Monday, December 10, 2012

As quick as that its now December. I have lost about 22kg since the sleeve. I know I should be pleased with that and I know its an ongoing process but I just want it over with. I want to know that this is going to work for me. I eat little amounts and I don't make good food choices. I drink way to much red wine and well the bottom line is I just really piss me off! I have lost a huge part of the 'eat anything sweet' urge. Sometimes I force it by trying things I don't fancy but I give it  go anyway. Chocolate doesn't appeal at all but I have a nibble every now and again..................why? Stuffed if I know. I think its the whole self sabotage thing but Im over diagnosing myself anyway.........sooo over it!
My friends that had sleeves at the same time as me are going great. Im sure they have the same fears as me. I know one of them has had a time of being on a losing plateau and I can hear her fears of not losing anymore. Logically she is going to lose but I can relate to those irrational fears. Everyday I wonder what I am going to do when the bubbles bursts and I fail at this too,  all the while looking for a few hot chips or a some bread and butter or something 'wrong'. I seriously hate food but I love it so much. I wish I just didn't have to eat. I listen to so many people with the same struggles who may not have done what I did but they really struggle then they find 'the' diet to go on and go well until they fall off the band wagon only to continue looking for the next miracle diet.
I recently encouraged a friend of mine to consider the sleeve. She has had a band and had huge problems with it. She has gained a lot of weight back after a very great band success. She said to me 'I just want to try a bit longer a few more avenues before I think about a sleeve'. I said to her then you will be like everyone else who keeps trying everything and you'll never exhaust the avenue because every week something new comes out. Shakes, juices, pills, fruit diet, protein diet, south beach, weight watchers, jenny craig, high carb, low carb, no carb it goes on and on as we all know. She's now in the process of getting a sleeve. Im super excited for her because I do believe if anything is going to give her a chance to be 'normal' the sleeve will do it.
There just isn't an answer. For some reason, maybe our own, maybe not or maybe partly, some people are just cursed with weight problems and spend our whole lives trying to conquer it. I just wish that I could break the curse. I think that mostly I wish that I cared enough about me to make life long changes that will without a doubt give me longevity that currently I am ripping myself off from. I admire people who are vegans or really health conscious. I know they can fall down dead and sadly sometimes they do but at least they try every way they can to give themselves the best chance at living a healthy life. Anyway thats where Im at today. Blog ya soon xx

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