Well its been 6 days and still going strong except for.......................number flippin two's!!! I went to the chemist who told me she wouldn't give me anything because she was unsure if the stomach contracting would do any damage and I wouldn't have a clue so I am going to just wait and speak to Dr Hamdorf tomorrow. I aren't in any pain so I figure it ll be ok till then. I sure have enough fibre in me to be chugging things along but nup!
Its been a bit tricky getting my head around the whole food thing. I have two kids still living at home and listening to them crunch and rattle around in cupboards has made me want to squeal a couple of times. Mostly I want to just crunch on something like ummmmm nachos or crackers or something. They had Hungry Jacks for lunch and OHHHH lordy I was a bit tempted to take a bite which of course I wouldn't but whoa it was hard to drive with all the smells and paper scrunching going on. Once I have my little sip of up n go or boost juice I realise its because I am hungry so the feeling goes. I cooked a huge roast lamb dinner with pumpkin. kumera.potato.bok choy. cauliflower and broccoli with cheese sauce and gravy tonight. I had my ex husband and his wife over (that's a whole book on its own) and they didn't know I had been banded. It wasn't till they had been invited that I realised they would think something was up with me sipping through a straw. I tried to just put the stick mixer through some veg and lots of sauce but it was pretty jolly obvious that I wasn't actually part of the dinner. I ended up telling them which was ok but it made me realise how set apart I am from the real ''food world". I find I am grieving this a bit right now and even though I knew I would possibly feel like this it was still quite a bummer to come to terms with. I keep trying to think of different things I am looking forward to when I am a 'normal' or 'average' weight. One is not hearing people say 'if you just eat less then..........'. No shit Sherlock wish I had of thought of that one. Getting on a plane and hoping, hoping, hoping the seat belt fits without an extension belt. The last time, I managed to do it up going to NZ but it was about 2 inches to small coming back. I just pretended it was done up (what the heck was going to happen to me anyway?) I mean c'mon I was so blimmin wedged into the seat it wasn't like I was going to go through the window or hit my head on the roof! I would also like to be able to wipe my arse comfortably (only fat people will know what I mean). I would like to have a watch strap that doesn't have to be elasticise to fit me or rings that most average weight people would use as bangles. I want to touch my toes without holding my breath or sit with my legs crossed- oh yeah that will be cool. I want to walk into any place and when I have a meal feel full and not thinking constantly oh oh oh one more mouth full or I wish I had of ordered that cake for dessert - well never mind I will stop and getting something from somewhere else on the way home. I don't want to care about food anymore. I just want to eat to live not live to eat. I want my mother in law to look at me and not feel she has to discuss my very obvious weight problem flaw that I have (may I just say I have the most amazing in laws who I could only aspire to be like). Anyway gotta sign off now and get some sleep. Will update again soon xxx Ciao for now
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