Oh the pain of food that gets stuck

Hello all. I am trying to think of witty funny amusing little things that have happened to me but I cant all I can offer right now is the PAIN of the band when food gets stuck which in my case has been at almost every meal for the last week. After my last fill I am really struggling to keep food down for long enough to call it a meal and not a regurgitation process. The foods I could once eat I just cant seem to anymore and now I am eating foods which are rich and calorie laden just to get some sort of nutrition the trouble is you don't need much to pack on the weight. Gosh its all a bit depressing right now. I cant eat bread and I am completely cool with that. I cant eat hot chips which is a God send but I can eat Calamari which is fried and I can eat most saucy things which are usually high calorie like Garlic Prawns (and I aren't even that much of a prawn fan). I can eat some meats as long as the are drenched in gravy. If it keeps on going like it is I will have to have some fill taken out. Bugger. Not too worry though its all a bit of a process. Every time we go out and get something to eat (or even at home) I get a couple of bites in then it gets jammed somewhere between my throat and breast bone and I have to rush of and be sick to dislodge it. Andy and I had lunch at Kings Park today but after to small mouth fills of a savoury I had to lean over the gutter and get rid of it. Really does put you right off the moment. Andy is so good. He seems to recognise the look that comes over my face and then starts rubbing my back to help ease the pain. He should of been a nurse but when I said that he said 'its not like I enjoy it or anything'! Bless him. Well I have nearly finished my Chrissy shopping which is cool. Funnily enough the only things I want are food related like a pasta maker and cook books. Maybe I should ask Santa for a bike or something non foodie.....................nah. We have Andy's work do this weekend (yes only two days before Christmas) and I have been out patrolling the shops looking for a glam outfit. Its a cocktail party. I found a skirt in a flash store and when I was telling the lady I was banded and didn't want to buy it until close to the date for fear of not fitting she told me she had been banded too. She said no one knew not even her husband. Dunno how one wouldn't notice the scars or the port site or the chucking but he mustn't be too observant as he hadn't noticed. I was too much of a sook not to tell. Andy's boss is a complete nutter (woman) so it'll be an interesting night watching her. She is extremely vain and has her husband and her millionaire boyfriend so has been a bit unsure which one she will bring. For one reason or another we met the boyfriend the other day and.........................his wife!! Andy's boss also has something wrong with her hair (she says its stress) as it keeps on falling out and the other day Andy came home and told me how Mary came out of the bathroom at work pointing to her hair asking Andy if he could notice how her hair on one side of her head had broken off. Andy was hooting with laughter at his bosses broken hair day. She also has botulism oops botox injections and its hilarious as she walks in after an episode with a frozen face and no movement. I will definitely not have anything to drink on Sat night for fear I may speak out of turn. Must make a note to myself not to have alcohol lol. Shes been really rude to Andy about a couple of things so it would be tempting to cause her a few frown lines or broken hair evening especially as it is cocktail party after all! Well no more news from me but I will post on Sunday after the Le Grande Cocktail Party. xxx Dianne

Computer is up and running. All systems are go!

Finally my computer is back to working although I lost all data from the hard drive including all my photos some of which were taken just before my dad passed away and are obviously irreplaceable. I knew to save them onto a back up disk but it was one of those things that I thought I would do later and of course as per good old Murphy and his law it is now too late. My computer can also not handle the camera downloads now (I don't have a clue why) so I will have to take some updated shots and post from a friends computer. After my last fill I am now unable to eat so much that has never bothered me before like Christmas cake and raw apricots. Oh the pain. And as Murphy would have it we have become friends with someone who has a stone fruit orchard. Ah well. I have been sick a few times mainly from new foods that I haven't tried since being banded like Christmas cake but also because I still have to remember to eat more slowly. My friend Jo at work is leaving to take a position at the Tax office so Ill be sad to see my little banded sidekick leave but the catch ups will be even more interesting. Well no more news from me. I will update on Sunday. Have a good week and eat some Christmas cake for me xx

So much news so little time

Gidday. My computer has packed a sad so I am waiting for the computer Dr to fix it and am having serious withdrawls. I am using my friends computer to do this so am in a real hurry to blog. I saw my surgeon last night and he was very pleased with my progress. I have lost just under 6 kg in 6 weeks which is the exact result we wanted so that's a bonus. He put another 1.5mls into the band and now it feels very tight and I have to eat extra slowly as I almost instantly feel the food stick if I don't. And it hurts like crazy. Andy and I ate out a couple of weeks ago and I was sick mid lunch which was incredibly stressful cos I couldn't find my way out of the food hall and just had to let nature take its cause. The asian food stall lady was a bit shocked and wouldn't give me more than 2 serviettes to clean up with, so I was a bit of a mess by the time i got back to work. I now carry a little zip lock bag and wet wipes with me for those little emergencies. Very exciting to find I am now a size 16 for the most part and I couldn't fit any of the clothes in my favourite fat shop cos they were all too big!!! That was a way cool moment. My next little goal is to get into double digits. Its all feeling a bit exciting now and I can dare to dream that a normal weight range is eventually going to happen for me.
I'm looking forward to getting Christmas out of the way as everything during the build up seems to be focused on food and I am working hard to live by the ' I eat to live not live to eat' theory so will be glad when the supermarkets stop bombarding me with all the festive fair. Well I need to sign off now and head home so I will see ta ta for now and will post again next week. I will also put some photos up as soon as my computer is restored to good health xx Dianne

No Change in scales

Hi All, Its been a week since my last post. I don't have much news in the way of changes but I have no problem just burbling on regardless. The scales are unmoving this week so I am swaying between 107 and 108kg. I have a heap of problems eating healthy food and if I could live on hot chips I would (and try to quite often). I can only eat about 10 or so normal size chips or a small packet from macca's but its still enough to affect my state of mind and the scales. I know its a case of just staying away but saying and doing are of course two different things. I am now a regular loo goer so am glad that the constipation faze has passed but the wind is still a massive problem. Now, this might not sound like a big deal but when I have to keep getting up and down from my desk to exit the building so I can fart it starts to cause some looks from people. I am the windiest person I know and its caused much more from milk, fruit and veges than anything else (woo hoo all the excuse I need to eat hot chips - bugger that's potato) . I emailed my dietitian about it but still haven't heard her views on it. Andy and I are walking daily. We manage between 4 - 8 ks per day which I am thrilled with. Mostly we hover around 5ks but then we do a biggy. I can eat a small portion of food now (about entree size) so my vitamin and mineral intake is heaps better. I can eat just about anything I want except sushi. I ate 1 sushi in the car the other day and it was so painful as it got stuck and so gross as I bought it back that I have decided as much as I love it, it is gone from my menu forever! When I see my surgeon in Dec I will have another 1 ml fill which will tighten up the band some more. That's about it on the band front but I will close with a story from my friend who read about my JUST SPECTACLES glasses debacle. The other day she went to a shop to look at some shoes. She found a nice pair of wedge heel shoes for $40.00. The sales girl (and by the sound she should get try hard sales girl of the year) bustles over and says 'oh those ones are reduced to $10.00 a pr. The bottom of the shoes are different but as my friend thought she was talking about the soles she didn't care because as she said 'why would I care if the pattern on the soles are different, no one sees them when you are wearing them'. Of course when the lass returns with the box and my friend opens them up she is a little shocked to find two very different looking shoes with the only similarity being they are both black in colour. Even the height of them was different! Well they were only $10 I guess and she could borrow my glasses to finish off he look! New post next Sunday, Have a groovy week xx

What's with all the flies

Summer has arrived today. It wasn't here yesterday or last week but today we clocked 36 on the thermometer! And of course, today we took our walking to a whole new level and decided we would walk in the sand dunes (where there is no breeze) and sometimes snakes cross the path. So, off we set out at 10.30am and into the dunes we head. We walked for an hour but at least Andy didn't get weak from lack of food because he managed lots of protein in the form of 3 flies one via his nostril. I managed to blow out my meals before they headed south. Oh they are so gross and so persistent. We got back to the car and headed straight for the sports shop where we purchased two real prrrreeety nets to put over out hats to keep the flies at bay. Have I told you all how flippin gross they are?
The scales that I decided not to get on last week are down to just under 108kg yay!!!! Can eat lots that I couldn't before so the stomach band has adjusted and swelling has gone down I guess. Still feel full after meals though so that's fantastic. I see my surgeon on the 3rd Dec for another fill which will be great and get me through the festive season with a fair amount of cheapness. Andy has his hernia operated on in Dec so hopefully he will be right for the new year too. No more news from me. Will post again on Sunday the 18th Nov. xx Dianne

Rough week

We went away last weekend and I indulged in foods and beverages I knew I shouldn't but I just chucked caution to the wind and thought 'lets just enjoy the moment'. Well the moment has past and I don't think the moment is worth the rugged week I had following the weekend. I think I need them to band my brain cos I have continuously beaten myself up especially as the scales are + 1kg. We ate out three times in two days and no matter what is on the menu it's the bloody chips that get me every time. I could hardly ask the kids not to have chips with whatever and they could never finish them so I just had to help, after all waste not, want not . Well, that's a load of shit actually I just cant help myself when it comes to good chips or average chips or even crap chips for that matter just so long as they are deep fried it seems they'll do! I can't eat many but obviously it doesn't take many to get the scales heading north. I also have called into the lolly shop three times in the last week as they have kiwi licorice and from one who gets constipated which is a literal pain in the arse I have taken to buying Black Knight licorice which seems to work a treat however.................................they also sell kiwi buzz bars, toasties, toffee milks (a personal favourite) and rashuns so I inevitably stock up on them all and then nibble my way through it. I know mum I know ( she will be reading this at some stage and I can hear her tut tutting me) I just cant seem to get past the fact that I need to leave it alone and not buy it or else I will eat it. Many things have been bought then thrown in the bin at home to stop me eating it. Still tempting to pull it out and wipe it off but I haven't resorted to such desperate measures........yet! I went to the dietitian today which was a help as far as getting portion control advise because I have gotton a wee bit confused especially when it comes to drinking water which I can and have always drunk by the litre but I was stressing that the 3 or 4 litres I drink throughout the day will stretch the new stomach but she says just sip my way through whatever I can do and that is ok. I started walking yesterday! End on that story lol. Nah, I went today too so who knows maybe I will do another one tomorrow. I freaking hate exercise but I am going to try and find 30 but I do wish that sitting on my ass in front of the computer counted. The good news this week is that I won $150.00 on the Melbourne cup yesterday. I was a TAB virgin and some girl at work helped me place the bet and I won!!!! Was a very cool feeling. I am going to try not to replace my co dependency on food for gambling but its going to be hard lol. Well no more news from me. Will update again soon. xx for now Dianne

No more white bread for me.

Morning all. I am home from work with a chest infection so thought I would take the opportunity to add a quick blog. Everything seems to be going along well. Andy and I met some friends at a local Cafe on Sunday. It started off really well. The sun was shining, the water was glistening, the company was relaxing, the steak sandwhich got stuck- and I spent a good 30 minutes up and down to the loo trying to dislodge the blimmin thing, I was trying to act all cool calm and collected but whoa it was so sore and uncomfortable that after a few minutes I couldn't have given a toss what anyone thought it just became 'all about me'! Anyway that was enough to make me want to wave a not so fond farewell to my gluten friend, Mr Bread. I'm not sure what that does to the band but for the next 8 hours I had a great deal of trouble keeping anything down but all is well again now. I don't know what the scales say but I have decided not to weigh in until Dec when I next see my surgeon. Some people at church didn't recognise me so that's a sure sign of changes I guess. Andy has settled into his new job as a pest control salesman well. Neither of us are missing the mines which is great and at least this way we wont have an ant problem this summer (if it ever arrives). I have been looking into going to uni or Tafe and studying nutrition. I can't imagine returning to school but to qualify as a nutritionist would be way cool and a direction I would love to take career wise. The courses are all so varied that I felt a little lost after speaking to the career advisers yesterday. I think that doing it correspondence would be a go. As I work for the government they are big on higher education so time off wouldn't be a problem. I'll keep you posted on that one. Well nothing else to report from me. Right back to my mantra........................bread is not my friend, bread is not my friend, bread is not my frie..........

Coming to grips with all the changes!

Hi all. I am teetering on 109kg this week. I try desperately hard not to get on the scales because they are just depressing. If its a loss its almost always not enough or I get a bit overcome with what I have left to lose. If its a gain - Kapow there goes my healthy state of mind for the day. If its a stay the same, well I start wondering what the blimmin point is. It all gets a bit much at times so I am going to try not to weigh in for a month at a time but when I sit on the loo I can see the scales and its as if they are trying to call me over just to wreck my day lol. Yesterday was the first day that I nibbled all day on something and even though it wasn't a lot it freaked me out that I may have slipped back into old eating habits. I found the thought really scary. Today my eldest turned 22 so we put on a lunch for him and I found it very hard to resist the trifle and the chips. I did (except for a spoon full of trifle) which was good but I still have that feeling of slipping into old habits hanging over me. I have two or three cruskits for lunch with avocado and tuna on it. It fills me enough I think although yesterday I just wanted to graze all the time. Dr Hamdorf said that the new stomach will stretch with time that's why we have to have more fills so maybe that's what is happening. I have decided the only way to avoid bad foods is not to have them in the house so now if it doesn't get eaten in one hit it goes into the bin or else its fair game and I don't want to eat it (whatever it might be). One of the biggest difficulties right now is that I let myself her sooooo hungry then I wanna eat like there is no tomorrow. This causes me to eat too fast too big a mouth fulls and too much which in turn makes me pb. I took my grand daughter to Hungry Jacks the other day and while she ate a burger I bought a salad but I wolfed down and then had to be sick to unblock my stomach. This was gross and bloody embarrassing because the only thing I could find was Kimberley's happy meal box and she kept looking at me and asking what I was doing with her box. Then when I thought I had finished, it turned out I hadn't so I needed something real quick and all I could find was my coke cup lol. I think even the ever hungry seagulls decided to give me a very wide berth! The other thing that I really regret is telling everyone about the op. Now where ever I go if they (people) know me I get scrutinised and constantly have people look me up and down which pisses me off. It just makes me feel like I am on show. I wish I had of been a bit more selective but not to worry . I will post again soon. Bye for now Dianne

CITIBEACH SÜRF SHOP Customer service of the week NOT!

Just wanted to have another vent. I will get back to the weight loss journey over this weekend but I had such an unnecessary battle yesterday I cant help but to post about it. Two weeks ago I bought Celeb a much desired surf shop (rip curl) watch. I went to great pains to discuss with the assistant the best watch for an 11year old and chose the most expensive ($110.00) watch as it was water proof and had warranty etc. Caleb is a really unusual kid in the respect that he is very meticulous about certain things and I even knew that being waterproof wouldn't matter to him because he would always take it off - just n case. That's just the sort of boy he is. So he is given this flash new watch last Friday 12th for his birthday. The night before last Caleb says to me, 'hey mum sometimes the surf board doesn't go around'. This was the seconds hand. I take it off him and set the time to my watch and sure enough an hour later Caleb's watch is 10 mins behind mine. This is no good I think but not in the least bit concerned after all I have the receipt and it is only two weeks old. The next day (yesterday) I go into CITIBEACH SURF SHOP and put my story to the young girl and then I add that I don't want money back a replacement would be great as Caleb loves the watch. She goes off and returns to tell me that the manager says all they can do is send the watch to their head office then it will be sent over east to Rip Curl and they will determine that its a fault with the watch not Caleb doing something to it then it will be either fixed or replaced. No. I aren't happy with that at all I tell her as this has only been worn for 5 days and is in pristine condition. I want either money back or a replacement. Dont get me wrong if Caleb had of had it for 6 months I would understand but not when he has worn it for only 5 days! I ask to speak to her supervisor. Over bustles the supervisor. I explain my situation and I tell her that i am sorry but it isn't ok with me to do what they are asking given the short period of time we have had the watch. She says she cant do anything about it but will go and ask the general manager. After she finally locates him she comes back with the same policy and that's the best she can offer. Can I speak to the general manager then please, I ask. 5 min later Jamie comes over and I go through the whole story again. He says there is nothing he can do as that's the store policy. Policy Shmolicy my arse! I tell him this isn't good enough. When will the watch be back I ask. Don't know he says. I had already asked that of the supervisor and she didn't know either. I said the same thing to him which was, so, it could be 6 months, 3 weeks who knows??? He said, that's right. He kept saying 'why are you being so aggressive'? This was incensing me because even though I was frustrated and getting upset I was by no means aggressive and had only said one swear word which was your policy is bullshit. He said there was nothing he could do. I asked him if I could send the watch in to Rip Curl or was it just retailers. He said no it wasn't just retailers and he would recommend I do it as they have a 48hour turn around time for the public but no timeliness standards for retailers! By then i was worked up enough to be in tears and I couldn't speak without the prospect of my nose dribbling so I waved my hand at him gathered up the watch and receipt and walked out. Back in my office I wash my face feeling so peeved that I had cried ( a sure sign of weakness in my eyes) but I was so angry I could barely think straight. I started to devise my next plan which was to make a huge sign and stand outside CITIBEACH SURF SHOP chanting 'they are rip offs, they are rip offs' . Firstly I thought I should ring Consumers affairs and ask them what the go is under the law. Consumers affairs were excellent. They advised me that unless CITIBEACH SURF SHOP could give me an acceptable repair and return time frame they had to abide by one of three other options. A, Refund, B, Replace or C, Credit note. So with a deep breath I rang Jamie and told him what the law said and that I chose either a, b or c but sending watch away was no longer an option as they could not give me a reasonable return time. I think he was pissed off at this new news as he banged on about the watch having to be returned and that was store policy. As I work under legislation everyday I had no qualms about quoting him the sections of the act he was breaking. Finally he said he would get me a time frame as being honest and telling me he didn't know obviously wasn't good enough for me. No way, I replied. You don't have that option now buddy as both you and your other supervisor couldn't tell me how long the process would take! He said that even if I took CITIBEACH to court he would still declare this was store policy. I told him the way he was going that's exactly the next forum we would end up in. I gave him my work number after he said he would ring Rip Curl for a 'time to review watch' and I told him I looked forward to hearing back from him. 20 minutes later I take a phone call from Jamie to say he had spoken to the general manager (I thought that's what Jamie was) and they had decided that they would replace the watch. Well. wasn't that big of them (note sarcasm in keys) as long as he can see by the watch there is no damage. I go down to the shop 2 hours later and get an exchanged watch.
Last night Caleb showed us his new pair of sports shoes (bought from CITIBEACH SURF SHOP only 10 days ago and the sole is peeling off one of them AHHHHH. I cant find the receipt but if I paid for them by eftpos it will show on my statement and I will be back for a refund mmmmmm or maybe they need to send them to Globe to make sure the boy hasn't been jumping too hard in them! Moral of the story is Don't give up the fight and Don't shop at stores that don't treat customers with a bit more worth than Citibeach treated me. YEAH, that's one for the little man!!!!!!!!

JUST SPECTACLES (check out the photo)

This post has nothing to do with my weight loss journey but I still think its worth a mention. My pet hate/peeve/gripe in life is bad business practices. You know the thing. We all have to deal with it but i reckon none more so than those here in Perth. A few weeks ago I put (stupidly) my glasses in my jacket pocket then promptly broke the arm when I sat on the pocket. I realised with great relief that they were repairable if I could just get JUST SPECTACLES to replace the arm.( I bought them from JUST SPECTACLES a few months before) I dropped them into the shop a couple of weeks ago and the guy says 'that shouldn't be a problem' we will have them ready in a week. I drop back for them because JUST SPECTACLES never ring to say anything is ready and am told they cant find them but will ring me in a couple of days when they do. Now after saying they never ring I need to correct that because the following Monday they ring and leave this msg for me on my voicemail. 'Um yes, Dianne its F@#43 speaking from JUST SPECTACLES. We have your glasses here for you to pick up (pause) ...................... um they're not a good match cos we couldn't find an arm to match the one on the glasses but we have put another arm on but um er mmm um its not a good match , but then adds brightly 'so there is no charge for it'. Thanks bye'. Well how bad could it be I wonder to myself. I call in yesterday and notice the girl and guy assistants look at each other when I said who I was and the guy says to the girl 'oh I'm busy, you better serve her'. The young lass pulls out my glasses and presents me with the most mismatched pair of arms I have ever seen. Apparently this is the best they can do. I looked around the shop and asked if I was on candid camera? No, the girl says shocked!!!!! Are you people serious I ask. Yessss we are she says. Oh.......................ok. Caleb is with me and just about wetting himself laughing at the new look specs. Now if a 10yr old can see it why cant bimbo and Brutus? Right, well do you think you could take off the original arm and replace both with matching arms I ask. Ummmmm noooo she says almost rolling her eyes, as she explains that they don't have pairs of the same arms just one offs. What the !!!!!!!!Well, would you have two matching pieces of wire you can use then? But she says....................wait for it...................'we aren't going to charge you'!!! Woo hoo a freebie that's so appalling I cant use them. Now theres a bargain. I have decided to keep them because if I cant find anything else to laugh about I can pull them out and they will do the trick. So thanks JUST SPECTACLES IN ROCKINGHAM I look forward to dealing with your competitors in the near future. Over and out

Its been one of those days!

I had my first fill yesterday. Dr Hamdorf put in 3mls making my 11ml band in total being 7mls filled. I feel very full very quickly but have noticed that I eat after I am past the point of no return hunger wise and so I gobble down too much, too fast and don't chew well enough. Been sick or Pb'd (productive burping) twice. This means I basically can't keep down the food and burp it back which is not vomit but just newly chewed food hence I can tell I haven't chewed well enough. I cant eat sushi now - bummed about that. I cant seem to keep it down. All in all its going well and I am now allowed to eat real food so I am enjoying the crunch of crackers. Wind is a major problem and now I have to watch the loos and only go when no one else is in there. From someone who has always been quite an accomplished farter it is unbelievable what its like now. Someone was in the loo the other day and I couldn't help but let it rip. Later when I ran into her she said she was in the loo earlier and someone farted so much she nearly fell off the toilet! She said she had never heard anything like it. I just said 'really'! Honestly it is shocking but bonus is they are pong free . Lucky its on Pbing farts lol. Today was a strange kind of day. Andy and I decided a few days ago that we would choose to have a good attitude every day which until today had worked really well. After I got off the bus today I was walking to my office when I remembered about a homeless man that I see everyday. Today, I decided I would stop and offer to buy him breakfast (something that I wasn't overly comfortable doing). As I got closer to where he is normally standing I started to think 'nah, I dont want to do this' but that little still voice in me said otherwise. So there he was standing in his usual spot. Anyway I walked slowly past him and happened to notice how huge the line was in McDonald's so I reasoned I wouldn't stop cos I would have to wait too long for his meal. I kept walking with my head down. After a few steps I stopped and looked back and thought about what a let down I was being to another human so I finally convicted myself enough to walk back up to him. I said to him 'Hi mate, can I buy you breakfast' he looked at me and shook his head and said no. lol lol lol. I couldn't believe it. I asked him again and even tried to convince him to let me buy him a feed (by now I was on a roll) but he just kept shaking his head and saying no. I ended up walking off to work feeling remarkably silly but with a bit of a smile on my face too. Then to top off this strange day. Andy came into Perth with Caleb to pick me up after work. I told Andy to meet me outside my office as I work next to a surf shop and I thought we could buy Caleb a much needed pair of shoes for school and that would be part of his birthday present. Well we found the bargain of the week. A pair of surf brand shoes for $49.00. Yipee I thought what a saving given this month has 6 birthdays in it. Off we go feeling very happy. We stop at a food place and buy a drink each and Caleb has a wrap. When we are 3 houses from home (an hours drive from Perth) Caleb says 'um mum did you pick up my shoes in the cafe'. Nooooooooo. I had to make numerous attempts to get my good attitude back and not throttle the child. Could be worse when I think about the homeless man so all in all life is great. Love to you all xxxx Dianne PS If you see a homeless person don't ask them just buy them a meal.

Exercise and breathe, exercise and breathe

Today I thought I would put a little bit of exercise into my day. So, I went to the loo's at work which are down one flight of stairs and then decided I would go down to the basement and come back up the stairs. Now take note that this is not a good plan if you are forty fat and very freakin unfit!!! I walked to the basement ok cos its all down hill but OH MY LORD it is a long way back up and there is no going back once I started. I headed up and as I approached level G I was thinking 'this sucks'. By level 1 I was thinking 'this really hurts' by level 2 I had hit the pinnacle of 'wtf am I thinking' and by level 3 I knew without doubt that if anyone from my office saw me in the next 10 minutes they would ask if I was ok whilst dialling 000. I tell you this was no fun and when I finally on jelly like legs got to my desk I was praying 'oh please lord, don't let my phone ring cos I just cant talk and breathe all at the same time. Then my day got a bit more loopy when my boss who sits right next to me starts talking about someone being full of shit. As he is talking he looks over and there lined up along my desk is Metamucil capsules, nu-lax and Benefibre with 2 litres of water. I just raised my eyebrows and said 'lets not talk about anyone being full of shit cos right now they have my deepest sympathy'. He just laughed. Yep back to squatting for me! All else is good. I am eating and drinking and generally feeling well. I am looking forward to seeing the surgeon next week for an update and first fill. Bit scared though. I only eat a cupful now per meal so not sure what it will be like after a fill. All part of the journey I guess. Will post again soon xx Dianne

Another kg down

It s been a week since I last posted. I have lost approx 13kg since the op which feels exciting. I try not to look at the BIG picture and try not to dwell on the 43kg to go. My next goal is to get into double digits. Small steps I figure is the way to go! This week I finally feel that I have arrived at a new understanding of portion changes and accepting (without sadness) that this is my new way of life and not feeling like I am missing out on anything. I now have three meals a day of 1 cup size. Its taken all this time to come to grips with not cooking or ordering extra in case 'I need' to eat more. Where as I would always order much more than needed to cover the 'just in case' factor, I now (mostly) am content with cooking and dishing up only a cup and then sometimes I happily leave a few mouthfuls if I feel full. Taking my time to eat has also been a massive adjustment and I now find that I get irritated with Andy when I watch him wolf down his food and not chew it (oh God, I don't want to become a converted eater like a non smoker sometimes behaves towards smoker's) . Speaking of Andy he is home from the mines only a day after going up due to a hiatus hernia that has appeared. We are off to the hospital this arvo to try and get that sorted. Its blimmin tricky going somewhere unplanned like a hospital and try and find slop for my meals but generally even a milky drink will see me through from one meal time to the next if it has to. I have my first fill in just over a week which is making me a bit nervous especially as a cupful is my limit now it might make me only able to eat an egg cupful after the fill. Bonus side is much cheaper grocery shop lol! Well that's it for now. I will post again in a few days. PS My gorgeous brother left a touching comment on the last post saying that I was an inspiration. I hope if anyone is reading this and needs inspiration that this helps but my main reason for this op was to live, not just exist. The weight that I lost over periods of time was always found again and like smoking I saw my weight issues as slow suicide. I owed doing something significant about the problem to my God, my husband, and my children. I now owe it to them to make this work because if I don't I not only risked my life for all those years yo yo dieting but then massively risked my life having a major surgery and believe me we were all so afraid I might not survive the surgery. I don't want to take one more minute of my life for granted. Ok off to do the weeding xx ciao for now

oooohhhh can I lick the plates please!!!!!

Saturday 22/09/07
Tonight we decided we would have a meal out. Now this was quite a regular affair as we barter work with quite a few of the local restaurants but that was all in another life (pre op). Tonight was the first one post op. We arrive and hubby starts scrutinising the menu for me and 16 yr laughs the whole time at what I cant have compared to what I could of had pre op. Right so there we are and hubby is saying 'ok hon, what about some oysters? Are they mushy enough?'. Um how about 'NO'. "Well what about chicken then?" NO, I reply. Ummmm how about garlic bread? Errr No I again reply. This goes on for a few more minutes when finally I say, 'I think I will try the grilled fish for entree and then the rest of you can pick at it too'. The boys all choose bread and oysters kilpatrick (my favourite) for entrees. Right with that out of the way then comes the drinks decision and I decide I will stick to water woo hoo. After all by the time I get through the food I figure the rest of the family will be ready to go and I wont be able to even start on a glass of wine. Now comes choosing mains! Caleb (10) chooses Thai chicken curry and rice. Ethan (16) chooses Beef and Reef with garlic cream sauce and Andy chooses chicken and some sort of saucy stuff. I am left in a bit of a quandary. No chicken. No chips. No beef. What I am looking for here is anything mushy and right now the best decision is sitting in the desserts cabinet in the form of cheese cake. I finally decide on the beef, bacon and mushroom pie. Mainly cos I figure it will be saucy and I can eat that. Entrees come and the fish is way to firm so everyone else eats that ( I had three tiny fork full). They all ate the oysters and I pleaded for the juice in the shell which out of pity they gave to me. I watched them all eat gorgeous fresh breads with fresh real butter. Then the mains came. My pie wasn't saucy at all hardly so I piled everything onto Andy's plate including the chips as I thought they would be my biggest temptation. I bludged two of Ethan's prawns which were delicious ( chew chew chewing them until they were mushy) then I kept trying to scrape some sauce off his steak. Lucky he didn't seem to mind. I sopped up some of Andy's sauce off his chicken and then scraped Caleb's plate of Thai curry sauce. By the end of it I felt pretty full and my handbag was packed with left overs for the dog - hey waste not want not I say! Bit of a bugger having to be charged for licking the plates though.
On the plus side I can now cross my legs comfortably when I sit. I fit a blouse that I have had for four years (wouldnt actually wear it now but anyway) and could never. And lastly Andy bought me a ring and earring set about three years ago. It cost $1800 and I always meant to get around to resizing the ring but never did. I couldnt even get it close to my knuckle and today it slipped on my finger!!!! Woo hoo. Really pleased about that. All in all a positive end to the week! xx for now Dianne

What a day! 19/09/07

Anyone who is reading this and doesn't want to hear about constipation needs to stop reading now...........................I mean it. I have been to the loo two times in two weeks and I'm telling you that even then it wasn't very significant. Yesterday I was hit with the worst tummy cramps and wind that I think I have ever experienced. Andy rang me when I was at the train station and I was in tears telling him I didn't think I could get home. (What he was going to do about it from the mines I don't know). I tried and tried to go to the loo but my tummy was so sore to sit and to stand I didn't know where to put myself. I was thinking perhaps it was a perforated bowel or a twisted bowel - but as i don't really know what that means I was just guessing. So, I txt my surgeon and it went something like this -use your imagination. I am driving along and grab my mobile at every set of lights to send him this msg. 'I forgot to ask you yesterday what can I take to go poos cos I think its stuck'. Right, msg sent. Wait wait wait........................Get home and then a msg is received that says 'who is this'. Ooops. Send another msg 'sorry its Dianne and I am in such pain I need to go poos and cant'. He rings me and says to go and buy some Agarol and take 30 mls two times daily. That is my first issue. To take mls and not pills means it is going to be foul and I cant swallow foul without chucking. Right I am desperate so off i go and the minute I see the GIANT bottle and the pleasant vanilla flavour I know it is going to taste like crap. But I am desperate so I buy it. Its thick and white and plops out in globs but i manage to get 30mls in and then another 30 this morning. I tell you all day I thought yep...............yep....... yep ...................................... nup just fart. All day it was like that. Then the helpful lady at work said if it pokes out to try and grab it (with tissues..............what the!!!!!)I will pass on that baby thanks, itll have to stay there. Then finally, I thought hey this is feeling positive and I go off to the loo. Everyone in my section now knows that I am constipated because I have gone to the loo so many times that I had to explain and I am sure they are all watching wondering how its going- yes we have boring jobs. So I am back in the loo for the twentieth time and I remember that my nephew use to suffer terrible constipation as a bub and he use to squat and still does because it really helps him so if you are still with me and not too grossed out I slip off my pants and balancing ever so carefully (all twinkle toes 115kg of me) I get up on the toilet and squat over it. Within minutes it was all on and working,. I was so relieved I sat down on the seat feeling so content until I realised I missed the bowl and had sat in it. 30 minutes later I was finally cleaned up and the toilet was sparkling and disinfected. Man I hope it is all back to regular now but at least I still have a litre of goop and my squat method to keep me going lol. Dr Hamdorf left me a msg today to ask how I was and if I was comfortable (could of done with a cleaner) but all in all i am feeling quite jolly good right now.

Post op apptment with Surgeon 17/09/07

I had my two week post op appointment today. I saw Dr Hamdorf who was thrilled with my weight loss to date. Since seeing him I have lost 13kg, 8kg of which were in the last two weeks. I was expecting him to say that I will be on mushie food (baby food consistency) for two weeks but instead he said he wanted me to stay on them for (((((( 3 )))))) weeks! It took every ounce of energy not to splutter 'what'. Anyway he said no real food for 3 weeks and so that's that!!!! I went back to work today and my colleague (whom from now on will be known as COW) ate hot chips and chicken roll for lunch at her desk. I kept chanting - in between dribbles, I can do this, I can do this. She was quite apologetic and of course I don't really think she is a cow but man it was hard. We also have an open plan office and our tea facilities are in the middle of the floor like
I said all open plan. Today someone made toast TWO times. I yie yie! Never mind I had my..........................up n go mmm mmmmmm. Banana flavour :o) All else is great. I have told numerous people now about the op which is good. I feel like I have come a long way from the melt downs I have had to where I am today. My life motto is 'I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I use to be'. It feels very true for where I am at today. Will post again in a few days. I feel like I can tell I have lost weight but as I add photos I do understand those who say they cant see it yet. Oh well. It wont happen overnight but it will happen. My baby comes home on thursday from the mines so itll be interesting to see if he notices. May the lord have mercy on him if he does'nt lol xx

Friday 14 Sept - 11 days post op

Wow I cant believe it is already 11 days since undergoing this life changing adventure. I don't think I have lost anymore weight probably because since being banded I have progressively added more and more food (liquid and thicker) to my diet. I have really struggled with the eating side. Today for example I had a 600ml of low fat ice coffee. I managed to drink it just fine which I find a bit depressing because I was soooo enjoying not being hungry in the beginning. I see my surgeon for my first post op on Monday 17th and I have to say I am hoping he will give me my first wee fill. Most don't get one this early but I have read of a few that do. I just don't want to have the hassles of struggling with not over eating. I am back to work on Monday too so to walk in and say 'gidday all, sorry boss I gotta have a couple of hours off this morning for an appt' is making me feel a bit apprehensive. I do work with the great bunch of people including my boss so that makes it a little easier.
I thought I would be a smart arse and take off all the dressing as they seemed to be healing really wel. Well, three have but the port gives me a stingy time of it. And so itchy that in the end I washed it and soaked it in teatree oil and recovered it. I feel like the port has moved about 2 inches north of where it was so I am not sure what is up with that. I guess Dr Hamdorf will take a squizz on Monday. Nothing else to report. I am off to the movies tonight with my 10yr old so will enjoy sniffing yummy buttery popcorn smells (NOT). I love movie popcorn! Ciao for now xx

Monday 7 days post op

My biggest surprise today is that I am sooooo hungry tonight. Ravenous, starving kinda hungry. I had an Up n go (man what great advertising that is) for breakfast. Chai latte at lunch and some mango sorbet. Well folks it hit dinner time and I was ready to eat the freakn table! I heated up a left over roast for the kids from last night and it took all my energy not to swallow the meat I shoved into my mouth. I chewed it till it was dry then spat it out (sorry thats gross) but man it was hard. I ended up putting the stick mixer through fish and veges and cheese sauce and eating that, then having a smoothie. I feel full now but not like I have over done it. Maybe the swelling is all gone down and thats why. Dunno but hope to control it better tomorrow. Hey- I went number two's so am happy with that!! Down 6 kg which I am happy with too. Will update again later this week xxx for now

Sunday 09/09/07

Well its been 6 days and still going strong except for.......................number flippin two's!!! I went to the chemist who told me she wouldn't give me anything because she was unsure if the stomach contracting would do any damage and I wouldn't have a clue so I am going to just wait and speak to Dr Hamdorf tomorrow. I aren't in any pain so I figure it ll be ok till then. I sure have enough fibre in me to be chugging things along but nup!
Its been a bit tricky getting my head around the whole food thing. I have two kids still living at home and listening to them crunch and rattle around in cupboards has made me want to squeal a couple of times. Mostly I want to just crunch on something like ummmmm nachos or crackers or something. They had Hungry Jacks for lunch and OHHHH lordy I was a bit tempted to take a bite which of course I wouldn't but whoa it was hard to drive with all the smells and paper scrunching going on. Once I have my little sip of up n go or boost juice I realise its because I am hungry so the feeling goes. I cooked a huge roast lamb dinner with pumpkin. kumera.potato.bok choy. cauliflower and broccoli with cheese sauce and gravy tonight. I had my ex husband and his wife over (that's a whole book on its own) and they didn't know I had been banded. It wasn't till they had been invited that I realised they would think something was up with me sipping through a straw. I tried to just put the stick mixer through some veg and lots of sauce but it was pretty jolly obvious that I wasn't actually part of the dinner. I ended up telling them which was ok but it made me realise how set apart I am from the real ''food world". I find I am grieving this a bit right now and even though I knew I would possibly feel like this it was still quite a bummer to come to terms with. I keep trying to think of different things I am looking forward to when I am a 'normal' or 'average' weight. One is not hearing people say 'if you just eat less then..........'. No shit Sherlock wish I had of thought of that one. Getting on a plane and hoping, hoping, hoping the seat belt fits without an extension belt. The last time, I managed to do it up going to NZ but it was about 2 inches to small coming back. I just pretended it was done up (what the heck was going to happen to me anyway?) I mean c'mon I was so blimmin wedged into the seat it wasn't like I was going to go through the window or hit my head on the roof! I would also like to be able to wipe my arse comfortably (only fat people will know what I mean). I would like to have a watch strap that doesn't have to be elasticise to fit me or rings that most average weight people would use as bangles. I want to touch my toes without holding my breath or sit with my legs crossed- oh yeah that will be cool. I want to walk into any place and when I have a meal feel full and not thinking constantly oh oh oh one more mouth full or I wish I had of ordered that cake for dessert - well never mind I will stop and getting something from somewhere else on the way home. I don't want to care about food anymore. I just want to eat to live not live to eat. I want my mother in law to look at me and not feel she has to discuss my very obvious weight problem flaw that I have (may I just say I have the most amazing in laws who I could only aspire to be like). Anyway gotta sign off now and get some sleep. Will update again soon xxx Ciao for now

07/09/07

Well its Friday! I cant believe its gone so fast. Yesterday was awful in the respect that Andy went back up north and I woke with a headache of all headaches. Man it was a cracker and stayed for the day and night. Finally I woke this morning and its gone. I think it was a detox headache. No coffee or much of anything else which I think bought on the headache. I was stressing it was high blood pressure but now I am sure it wasn't. The wounds all look fine. A bit itchy but if my mothers old wives tales are correct that should be a good sign! Had a half of up n go today. Wow it was nice (banana and honey flavour). I think I drank too much cos I was so full tonight. I am down to 117kg this morning so that's not too bad. I am waiting for number twos to hurry up but so far nothing. I kinda expected that though. Will start taking fibre tomorrow. I have been drinking prune juice but still a no go! I am feeling well enough to go back to work next week. I will see how the weekend goes then decide next week. I cant afford too much more time off. (donations gladly accepted lol)

05/09/07

I arrived home today. I was really glad to get home however its a bit like when you have a baby and cant wait to get home. When you do, you wish you had the safety of the hospital and the convienience of meals bought to you and someone else cleaning your bathroom! My baby (husband) goes back to the mines for his two week roster tomorrow 06/09 so I only have tonight with him then I am on my own. That is causing me a lot of distress but I have to fight the urge to grab hold of his pants leg like a kid and have him drag me around while I ball my eyes out. He is really feeling it too and so I dont want to add more pressure on something he has no control over. Man its hard though! He is such a strength to me that I am going to do it very hard over the next two weeks without him. Hopefully he will see a difference in my weight when he gets home.

04/09/07

This is it. The day of surgery. I arrived at St John of God at 5.30am with my husband holding my hand. I finally have peace about this momentous decision. I am weighed (123kg). Wish like crazy I had of not eaten McDonald's last night cos it was typically gross. Should have gone for Chinese or KFC or Hungry Jacks (well I know its crazy but that's what I was thinking). I also had the great great pleasure of getting a really heavy period that started yesterday - sorry if thats too much info but hey you cant imagine what an absolute grrrr that was to arrive. Anyway get me paper knickers which looks like the hat only with an extra leg in it. All prepped and ready to go. Wheeled off to theatre at 7.40am. I am on top of the list so am thrilled not to be waiting around. I think I am a lot like my father cos me and waiting in hospital just aren't a match. The anesthetist arrives and says he will just scratch my hand a bit then says "see you soon". That was pretty much it. I glimpsed my surgeon who said 'good morning" but apart from that the next thing I saw was 9.50am on the clock and I was awake. Blood pressure gave me grief for the next day and a half and piddling was a drama but not really any pain to speak of. They kept asking me if I wanted pain relief but I didn't cos it wasn't sore. A bit stiff but not sore at all.

Come walk with me

May 07 Wieght 128kg
I have decided to go and see Dr Hamdorf in Perth and get his opinion on lap banding. He comes highly recommended by a friend who didn't actually have the band (so not sure what part of her recommendation I am thinking was great lol) but after our first meeting I have decided that he isn't too bad and can at least speak my language. I even booked my op date as the 04/09/07. Dr Hamdorf said I need to pass some other reviews as well before he will give me the final OK. One I have to see Dr Marangou who is -I'm not sure exactly what he is and the other I have to see is Dr Sarah Flannagan the dreaded Dietitian. I am not sure why but she really freaks me out where as the others don't. Maybe its cos I have to put all my proverbial eating cards on the table. I don't know.
May 07 Weight 128kg
First appointment with Dr Flannigan. I decided that I was going to be totally honest with her rather than just speak like I know I could get her nodding her head and sympathising with me I have decided to tell her the truth about my eating and that at times I am completely out of control. I scare me at times at how much I can put away and still be looking for more. I don't know if I even want this operation. I don't feel like I know anything right now except I am desperate and feel like i am dying inside from desperation!
Sarah was fantastic. She said after I spoke about my food hang ups and addictions and family history that she isn't convinced this operation is right for me right now. She has given me diet guidelines and will review my case in about a month. Without her approval I cant have the operation but I am fine with that. I have decided that if I cant get my eating under control before the operation I don't want it anyway. I will see how I go with Sarah's food guidelines.
June 07
First visit to Dr Marangou - Weight 125kg
Well I still aren't terribly sure what he is a Dr of but he was a pleasant man and he thought I would be a great candidate for the band. Suits me (I think). He said after a big discussion that he didn't think I stood a chance of losing weight on my own given my family history (yep, a family of big rigs).
26 June 07 Weight 122kg
Sarah Flannigan - Dietitian
Last visit to see Sarah today. I am down to 122kg just by following her diet regime. It really wasn't anything other than choosing foods with 10gm sugar or less per 100gm and 5gm fat or less per 100gm. I also was so honest with her at the first visit that it was a bit of a reality check for me. I seem to have quite a dysfunctional view of food and have quite a family history of sabotage so it gave me a different sort of perspective of everything once I came clean. She said she was happy to recommend me for the lap band. I am still not sure if this is what I really want but feel grateful I have made some sort of in roads into my fat life so far.
06/08/07 Weight 123kg
Last visit to see Dr Hamdorf before the surgery
I have had an absolute melt down over the last couple of weeks. My husband works away and I have been trying to deal with a whole barrage of emotion on my own. We live in Perth and have no family here so its a case of 'screw it, just do it' which works for me most of the time but right now it has been just miserable. I have been convinced I wont make it through the surgery and have been planning my funeral and saying goodbye to people in my head! I walked into the Dr's office and just burst into tears. Dr Hamdorf wanted to know what was up and what my concerns were. I said it was not waking up from the anesthetic. He talked me through it all and I must say that was a real fresh touch to my little world. I walked away feeling a lot more 'together'. I also decided that the next person that walked into his office I was going to just walk up to and ask if he/she had had a lap band. Thank goodness the next person was a very approachable looking woman who kindly said she had after her initial shock at my forwardness. She gave me the name of a banders website which I found really helpful and down to earth. I think I am going to have it done! Maybe.
My other really huge hiccup in my thinking is that I am a christian so I have struggled with what God is making out of all this. I feel like such a failure and feel so blaaaa about who I am right now that I have been feeling how much God has been disappointed with me. I have since rung friends and had prayer and have come to the hopeful conclusion that God loves me and that this is ok. Perhaps not ideal but OK. I love God!!