Happy ONE YEAR BANDERVERSARY

Hi all, Gosh I don't know where the time goes but it sure goes somewhere. Can you believe it has been a whole year since I was banded! ONE YEAR this week! Good grief. What a year its been. I feel all sorts of emotions when I think of the build up to the operation then the last year. I was beside myself with fear this time last year. Fear of the operation and failure and then the enormous hopelessness of my weight problems and what would happen to me if I didn't go ahead with it. So here I am a year later thinking how at times I still feel a bit hopeless because I am still struggling with weight everyday but also because I was hoping to be in the 80ks range and I am still about 96kg. I know I need to go have a yak with my surgeon and discuss what else to do but I feel really embarrassed at not being lighter. On the other side of the journey (the positive side) I am hugely grateful that I have lost over 37kg and have a life. I have a new career that could never have happened without the band and I have given myself years back. For that I am so thankful for.
The fact is that I am always going to have to be focused on what goes into my mouth and I have to exercise (a dirty dirty word right now).
I am going to make an appointment to see Dr Hamdorf in the next couple of weeks and talk 'stuff' over with him. A part of me is hoping for a sleeve to replace the band but I dont know if its easy to convince ones surgeon of it. Andy is looking amazing from all the exercise he is doing. He has lost about 20ks and is very toned and yummo looking. I listen to hime huff and puff for an hour each day and think how little time that one hour is but thats about as far as I get to joining him.
Well no more news from me. I will post again soon. xxx
PS I am loving my job. Just loving it. Its bizarre that I love it so much I guess but I really do .

Training is over! Wow its been a long 3 months but its finally done and dusted although now the real world awaits and that feels a bit scary too. My weight has taken a hammering throughout the last 3 months. I had mum over and lots of fill removed when the chicken got stuck so its all been very up and down. I am two kilos heavier than when I started so considering my options have been a cooked lunch with pudding every day it really isn't too bad. The biggest bummer is that I have stopped exercising and I can tell the inches have crept back on. Once I get to my workplace (from tomorrow) then I will join the group of woman who walk the perimeter each day during lunch and once I get a bit of confidence I will even go to the gym during lunch break (there is a gym on site). Gosh its just such an on going battle but I am still determined (most days) to win it. My passing out ceremony was fun. I have never done anything like it before so we all marched into the gymnasium where our families and dignitaries were and received certificates etc. I found it quite exciting cos I feel like I have actually achieved something. 23 out of the 24 new recruits made it which wasn't too bad given how hard we all found it.No more news from me at the moment. Blog ya soon x Dianne

Good Grief that was a bit scary. I tried to log on and it didn't recognise me? What the! I thought I would never be able to update again.....but alls well now.Hope you are all doing well. Its the end of another week and I only have ONE MORE TO GO before I am off to the real world and I can actually put into practice all that I have been taught or should I say all that I have tried to learn. Its been a long three months that's for sure. Tomorrow I have the day off. That's the first one in three months and coming from my last job and a boss who's middle name was 'sure no problem' I have had problems dealing with this one who's name is ' naff off and don't bother me'. Anyway tomorrow is my first day at trying to solve my sticky eye and girly problems after I go and meet friends for lunch and do some shopping woo hoo. I am not a shopping sorta girl but after the last three months I think I might just be tomorrow. My eating is still scewwiff but the good thing is I haven't put on any weight so that's a bonus. I have another band friend who has just added 8kgs back to her frame and is struggling desperately which is something that I can relate to well. People tend to think this was an easy option but in truth the issues are still all there. Anyway enough of that. We had my girls engagement party last night and that went off with a hiss and a roar. Master 17 bought his new girlfriend along (well at least I think he did but as his face was attached to hers the whole night maybe it wasn't who I thought it was lol) Ah young love! Well nothing else to type about. Hope you are all ok. Will blog again later in the week. xx

It has been ages since I blogged and I'm sorry about that. A combination of things really. Feeling really fat and don't wanna discuss it for one. Am starting to HATE the academy for another. Feel like everything is out of control for another actually the list isn't seeming to end.
I am about 96kg which is a little higher than I was but not as high as I deserve to be BUT it may as well be cos I feel like I am as big as a house and am constantly shocked that I can still do my uniform up. Every day I put it on thinking 'this is it' or ' its never going to do up' but it does. Its such a psycho thing which is doing my head in. I aren't able to eat a lot but as I am not exercising at all and eat lollies all day to try and stay awake with the rest of the trainees i am not doing myself any favours. Its so scary to gain weight and I am always on edge about it. That's probably the biggest bummer of this journey - the fact that nothing has really changed and no eating/fat stresses have really left me cos I still constantly think of food/gaining/losing/what to eat or not to eat. I am at the point of asking my surgeon to take the band out and replace it with a sleeve but I don't really think he will although I am going to discuss it with him. The sleeve is where the stomach is stapled to a tiny one (about the size of your little finger) the bonus is NO Follow up adjusting. The problem is that I still continue to make poor food choices and am right back at square one. I might be feeling like this due to being one month away from my 1st year bandaversary and I thought I would be at goal where as right now I cant see anything except that friggin 100 still in view! AHHHHHHHHH.
I also am in the process of a possible hysterectomy. Woo hoo. I say possible as I have been told that as I had a Cesarean I am at higher risk of some bloody thing but I switched off so don't know what that is. I am having a Mariner (not sure if that's the right spelling) put in on Monday to try and give me some 'wing free days' so I am really looking forward to that minor surgery NOT. I had to have an internal scan (sorry to all the boys reading this) which was a thrill a minute. I feel a bit ripped off as a girl today!
What else is going on? Mmmm oh yeah. I have conjuctivitis in one eye that wont seem to bugger off with antibiotics so thats a thrill. Why did I leave it so long to post. Shit I feel so much better now hehe.
I am not suppose to blog anything about my job for safety reasons (if anyone tracked down who I was I could be vulnerable so I am going to be extra careful with what I say. However I just want to add that I have two weeks left then my training is all over and I start in the real world. I feel quite anxious about it although I think once I am in doing it I will be so much better off than all this theory bullsh*t. Its doing my head in. I have had numerous spats with the trainers and another is brewing. Today I refused to take off my ISSUED jumper as it was 2 degrees and I have spent the last three weeks with a flu that I havent fully shaken off. Well that went down like a lead balloon and I am half expecting to get a detention or some bloody thing.
No more news from me for now. Sorry that it looks like a big bitch session but............................it is and plus you are a cheap counsellor lol. xx Dianne