Happy ONE YEAR BANDERVERSARY

Hi all, Gosh I don't know where the time goes but it sure goes somewhere. Can you believe it has been a whole year since I was banded! ONE YEAR this week! Good grief. What a year its been. I feel all sorts of emotions when I think of the build up to the operation then the last year. I was beside myself with fear this time last year. Fear of the operation and failure and then the enormous hopelessness of my weight problems and what would happen to me if I didn't go ahead with it. So here I am a year later thinking how at times I still feel a bit hopeless because I am still struggling with weight everyday but also because I was hoping to be in the 80ks range and I am still about 96kg. I know I need to go have a yak with my surgeon and discuss what else to do but I feel really embarrassed at not being lighter. On the other side of the journey (the positive side) I am hugely grateful that I have lost over 37kg and have a life. I have a new career that could never have happened without the band and I have given myself years back. For that I am so thankful for.
The fact is that I am always going to have to be focused on what goes into my mouth and I have to exercise (a dirty dirty word right now).
I am going to make an appointment to see Dr Hamdorf in the next couple of weeks and talk 'stuff' over with him. A part of me is hoping for a sleeve to replace the band but I dont know if its easy to convince ones surgeon of it. Andy is looking amazing from all the exercise he is doing. He has lost about 20ks and is very toned and yummo looking. I listen to hime huff and puff for an hour each day and think how little time that one hour is but thats about as far as I get to joining him.
Well no more news from me. I will post again soon. xxx
PS I am loving my job. Just loving it. Its bizarre that I love it so much I guess but I really do .

Training is over! Wow its been a long 3 months but its finally done and dusted although now the real world awaits and that feels a bit scary too. My weight has taken a hammering throughout the last 3 months. I had mum over and lots of fill removed when the chicken got stuck so its all been very up and down. I am two kilos heavier than when I started so considering my options have been a cooked lunch with pudding every day it really isn't too bad. The biggest bummer is that I have stopped exercising and I can tell the inches have crept back on. Once I get to my workplace (from tomorrow) then I will join the group of woman who walk the perimeter each day during lunch and once I get a bit of confidence I will even go to the gym during lunch break (there is a gym on site). Gosh its just such an on going battle but I am still determined (most days) to win it. My passing out ceremony was fun. I have never done anything like it before so we all marched into the gymnasium where our families and dignitaries were and received certificates etc. I found it quite exciting cos I feel like I have actually achieved something. 23 out of the 24 new recruits made it which wasn't too bad given how hard we all found it.No more news from me at the moment. Blog ya soon x Dianne

Good Grief that was a bit scary. I tried to log on and it didn't recognise me? What the! I thought I would never be able to update again.....but alls well now.Hope you are all doing well. Its the end of another week and I only have ONE MORE TO GO before I am off to the real world and I can actually put into practice all that I have been taught or should I say all that I have tried to learn. Its been a long three months that's for sure. Tomorrow I have the day off. That's the first one in three months and coming from my last job and a boss who's middle name was 'sure no problem' I have had problems dealing with this one who's name is ' naff off and don't bother me'. Anyway tomorrow is my first day at trying to solve my sticky eye and girly problems after I go and meet friends for lunch and do some shopping woo hoo. I am not a shopping sorta girl but after the last three months I think I might just be tomorrow. My eating is still scewwiff but the good thing is I haven't put on any weight so that's a bonus. I have another band friend who has just added 8kgs back to her frame and is struggling desperately which is something that I can relate to well. People tend to think this was an easy option but in truth the issues are still all there. Anyway enough of that. We had my girls engagement party last night and that went off with a hiss and a roar. Master 17 bought his new girlfriend along (well at least I think he did but as his face was attached to hers the whole night maybe it wasn't who I thought it was lol) Ah young love! Well nothing else to type about. Hope you are all ok. Will blog again later in the week. xx

It has been ages since I blogged and I'm sorry about that. A combination of things really. Feeling really fat and don't wanna discuss it for one. Am starting to HATE the academy for another. Feel like everything is out of control for another actually the list isn't seeming to end.
I am about 96kg which is a little higher than I was but not as high as I deserve to be BUT it may as well be cos I feel like I am as big as a house and am constantly shocked that I can still do my uniform up. Every day I put it on thinking 'this is it' or ' its never going to do up' but it does. Its such a psycho thing which is doing my head in. I aren't able to eat a lot but as I am not exercising at all and eat lollies all day to try and stay awake with the rest of the trainees i am not doing myself any favours. Its so scary to gain weight and I am always on edge about it. That's probably the biggest bummer of this journey - the fact that nothing has really changed and no eating/fat stresses have really left me cos I still constantly think of food/gaining/losing/what to eat or not to eat. I am at the point of asking my surgeon to take the band out and replace it with a sleeve but I don't really think he will although I am going to discuss it with him. The sleeve is where the stomach is stapled to a tiny one (about the size of your little finger) the bonus is NO Follow up adjusting. The problem is that I still continue to make poor food choices and am right back at square one. I might be feeling like this due to being one month away from my 1st year bandaversary and I thought I would be at goal where as right now I cant see anything except that friggin 100 still in view! AHHHHHHHHH.
I also am in the process of a possible hysterectomy. Woo hoo. I say possible as I have been told that as I had a Cesarean I am at higher risk of some bloody thing but I switched off so don't know what that is. I am having a Mariner (not sure if that's the right spelling) put in on Monday to try and give me some 'wing free days' so I am really looking forward to that minor surgery NOT. I had to have an internal scan (sorry to all the boys reading this) which was a thrill a minute. I feel a bit ripped off as a girl today!
What else is going on? Mmmm oh yeah. I have conjuctivitis in one eye that wont seem to bugger off with antibiotics so thats a thrill. Why did I leave it so long to post. Shit I feel so much better now hehe.
I am not suppose to blog anything about my job for safety reasons (if anyone tracked down who I was I could be vulnerable so I am going to be extra careful with what I say. However I just want to add that I have two weeks left then my training is all over and I start in the real world. I feel quite anxious about it although I think once I am in doing it I will be so much better off than all this theory bullsh*t. Its doing my head in. I have had numerous spats with the trainers and another is brewing. Today I refused to take off my ISSUED jumper as it was 2 degrees and I have spent the last three weeks with a flu that I havent fully shaken off. Well that went down like a lead balloon and I am half expecting to get a detention or some bloody thing.
No more news from me for now. Sorry that it looks like a big bitch session but............................it is and plus you are a cheap counsellor lol. xx Dianne

Just a quick add on to the one below. My daughter got engaged to her fella last Sunday. They are marrying next Feb so that's my goal to lose a few more K's. So that at least was a good part of the week xx

What a bugger of week its been. No particular reason but its just been a pain in the neck and I am glad its over. I am having trouble with 'woman's' problems and weather that's causing my weight to stay stagnant I don't know but I just cant seem to budge the scales. My surgeon said to me to eat whatever I want cos I will lose weight cos I cant eat big quantities. Well baa baaow! Wrong! I can eat chips (cold) till the cows come home and I can eat enough to gain weight AND I can seem to eat any sort of cake I want that doesn't get stuck So, this week I am going to behave and move the scales and I am going to get back into exercising.
Training has been tough. I really struggle with the militant side of it as I have already said. I just don't think when I am there about hierarchy etc. I have always had a problem with people or the perception that people are talking down to me. Last week I was freezing and walking along with my hands in my pocket when this booming voice behind me said 'Ms M...., are your hands cold?' I replied 'yes freezing, thanks for asking'. It didn't occur to me that I was being told in a round about way to get them out of my pockets and it wasn't until someone poked me in the side and said 'get your hands outta your pockets' through gritted teeth did it click! Then I really screwed up on Friday and got in huge trouble. We had a guest speaker and I swear this man looked like Abe Lincoln. He started his talk and I don't know where he was from but he had an incredibly thick German or Polish accent. I got the giggles. I couldn't stop. The more i tried to the more I cried with laughter. It had this huge roll on effect and suddenly half the class were almost off their chairs with laughter. This lasted for an hour. When we got back to class the manager and another came in and screamed at us. It was warranted and bloody rude of me I know but I just couldn't get my act together. Oh well - shouldnt beat myself up I guess. I just wish it was all over and I could get into the actual job. Well I will sign off now and go for a walk. Have a good week and dont have your hands in your pocket either lol

It feels like such a long time since I last posted. I have lost the 4kg I gained after the chicken incident so I am thrilled with that. I haven't been all that well with a combination of sheer exhaustion, a cold and 'ladies problems' so I am feeling extra knackered.
I have just finished one of the hardest weeks of training so far where it was all about learning weapons and self defence which was so difficult for someone who struggles with violence and even though I know I may need to use this one day (prayerfully not) its still a huge shock and really hard to change my thinking. I managed to end up in tears twice throughout the week and yesterday I - and the trainers thought I had broken my arm after one of the actors that is used to act violently towards us whacked me so hard I went flying! I got home last night and literally could not lift my arms any higher than about 8 inches from my side. I got capsicum sprayed on Wed and let me tell you it was the most excruciating thing I think I have ever done. It was freaking miserable in fact I was so naive to it I thought I was going to have a panic attack. My face and mouth and eyes and forehead and hand burnt like they were in hot fat. Honestly, it was bloody crazy it was so sore. It took a good 30 minutes of dousing myself before I could feel ok enough to keep my eyes open. Never again that's for sure!
I have a number of clashes throughout the week with my trainers as they have been very militant and I struggle beyond belief with that but at the end of the day I got through and ultimately I can now throw someone off me should I end up with someone on top of me on the ground and I can hook punch, bitch slap, front strike quite well so all in all it was quite successful or it will be when the bruises go away!
My mum and dad in law are here from NZ for the next three weeks so I am off to start cooking dinner. Catch you soon xx