I went and had my barium swallow yesterday. It is like drinking liquid concrete and as I swallowed the doctor followed it down with his machine. Checked that everything was where it should be at and apparently it is. No leakage or anything. It doesn't show the lump under the scar tissue so I still have to have a scan of that. You know its bloody tiring being a hypochondriac and really expensive too! Not sure what my wieght is doing but I do know I am still not out of the 90's due to chocolate (easter is lasting a long time) and red wine and chippies! Grrrrr old habits are hard to break. Not much else to say. Blog ya soon xxxx

Poor Bella died early this morning. I know she was just a dog but shit the pain is just miserable. Caleb is beside himself. We bought her home and had a funeral for her which I think is a good thing for a 12 year old. We all now have to have tetanus shops due to it being a transferable disease and Mags our other dog gets one tomorrow too. RIP Bella xxxxxxx

Went and visited Bella with Caleb today, She recognised Caleb and was beside herself to try and get to him but she couldn't move a muscle. Gosh it is so awful.Its just like rigamorteous (sp). Stiff like a dead thing but can still hear everything. I can hardly breathe when I see her. The vet must think I am a mad woman. I ring 10 x a day and pop in to see her at least once. Just wanna cry all the time when I am there. Took her teddy in today and she licked it.
I went to see the surgeon today. I told him that my band isn't comfortable and he is a bit concerned. Oh goody another freaking thing to worry about. He could feel the lump under one of the scars and is concerned by that as well. Am going for a liquid concrete swallow and x ray next week. Will be glad to get that done. No more fills but he was OK to leave what was in there in.
PS To my sister who reads this. Don't be mean to me about Bella, OK! I know we aren't very soft like that but this is shit I tell you ! lol xxx

Poor Bell

No change! Just as bad as yesterday. Thinks she may pull through but that sounds as bad as yesterday when they said she had a 50/50 chance. Vet man thinks she may have been poisoned or could even be a tumor. Oh how I hate the wait!

Its 7am 16/04 and I have been up since 4 am pacing the floor watching the clock for it to hurry up and get to 8am. I don't know if I told you but we got my son a gorgeous golden lab puppy 'Bella'. We have had her for about 6 weeks and she is just the loveliest dog. She had these amazing hazel eyes that just make you want to melt She had her second lot of shots last week and we have all been hanging out to take her walking but have another month to wait. Anyway, I got home from work on Tues and Caleb said Bells eyes seemed funny. I looked at them and thought they did too and Andy thought she had poked them or had sand in them. So I rinsed them with some saline. Yesterday morning when I got up I called her and I could hear her thumping around in Maggie's (other dogs) kennel. I went over to get her and she was stiff like a board. She couldn't bend her legs or stand properly and her eyes were bright red with no pupils showing at all. Gosh it was so awful. Andy dropped me off at work (no vets open till 8am) then raced her to the vets. It turns out she has canine tetanus. She has a 50/50 chance of survival. Our whole house is a mess. I cant sleep imagining her alone at the vets and Caleb keeps bursting into tears. Its just the pits. So, here I am waiting waiting waiting for the cash cow (oops vet) to open. I have a surgeons appt at 3.00 to check out the band and fill etc but will decide if I go once I here how Bella is. Will keep you posted xx

Happy Easter

Hello all. Haven't solved the problem from the last post but I have spoken to some seniors so we have a bit of a plan in action which basically consists of recording whats going on then the seniors will back me up if I take it further. Will just play it by air and see what comes of it. Back to see Dr Keirith next week. I seemt to once again be able to eat a lot more than I could a week ago. The fills seem to last a while then it loosens up. I also eat a bit of junk food so that doesn't help the scales one bit. But it issss easterrrrrr after all. Quiet one for us this year and cheap. Three of my kids are away camping and the other one was coming over with his wife for lunch but rang and cancelled just as I had finished cooking it which is not unusual for him and her for that matter. Anyway I now have the shits on with them so am going to eat their easter eggs (thatll show em lol) I have just had three days off work. Andy worked till 10pm last night. When he got home I had put heaps of candles around for a romantic ambiance and made platters of finger foods which were spread out on dishes on the floor. Honestly he walked in and the candles made the room so hot that we sat there on the floor with sweat pouring off us. In the end I had to open all the doors and let the breeze in. We watched some movie which was suppose to be funny but as the dvd player was playing up it kept jumping all over the show so we missed most of it.
This morning went to the waterfront and had a buffet breakfast but hears the thing. $25 for as much as you can eat and all I could eat was about half a cup full. Andy was on strict instructions to chow down massively lol. Poor man had to be just about rolled out the door hehe.
Well thats it from me. Happy easter xx

Warning - Contains course language

Hello all. I was lying in bed (11 am on my day off) pondering some 'stuff' and thought ' bugger it, may as well blog'. Always good to write down stuff that's going on in my head I reckon so that's whats bought me to this chair. Firstly band is going good. Not as tight after the last fill now. It must settle and swell a little when its first filled then that must go down cos I can eat lots more than I could last week. I secretly wonder if its leaking but no one seems to think so so maybe it's just the way it is. I go back end of next week so Ill talk to him then. Not sure what the scales are doing but its Easter and well I'm eating chocolate which I like a great deal of lol. I am again not exercising and that just pisses me off but I'm just too tired after my 12 hour days at work. We are looking at taking a big trip overseas next year so both Andy and I are upping our overtime to fund it which definitely rules out exercise (I know its a piss poor excuse but it works for me OK lol) Andy has finished training and is now at the job. Very exciting for us although I have hit a bit of a problem which potentially is going to be a complete bastard of a thing if I can't sort it but.....................................................not sure how to sort it.
The industry that I work in is very male orientated and that's just one of those things that I accept. Years ago I would have really baulked the system and tried to fight for equality and all that but now I understand its just how it is and no matter what no body is going to change it so when i arrived at the job I decided the best way to get acceptance was to act like one of the lads which I can do easily. I don't try and pull the female card at all because its been so hard to be accepted as an equal ( and I'm still working on it) In fact I seem to have done it so well that when we all went out a couple of weeks ago every ones mouths dropped open when I walked in, in a dress and make up. Some didn't recognise me at all.
Anyway FAT MR BEAN as he will now be referred thinks hes all that but is sadly all of nothing yickkkky. Most of the time us girls just roll our eyes and keep working but yesterday I was sitting in the tea room alone with him and he got up to thank me for something. As he walked towards me I thought shit he is going to hug me or kiss me or something and then thought nah he wouldn't then thought shit he is..................... all as he got closer (we are only talking 4 or 5 steps so I didn't have time to make a dash). Anyway before i could move he was coming down on me for a hug and I was so gob smacked that my mouth was partly open again his neck and my arms pinned to my sides. I couldn't friggen move with shock. I can't say fear but it was definitely shock. All I could think in what seemed like hours was 'don't move, don't breathe and don't move your fucking tongue a fraction or he's gonna think you are trying to get it on lol". Anyway it was only a hug of a couple of seconds but I spent a long time scrubbing my mouth and cleaning my teeth.
So, that's what I was lying in bed thinking about this morning. What am I going to do about ugly Mr Bean. I know if I was to try and tackle this I would be ostracised and in essence would absolutely have to leave they would make sure of it. Am I willing to risk it for an offensive little fuck! And at the end of the day whats he really done? Yes he's crossed boundaries but what would i say. "Fat Bean hugged me and I didn't like it". Any ideas?