Hi all. Its raining here today I guess with it being the wet season and all. I have had a really confronting week. We came to Karratha with my daughter and her husband who got work the day after we arrived and are doing really well. Emma is 21 and very overwieght now. I have watched her slowly lose her confidence with every kilo gained and it just really upsets me. She had her work party this weekend and I was out shopping when I ran into her. She was shopping for a dress. I could see at first glimse that she was struggling with it and when I rubbed her arm and said 'want me to hang out with her and help you' she just burst into tears. I had forgotton those days of misery but in that instant I was right back there. I was again 20 years old standing in a flash dress shop when the woman behind the counter looked up and screeched across the entire shop 'we dont have your SIZE in here' and the shame that engulfed me. I once again felt the horrible shame of standing at racks not being able to find a size 22 and sweating trying to heave my frame into something that didnt stand a show of getting on. Now, I am standing before one of four of my most treasured possessions feeling the pain so well. I cant discuss this with her because the times I have tried she is very defensive and full of pain but this particular day I as gently as I possibly could said to her 'hon let me help you and walk with you a while through this'. So fast forward three days later and we are doing the whole healthy eating and walking thing. I have also said to her if in a year she is in the same place then I will pay for her to have WLS because I truly dont believe she can lose it AND keep it off so if WLS is her saviour I fully support her. Presently she is not in the place where she will consider it which at 21 I think is just fine but I dont want her to wade through 20 years of shameful, painful heartbreak and then have it done. Will keep you posted.

We have arrived

I haven't disappeared I just let time run off with me. Since my last blog we have moved to Karratha. We set out last Friday night at 10pm with our two dogs Murphy and lilli. We left Rockingham after a stop at McDonald's for an ice coffee. We arrived at Geralton about 4.45am. Id had enough by then and I hadnt even got behind the wheel. It was nice and cool at least. We gave the dogs a wee stop and fuelled up then hit the road again. We had numerous stops to give the dogs a break and then reached Carnavon about 12.00. Man it was getting hot. We decided to move all of the stuff on the back seat to the Ute tray and put the dogs on the back seat so they had the air con too. It was enough to do our head in because they wanted to play. We kept plugging on and after more road side stops we hit Karratha at about 6pm. I have never been so glad to see a town come into sight as I was that night. We were met at our accommodation by someone from work who kindly turned on the air con for us. What a relief that was as the heat was something we hadn't experienced before. That was last sat night. Monday our furniture arrived and we got the keys to our house which is huge and cool with air con in every room. A big day unpacking and sorting. Wed our second car arrived. We flushed the loo for the first time and the whole system backed up. turns out a massive plumbing job was needed and the plumbers spent the whole day digging up our yard. Red dirt EVERYWHERE! So that's it. We are here and I am constantly sweeping up red dust as the house isn't being landscaped for a few weeks. The dogs don't know what the hell has hit them and spend all day lying in their paddle pool. Andy is back at work and I am back on Tues. bummer its all over ( Weight wise. Well I have managed to whack on about 4kgs. I honestly don't know how but I guess the drinks are the problem. Not alcohol (mostly not) just juices and anything else cold I have. I'm over it right now and will deal with it after Christmas. I'm quite restricted but obviously not enough. Well I'm off for a walk with the dogs now but keep checking in cos I will blog again..........promise xxxx

What a month its been since my last post. I managed (drum roll please) to gain 6 yes SIX kilos in six weeks!!!!! What a farking success story I am! So I decided to go see Dr Fill who was shocked and thought 'Ill teach the guts a lesson" and gave me a fill from hell. My first day back on duty and I had to sign off a lunchtime so I could get to Dr Fills office for a unfill so I could swallow. I seem to be at a comfortable place now.
We are moving to Karratha on the 05/12/09 which is super exciting (and Dr Fill) works up there once a month. The movers came in today and measured up for the move. We went and bought a 4x4 Holden Rodeo twin cab (yawn its a boring old white car to me) but it will be fun to go bush bashing lol.
We have been offered a 4x2 house in Karratha that is brand new so am most excited about that. Our daughter and husband are moving with us so that will be lovely to..........................I think! Long time since we lived together eeeeek. Will post again soon. xxxxxx

Well for all my poxing on about not getting a fill I lasted a week. When I went and had a Grand Angus burger from Mcdonalds (it was really good) I decided that after 2 years of the band I have learnt nothing and needed to get a fill put in. I went on Thurs to see Dr Fill and he gave me one till the needle couldnt get another drop in (8.9mls) and now I am so tight I cant have a drink AHHHHHHHHHH. For all those that read this you will be thinking Im nuts but you know after 2 years of this journey the thought of being able to just eat and not be in control or feel full is scarey. Its so easy to be a diet expert if you havent battled like truly obese people do and to be honest I am still one of those experts even when I cant get my own crap together. If someone says to me anything about dieting I give them a whole run down on what they should or shouldnt be doing only I cant get it together myself or take my own advice. I managed to put 4 kilos on in just over a week without the fill and for 7 of the 9 days I was really really good food wise. So I dont know whats up with that. Anyway I will soldier on and in a couple of days will be able to eat small and drink again. I am off to Qld in Nov to be a matron of honour for my friend. Very exciting to be going over there. So must get off to look for a dress. Blog you soon xxxx

Hi ya, Well its been quite a week. I had the novasure procedure on Wed morning. I was booked in as a private patient amongst a whole stack of other ladies. It was a real cattle station. Just all lying around waiting to have our uterus' zapped. Anyway I was third on the list and before too long was wheeled off to the operating theatre. I love that feeling of being put to sleep. Just drifting off but let me tell you that's about where the fun stopped cos when I came too I had very little balance and was vomiting like there was no tomorrow. Not to worry though I was bundled up into the car and sent home (cos that's what ya do when you are a busy hospital) Man I have been sick. The procedure took 90 seconds (that's the true amount of time to do the zap) but its Sunday and I am still trying to stem the nausea and imbalance thing. Apparently I have had some sort of allergic reaction to the morphine so its a case of just riding it out. And what a ride it is. Pity it feels like a roller coaster. I had all my fill taken out on Monday, She took out 10mls. That left me 1 ml to get food down. No wonder I was unable to eat much. However, now woo hoo. I have eaten oranges and mandarins and rockmelon like there is no tomorrow. I had Brussels sprouts and prawns and fries for tea. Andy bought me this machine called a Teflon actifry and it makes the best chips and wedges I have ever had in only a tablespoon of oil. They are delicious and just like deep fried (REALLY)!!
I am suppose to have my fill put back on Thurs but am seriously thinking of just leaving it out for a while. I know I will put a bit of weight on but the pay off would be to have some good nutrition and give my body a break. After two years of throwing up I feel like giving myself a break and the other thing is that I have forgotten what an amazing thing our bodies are. I have just had my womb zapped to stop it ever producing another bub and I have cursed those periods big time but this last week has got me feeling quite nostalgic about what a wonderful service my body has given to me and how even after I have starved it for two years it is still working for me and functioning for me and being faithful to me. I am feeling like the least I could do is feed it up on some fresh fruit and veges. Well that's how I feel tonight. Who knows by Thurs what Ill be thinking lol

I made it! Got through 7 nights and didnt have a melt down although i am certainly still trying to catch up on some sleep now. Some of them were dreadful and some of them were just down right fun (well as much fun as working can be). We have one tosser of a Senior Officer who took it upon himself to pick on me and that made a really hard few days. Then one of the nights I had to watch cameras all night to the point I felt like I was going to go cross eyed. Anyway who cares its all done and now we are on 6 weeks holidays. We arent going anywhere but (dont hold me to this) we are going to spend the whole time doing the gym and running and walking and cycling thing eeeeek. I am getting a new bike for my birthday so am looking forward to treadling around the place.

My weight is about the 82kg mark still. I dont really look too much now. I just am happy that I feel ok with how I feel.

20/09/09
Update. I am off to have my entire fill removed so I can have a Novasure procedure on Wednesday. This makes me really nervous. A, because I wont have any restriction and that means the sky is the limit for me food wise and b, because I always think I am gonna die when I have an operation so am freaking out about that.
ITs just a fairly minor thing but it does still freak me out. Hopefully its going to mean no more periods so it will be worth it (except if I die lol)
Will blog again after thursday to update you xxx

I am about to start 7 nights straight so thought I better update this real quick cos after about two I am gonna feel like I have lost my mind let alone 7. Don't know what the hell I was thinking by shift swapping into all those nights. Oh well when its over I get 6 weeks holidays woo hoo. Band is pissing me off right now. Its tight but not quite tight enough but after the last fill and having to get some out not really wanting to get anymore in. Not sure what to do. I have gone up 2 kgs which is a good indicator of needing more in but maybe just a half. Spose to be having my girlie op on the 23rd so will need all the fill out for that however things have really settled down after all these months of being outta whack. Always the way isn't it. Alicia our new grand baby is lovely. Still cant believe my son is a dad at 18 and still feel gutted for him in lots of ways but he is happy and doing great so who am i to feel bad for him. Our other granddaughter Kimberley keeps asking if we still love her. Ohhhhh kids. She just about took the top of her finger off in a door yesterday so has it all stitched back up and bandaged. Some heavy duty spoiling by Nanna is coming her way lol. Not much else to catch you up on. Will blog again when I am on holidays. Oh oh really exciting my in laws are buying me a push bike for my birthday. I am really excited about that. I have an old one but am looking forward to a better one and may try cycling to work from time to time. I am trying to get fitter but I hate it so its hard to get excited by it. Blog ya xxx