A long blog

Morning all. I'm shattered after working 6 days in a row ( I know I know it doesn't sound like much but they are 14 hour work days) . Just gotta work tonight then I have 8 off woo hoo.

The band is still super tight and I gotta take laxatives to help in the pooping area which is a pain in the arse (literally) but its probably to do with having liquid meals and not enough roughage.

Scales are still on 87 and then 88 then 87.................................................. I don't get how losing works (not surprising is it). I mean if you have a 1200kj daily diet you are suppose to lose. If you have a high fat high protein low Carb diet you will lose (and that can be as high in calories as you like). If you have a low fat diet you lose if I eat 400kj a day the scales STAND STILL!!!!!!!!!! I know all about starvation mode etc but I still don't get it.

I'm having a hysterectomy in Sept so that's gotta be worth a couple of kilo's lol. I traded my fantastic NZ holiday to have a hysterectomy. What am I thinking lol?

You know when people ask me about having the band I really hesitate recommending it especially if I don't know them well because its such a personal thing and I know of some people who hate it or cheat it and they feel like the band has failed them so I really think fat struggling people have to look at all the facts and come to their own conclusions as to weather this is for them or not. In saying all that a very good friend of mine that I have know for over 20 years has told me she has an appointment to look at getting the band. I am so rapt for you Kay. In the case of someone that I know and love and have seen a mirror struggle with my own I think she is making the best decision of her life that will probably give her a longer life and a more content one. This is by no means a easy option and I still have dark days where I feel ripped off that I cant eat like the majority of others but it has saved my life or at least given me an extra 15 years or so but more importantly just like giving up smoking it may not have killed me from cancer or diabetes or whatever but the quality difference is something to really shout about . I still look at those plastic chairs and remember the day I got wedged in one. I still remember having to get an extender belt from the air hostess but deciding I was so wedged into the seat I would be found with the seat attached to my arse if the plane crashed. I remember how ashamed I felt when my niece made an innocent child like comment about how huge my legs were and they were bigger than her dad's. I remember how my own dad said he thought that I was enormous but the pig he had just slaughtered was even fatter than me. (I don't think most people intentionally try to be hurtful but the wounds still get poked at). I was talking this over with another bandit friend and she was telling me about some of her horrendous moments when young people were walking behind her shouting out ' boom boom boom' as if the ground was moving as she walked. When she was telling me I saw a cloud of pain come over her face as if it was almost too painful to say. Anyway, even though all of these things are part of my story its such a personal decision except to my friend Kay I want to say 'its time for you hon'. You will be fine. You will do great but regardless of your decision Im glad you are my friend. Also to Cara who gets banded on Friday. Dont stress. You will look back with wonderment about this time.

During the writing of the above I got a stabbing pain in my back which came around to the middle of my chest. It was so painful that I really did think of those heart attack adverts and wondered if I was having one! So I traipsed up to the hospital and spent from 9.30am - 11.00pm being monitored. As it turned out to be nothing to do with my heart I feel a bit better but one of the Drs was wondering if its the band. Not sure but its gone now so maybe it was just some sort of spastic muscle thing. I gotta tell you that Rockingham hospital were outstanding and I chuckled to myself when at 5.00pm they bought me in the CARDIAC unit my dinner which was the most delicious slab (size of dinner plate) of pizza with heaps of gooey cheese all over it, a slice of white bread with real butter and a tub of ice cream lol. Anyway will blog you again soon xx