What a day! 19/09/07

Anyone who is reading this and doesn't want to hear about constipation needs to stop reading now...........................I mean it. I have been to the loo two times in two weeks and I'm telling you that even then it wasn't very significant. Yesterday I was hit with the worst tummy cramps and wind that I think I have ever experienced. Andy rang me when I was at the train station and I was in tears telling him I didn't think I could get home. (What he was going to do about it from the mines I don't know). I tried and tried to go to the loo but my tummy was so sore to sit and to stand I didn't know where to put myself. I was thinking perhaps it was a perforated bowel or a twisted bowel - but as i don't really know what that means I was just guessing. So, I txt my surgeon and it went something like this -use your imagination. I am driving along and grab my mobile at every set of lights to send him this msg. 'I forgot to ask you yesterday what can I take to go poos cos I think its stuck'. Right, msg sent. Wait wait wait........................Get home and then a msg is received that says 'who is this'. Ooops. Send another msg 'sorry its Dianne and I am in such pain I need to go poos and cant'. He rings me and says to go and buy some Agarol and take 30 mls two times daily. That is my first issue. To take mls and not pills means it is going to be foul and I cant swallow foul without chucking. Right I am desperate so off i go and the minute I see the GIANT bottle and the pleasant vanilla flavour I know it is going to taste like crap. But I am desperate so I buy it. Its thick and white and plops out in globs but i manage to get 30mls in and then another 30 this morning. I tell you all day I thought yep...............yep....... yep ...................................... nup just fart. All day it was like that. Then the helpful lady at work said if it pokes out to try and grab it (with tissues..............what the!!!!!)I will pass on that baby thanks, itll have to stay there. Then finally, I thought hey this is feeling positive and I go off to the loo. Everyone in my section now knows that I am constipated because I have gone to the loo so many times that I had to explain and I am sure they are all watching wondering how its going- yes we have boring jobs. So I am back in the loo for the twentieth time and I remember that my nephew use to suffer terrible constipation as a bub and he use to squat and still does because it really helps him so if you are still with me and not too grossed out I slip off my pants and balancing ever so carefully (all twinkle toes 115kg of me) I get up on the toilet and squat over it. Within minutes it was all on and working,. I was so relieved I sat down on the seat feeling so content until I realised I missed the bowl and had sat in it. 30 minutes later I was finally cleaned up and the toilet was sparkling and disinfected. Man I hope it is all back to regular now but at least I still have a litre of goop and my squat method to keep me going lol. Dr Hamdorf left me a msg today to ask how I was and if I was comfortable (could of done with a cleaner) but all in all i am feeling quite jolly good right now.