Come walk with me

May 07 Wieght 128kg
I have decided to go and see Dr Hamdorf in Perth and get his opinion on lap banding. He comes highly recommended by a friend who didn't actually have the band (so not sure what part of her recommendation I am thinking was great lol) but after our first meeting I have decided that he isn't too bad and can at least speak my language. I even booked my op date as the 04/09/07. Dr Hamdorf said I need to pass some other reviews as well before he will give me the final OK. One I have to see Dr Marangou who is -I'm not sure exactly what he is and the other I have to see is Dr Sarah Flannagan the dreaded Dietitian. I am not sure why but she really freaks me out where as the others don't. Maybe its cos I have to put all my proverbial eating cards on the table. I don't know.
May 07 Weight 128kg
First appointment with Dr Flannigan. I decided that I was going to be totally honest with her rather than just speak like I know I could get her nodding her head and sympathising with me I have decided to tell her the truth about my eating and that at times I am completely out of control. I scare me at times at how much I can put away and still be looking for more. I don't know if I even want this operation. I don't feel like I know anything right now except I am desperate and feel like i am dying inside from desperation!
Sarah was fantastic. She said after I spoke about my food hang ups and addictions and family history that she isn't convinced this operation is right for me right now. She has given me diet guidelines and will review my case in about a month. Without her approval I cant have the operation but I am fine with that. I have decided that if I cant get my eating under control before the operation I don't want it anyway. I will see how I go with Sarah's food guidelines.
June 07
First visit to Dr Marangou - Weight 125kg
Well I still aren't terribly sure what he is a Dr of but he was a pleasant man and he thought I would be a great candidate for the band. Suits me (I think). He said after a big discussion that he didn't think I stood a chance of losing weight on my own given my family history (yep, a family of big rigs).
26 June 07 Weight 122kg
Sarah Flannigan - Dietitian
Last visit to see Sarah today. I am down to 122kg just by following her diet regime. It really wasn't anything other than choosing foods with 10gm sugar or less per 100gm and 5gm fat or less per 100gm. I also was so honest with her at the first visit that it was a bit of a reality check for me. I seem to have quite a dysfunctional view of food and have quite a family history of sabotage so it gave me a different sort of perspective of everything once I came clean. She said she was happy to recommend me for the lap band. I am still not sure if this is what I really want but feel grateful I have made some sort of in roads into my fat life so far.
06/08/07 Weight 123kg
Last visit to see Dr Hamdorf before the surgery
I have had an absolute melt down over the last couple of weeks. My husband works away and I have been trying to deal with a whole barrage of emotion on my own. We live in Perth and have no family here so its a case of 'screw it, just do it' which works for me most of the time but right now it has been just miserable. I have been convinced I wont make it through the surgery and have been planning my funeral and saying goodbye to people in my head! I walked into the Dr's office and just burst into tears. Dr Hamdorf wanted to know what was up and what my concerns were. I said it was not waking up from the anesthetic. He talked me through it all and I must say that was a real fresh touch to my little world. I walked away feeling a lot more 'together'. I also decided that the next person that walked into his office I was going to just walk up to and ask if he/she had had a lap band. Thank goodness the next person was a very approachable looking woman who kindly said she had after her initial shock at my forwardness. She gave me the name of a banders website which I found really helpful and down to earth. I think I am going to have it done! Maybe.
My other really huge hiccup in my thinking is that I am a christian so I have struggled with what God is making out of all this. I feel like such a failure and feel so blaaaa about who I am right now that I have been feeling how much God has been disappointed with me. I have since rung friends and had prayer and have come to the hopeful conclusion that God loves me and that this is ok. Perhaps not ideal but OK. I love God!!