time. If I spent as much time thinking about anything else I would be committed to a funny farm I am sure.
We have been fishing almost everyday and have caught some beaut fish almost each time but the only way to eat them for me is to dish them in Tempura batter and fry in olive oil (thats gotta be healthy) and they just slip on through. I tried baking them the other day and they got stuck. I can even eat chips with them! Oh yay.
I hope you are all well and acheiving your own goals (show offs) xxx for now

Hi all. Its raining here today I guess with it being the wet season and all. I have had a really confronting week. We came to Karratha with my daughter and her husband who got work the day after we arrived and are doing really well. Emma is 21 and very overwieght now. I have watched her slowly lose her confidence with every kilo gained and it just really upsets me. She had her work party this weekend and I was out shopping when I ran into her. She was shopping for a dress. I could see at first glimse that she was struggling with it and when I rubbed her arm and said 'want me to hang out with her and help you' she just burst into tears. I had forgotton those days of misery but in that instant I was right back there. I was again 20 years old standing in a flash dress shop when the woman behind the counter looked up and screeched across the entire shop 'we dont have your SIZE in here' and the shame that engulfed me. I once again felt the horrible shame of standing at racks not being able to find a size 22 and sweating trying to heave my frame into something that didnt stand a show of getting on. Now, I am standing before one of four of my most treasured possessions feeling the pain so well. I cant discuss this with her because the times I have tried she is very defensive and full of pain but this particular day I as gently as I possibly could said to her 'hon let me help you and walk with you a while through this'. So fast forward three days later and we are doing the whole healthy eating and walking thing. I have also said to her if in a year she is in the same place then I will pay for her to have WLS because I truly dont believe she can lose it AND keep it off so if WLS is her saviour I fully support her. Presently she is not in the place where she will consider it which at 21 I think is just fine but I dont want her to wade through 20 years of shameful, painful heartbreak and then have it done. Will keep you posted.

We have arrived

I haven't disappeared I just let time run off with me. Since my last blog we have moved to Karratha. We set out last Friday night at 10pm with our two dogs Murphy and lilli. We left Rockingham after a stop at McDonald's for an ice coffee. We arrived at Geralton about 4.45am. Id had enough by then and I hadnt even got behind the wheel. It was nice and cool at least. We gave the dogs a wee stop and fuelled up then hit the road again. We had numerous stops to give the dogs a break and then reached Carnavon about 12.00. Man it was getting hot. We decided to move all of the stuff on the back seat to the Ute tray and put the dogs on the back seat so they had the air con too. It was enough to do our head in because they wanted to play. We kept plugging on and after more road side stops we hit Karratha at about 6pm. I have never been so glad to see a town come into sight as I was that night. We were met at our accommodation by someone from work who kindly turned on the air con for us. What a relief that was as the heat was something we hadn't experienced before. That was last sat night. Monday our furniture arrived and we got the keys to our house which is huge and cool with air con in every room. A big day unpacking and sorting. Wed our second car arrived. We flushed the loo for the first time and the whole system backed up. turns out a massive plumbing job was needed and the plumbers spent the whole day digging up our yard. Red dirt EVERYWHERE! So that's it. We are here and I am constantly sweeping up red dust as the house isn't being landscaped for a few weeks. The dogs don't know what the hell has hit them and spend all day lying in their paddle pool. Andy is back at work and I am back on Tues. bummer its all over ( Weight wise. Well I have managed to whack on about 4kgs. I honestly don't know how but I guess the drinks are the problem. Not alcohol (mostly not) just juices and anything else cold I have. I'm over it right now and will deal with it after Christmas. I'm quite restricted but obviously not enough. Well I'm off for a walk with the dogs now but keep checking in cos I will blog again..........promise xxxx