I think I have had one of the most frustrating weeks ever. I have battled every bureaucratic ninnie and I am just over them all. Why cant Aussie employ clear English speaking Dr's? To add to the pain of all of that I have been trying to kill the infection that I got. It seems to be clearing up but its far from right. I still have about a day and a half of meds left so here's hoping that ll kick it in the head. I still get a bit of a sting at the very start of the wound on my hip but the skin getting really comfortable. Still times of being tight but not too bad and certainly manageable. I still haven't reverted back to sleeping on my tummy but I almost could. Its just not quite comfortable enough. I cant wait to have my boobs done. That will be awesome. Hope you are all well. Blog ya soon

Oh great an infection

I have already typed the surgeon suggested i walk in water as a form of low impact exercise so a few days ago I though Id give it a go.Well wouldn't you know it if I dont go and get an infection just under my belly button.  I had some swine flu antibiotics left over so I took them not realising that all AB's arent the same. Luckily my nurse friend corrected me and off I trotted to the Dr's. I got some golden staph AB's and hopefully that ll kick it in the head.
Boy I hope so. The one thing I have tried so hard to avoid is an infection of any kind so this was a real step back for me. Interestingly the Dr said he thought it was probably from a broken suture that has made its way to the surface and may pop out of the wound. Now that's something to look forward to lol xx 

A funny thing happened today

Completely off losing weight subject. We have two Labradors. Murphy and Lilli. They were going to be husband and wife but after her first two seasons Murphy it seemed didn't know how to be a stud so we decided that we would have her and him fixed and just having them as pets. We went away for two weeks a couple of weeks ago and when we got home I said I thought Lilli looked preggers. As time has gone on we weren't sure and last night were saying we might take her to the vet to see if she is. Didn't really think so as our dog sitters didn't notice any shagging happen and they were with them almost 24/7.
This morning I was sitting watching tv when I heard a crow  squawking. It was one of those constant noises and eventually I got up and looked out the window. There is Murphy standing over what I thought was the crow until he picked it up and walked off and I saw a very distinct puppy in his mouth.
I went rushing outside and found 2 more in a recess in the yard. I bought them in with Lilli then Andy walked in saying I found another FOUR!!!! So we have 7 little Hershey coloured lab pups all well and healthy and living in the spare room with mum.
What an exciting day! lol
Will post some photos soon. Awww too cute!!
     

Well its been one  month since the op. I cant believe its been that long. I really cant believe a month of our holidays are gone already. Andy is off to Christchurch this weekend and I'm soooo jealous but glad he is going to see his family. I long to smell the green grass of home. Next year hopefully.
My wounds are healing really well. It still feels really tight at times and I'm guessing it will for a while. I don't know what I would think if it didn't as its a real indication that I have a tight taught tummy. My belly button still looks like a little alien. I am bio oiling like there is no tomorrow. All in all its really good. It sure has made me keen to get a boob job but that will have to wait for now. It will come but not sure when. Someone once said to me I was too old for one but I really don't think so  and even if I did I would still do it lol.
I'm off to walk in water today at the local pools. I'm gonna use a flutter board cos the pools grade is really steep and one minute IMO walking then a step later I am on tippy toes and then I'm submerged so a board should help me a bit. I have also been exercycling. Well I have done 10 minutes of it and it seemed to not be too hard on my belly so will keep going with that . I have been really good with my eating and have lost a grand total of absolutely nothing NOTHING!!!!! I also haven't gained anything so that's something I guess! Blog you soon xxx  

Felt like a million bucks!

Back from the wedding. I saw so many people from work which was lovely to catch up with them all. Most of them didn't recognise me for ages which always happens when I don't wear glasses although I cant see a thing! I wore a dress which is unusual for me so it was probably a little harder to tell my tum had changed but the majority were gob smacked at how different I looked. (lots checked out my none existent new rack lol).
One of the amazing things was how many ladies said they were either booking in or were seriously thinking about booking in for some surgery. They said I had inspired them. Im not sure how but I do understand it takes courage to do it although maybe I didn't show jsut how much I was pooping bricks. So many people thought I looked really different in the face and like I told them its only the 6 days having complete bedrest and then being on holidays although I got asked if I had had a face job!!!!!   
My lesson last night which I have learnt so well but obviously not well enough is 'dont go out hungry'. I was like a prowling lion when the food came out and as ii was Thai food (YUMMO) they had me at coconut cream. Needless to say I chowed down big time and enjoyed every fried, spiced, creamed thing but now I have the guilts so I will drink copious amounts of water and rein in the appetite big time for the next few days.
Will try and get some photos up today xx

Its 5.21am and I have been up for an hour. Not sure whats up with my sleeping I think being on holidays has really thrown it all out of whack.
Last night was the first night I could lie on my tummy and feel almost  like I could have slept like it. Things must be stretching a little for that to happen cos up till now its felt way to tight and I certainly haven't been able to stretch out at all on my tummy. Its a nice feeling to think I will be able to be a tummy sleeper again very soon. I hate it on my back so that will be great.
Ive been thinking I might try and start a weight loss support group up here in the sunny nor' west. Not a weight watchers style but more a share ideas recipes dreams and maybe some exercise together too, I really don't think it matters a toss how you lose weight as long as it is sustainable and I think with encouragement maybe we could cheer each other on to getting weight off and keeping it off. Its of course just an idea at this stage but maybe it will come together.
 We are going to a wedding late today and I am looking forward to getting a wee bit dressed up and seeing a lot of people I haven't since the tuck. I look forward to their reactions or even if they will notice. Most people thought (as I told them) I was having a boob job as well so whenever I run into anybody they look straight at my chest and I can see them thinking 'hmmmm not a lot of change for the money lol). I even had one lady say how great they were looking now!!!!
Will put up an updated photo tomorrow of the scars. Everything is healing perfectly except I still get freaked by my wee alien belly button xx       

Wow suddenly its like Im on this big blogging roll. I think its a combination of a new computer, being on holidays, excited at the tummy tuck and just wanting to burble on. I am going to go walking in the water at the local pools tomorrow. If you know anything about me its this. Me and exercise parted company years ago  by about my third contracted gym membership I was thinking 'this is nuts'. So to go to the pools is a big deal. I will pack a wee lunch and spend a few hours floating walking paddling!
No compression bandage is bliss. It took a while to get use to the security of it not being there but now I am well use to it and enjoying not getting hot and itchy under it. Bio oil is now being slathered on by the bucketload. I believe it helps and the surgeon said to use it so hopefully there is something in it. It helps with stretch marks too so I am thinking maybe I could bathe in it lol.
Catch you soon xx

Road to recovery

Wow I got an e mail from Dr Allen saying the compression bandage can now come off and from next week I can ride a bike gently and go walking and I can walk in water but no swimming for another month (over arm). Most exciting bit is by far removing the bandage. I am so pleased as it is getting into the 40's so that will help keep the body temp down. 

the journey continues...........................

Day 6 arrived and I waited patiently for Andy to arrive with our coffee and Dr Allen to arrive.  I thought it would be about 2 pm before he came in as that's what it had always been Andy and I had booked into a hotel for 3 days to keep me safe from the tummy bug that my kids and grandy had gotten and also just some time for us. It had been a huge build up and we just wanted to enjoy life for a few days. It was my granddaughters 7th birthday party today so I was hoping to call in on her for a quick surprise before heading to our hotel. Dr Allen arrived at 10am as it was the weekend and he gave me the all clear to leave hospital without the drain that had only collected 20 mls throughout the last 24hours. He also told me that he had performed 4 tucks that week and mine had been the largest amount of skin taken at (3kgs). I am stoked that it was that much as we had talked about it being 1.5kg - 2 kgs at the most. Absolutely stoked!!!   After we got all sorted we left and headed to our sons place to surprise them for a few minutes. It was a lovely surprise and we spent a couple of hours just sitting enjoying a 7 year olds important day. It was lovely. We then headed off and got a few groceries on the way to the hotel. Arrived knackered but happy and crawled off to bed for the rest of the day.
Day 7  Today we headed back to see the kids and we went to church. I then stayed with my sons partner and their bub while Andy went off and did a few boys things with our boys. This was wayyyy toooo much to attempt to do for me and although I loved the day I would have been better off staying at the hotel and relaxing but I really did over do it.
For the next 3 days we just took it easy. On the Thursday (day 10) I went and saw Dr Allen who gave me the all clear to start driving again and said I could head home on the weekend. He said he would see me at the end of November.
Day 12  About 9am we started the 16 hour drive home. I drove for about 2 of them and we decided 3/4 of the way home we were nuts and we would stay over in Carnavon about 9 hours into the drive. It was so good to stop and stretch out on the bed. Definitely the thing to do! We had a smorgasbord dinner and a good sleep then headed off again about 9am the next morning. We got home about 2 and were very glad to see the hills of home come into view. Poor Andy was stuffed.
Frome then till now  (day 21) I have just taken it easy. On day 16 I was allowed to remove the bandage covering the wounds which meant showering without blow drying them dry at the end of it. Small things make all the difference. I have to wear the compression bandage for another few weeks and that's fine even in this 40 degree heat lol. I will do anything it takes to have the best result.
I forgot to say that Andy asked me if there was anything I wanted from the shop. My answer..............yep I want some skimpy knickers cos for 25 years I have never had a pair that havent rolled down and hidden under the flap. (see the before photo). I now have 3 of the best pairs of lacy knicks and they sit on my belly. Wahoooo.
I will keep you posted as I go xx        

Tummy has been tucked

Day 1. On Monday the 18/10/2010 I arrived at St John of God hospital, Subiaco at 6.30am to start the mammoth journey of a tummy tuck. Dr Allen came and saw me about 7am and proceeded to draw all over my tummy and to try and give me a running commentary on what was going to happen. I say 'try' as I was in no frame of mind to hear all the details I just wanted to get it underway and not think about anything else other than to hope I woke up (general anaesthetics scare me). I waived bye to Andy and was wheeled into theatre about 8am, after the leg socks were put on.
I woke up to see a sea of faces and then drifted off again only to hear c'mon Dianne wake up. I remember thinking 'just leave me alone' and I became more irritated the more I kept getting disturbed. Every now and then I could hear Andy talk and what sounded like different medical staff talking shop around me but I was having a real problem waking up enough to concentrate or even care, a bit like when you are super tired and someone wants to wake you.
I remember seeing 3pm on the clock and waking long enough to see loads of people in my room (about 7 or 8) and I remember hearing someone say give her more of............. something in the form of drugs.
I woke up enough to focus about 4pm and felt like I had been run over and I felt really tight in my tummy but completely bearable just a bit of a weird feeling. I looked down to see my tummy completely bandaged but I was distinctly aware it was FLAT! Andy was talking to me and staff were talking to me and I remember smiling and thinking the world was a lovely place to wake up too then drifting off again. All night there were staff in my room and the obligatory medical checks were done.
By early the next morning I was having wakeful moment and it was then that the nurse told me I had had a reaction to the morphine and it was depressing my breathing making me breath only sporadically with as little as two breaths being taken per minute and up to 6. This only happened while I slept but it was enough to need a staff member to stay with me until I was wakeful enough to be left. I was pumped full of an opiate modifier to help get the morphine out of my system. At that time all I could think was 'man that ain't a bad way to go' lol but looking back now I think 'thank you God I never went to Thailand for this op'. Just imagine being in a foreign country with no way of getting home quickly and possibly having a language barrier! Suddenly saving a few $'s didn't really seem that important.
Day 2 I was more wakeful throughout the day. Eating and drinking normally with a catheter in and drains coming out of each side of me. The catheter hurt and I was most keen to get that out. Dr Allen came and saw me and said I would have it out the next day and I couldn't wait! Andy bought Caleb in to see me (our 14 year old). He had only been there for 20minutes when he put his head on my bed and said he felt really sick. Andy took him home and for the next 24 hours every member of my family (they were staying with my eldest son and his wife and daughter) vomited and had stomach pain including some diarrhea. Oh yes the timing was perfect!!! I started praying profusely that I wouldn't get it and and God answered as I still haven't had it.
My other focus was doing number 2's. I desperately wanted to be able to go easily given that any sort of bearing down or tummy muscle exercise was to be avoided so each meal for me consisted of as much fibre, fruit and veg as I could but having no fill in my band meant either behave or gain weight and after the money time and effort involved it was not an option to gain weight so I was and still am not allowing anything high in sugar or fat past my lips.
Day 3 The catheter is taken out and not a moment too soon. Wow was that thing awful. So now I wait to find out that my bladder is working again ok.I was painfully aware of course that to go to the loo now meant I had to walk there and that was causing me to break out in a sweat. Finally after what I thought was enough water and with the help of the nurse I was helped up and I tentatively shuffled to the toilet. It hurt and stung a bit (walking that is) but it was bearable and probably no worse that the cesar that I had years ago. To my utter delight I went for a pee. Now just if number 2's would happen I would feel like the world couldn't be a better place lol. I also was able to have my first shower. This was a mission. I got all I needed then shuffled to the en suite. There was a chair in the shower cubicle and I sat down after getting the shower temp right. It felt blissful. I reached up to take the hand held shower off its post and miscalculated how forceful the water was. The thing jumped out of my hand and snaked around the bathroom and then shot out the door which was open and lay on my bedroom floor spraying water at the ceiling. What a mess and how hard was it to move fast enough and retrieve the thing. What felt like hours later I had cleaned up, dried off and dressed and shuffled back to be exhausted but quietly content that I was definitely on the mend.
Day 4 Finally the break of dawn and day four was here. I looked forward to that time each day cos I knew I was a day closer to going home but I have to say that I was desperately enjoying the quiet time, the menu being delivered and what were really lovely meals. No phones, no visitors (apart from Andy who bought in some of the best takeaway cappuccino's I have ever had) and just generally being waited on hand and foot. I had a tv to watch and I just felt safe. Dr Allen came and saw me daily and reassured me that everything was now fine (after the morphine scare). Day 4 was also to be the big reveal day where my bandages would be taken off and I could see my tummy for the first time. Wow was I looking forward to this day starting! At about 2pm Dr Allen arrived with a nurse and I braced myself for the unwrap. Scared and not daring to believe that it was going to be 'that fabulous' but hoping upon hope that there would be a difference. As Dr Allen undid the compression bandage (Velcro on) there was silence as Andy and I gawked at my tummy. It was magnificent. So, so magnificent. I couldn't stop smiling all afternoon especially as I had my first fart indicating that maybe everything there was starting to burble back into shape. I shuffled off to the loo late on day 4 and another prayer was answered.
Dr Allen asked the nurse to take out my right side drain as in 24 hours it had only accumulated 10mls so this could now be removed. My toes curled as she snipped the stitch holding it into place and slowly proceeded to pull a foot of pipe out of me. It was definitely not a nice feeling but again it was manageable and with the panadol and trimodal I was taking I think the edge had been taken off my nerve system and I got through. Dr Allen said I may be going home tomorrow which was exciting but also a bit sad. No more meals delivered to me :( but other than that it was a perfect day!!!!
Day 5 This was a Friday and I thought it would be home day. Dr Allen came in saw that i had drained 30mls into the drain container and said he wanted to discharge me tomorrow and it would be with or without the drain being taken out. I didn't mind and relaxed for the rest of the day. I was now able to walk a lap of the ward and this helped me to go toilet daily. I weighed myself and I was 8kg lighter than when I was admitted on Monday. Not a bad loss. It cost $1000.00 per kilo and was worth every cent lol.
Even though I could walk easier than I had been after just a few minutes the skin felt tighter and tighter and I was still quite bent over. It still felt like a huge marathon to just do a small slow lap of the ward. Never the less I felt like i was slowly very slowly getting back to normal.
To be continued with photos. Stay tuned xx

Another Bandaversary

Its now been three years since I had my band, Wow how time has gone by. I had a fill a couple of days ago and now have full on restriction again which is awful. I so wish I didnt have to have one but if I dont I just eat too much and all day long. I spoke to Dr Keirith about the tummy tuck and he thinks I should lose more weight but I think Ill be right about where I am now so thats ok with me although it did unsettle me for sure. He also suggested I have it done in Thailand which was surprising but he said they are top Drs and faultless hospitals way above the quality in Australia. It has got me thinking again as to weather that should be an option to look at. Eeeeeek dunno. Itll cost $5k as opposed to $13k for a boob job thats flights hotel and surgery. Huge difference. Dunno something to think on. I did get to see some Thai handiwork in the form of my friends boob job andI have to say I would have been pretty impressed if they were mine. She is delighted so ...................................................watch this space.
Not much else to report. Hope you are all ok. Blog ya soon xx

Its been a funny time since I put up the last post about a tummy tuck. I am really shocked at the bitchy jealousy remarks/snigger's I have had particularly from some work colleagues. I'm really shocked. I would be genuinely pleased if not a little envious of someone being able to have some plastic surgery if that's what they wanted and would make them feel better about themselves but and I'm sorry to say woman, are truly their own worst enemies. Do we as woman really think that having a snarly attitude towards each other when one of us wants to do this is ok? I don't get it. If I could get through to myself and truly believe that the huge flap of skin hanging off my stomach isn't effecting my life and my 80yr old boobs (Dr said that to me when I was 24) were just fine and didn't bother me everytime I took off my clothes I would put myself through 7 hours of surgery and 6 weeks of intense recovery? Never mind the huge expense! Why cant we just be happy for each other or at least pretend.
I really wish I had of just shut up and did it all quietly only to be bombarded with attitude and 'looks' from my work mates. I feel really gutted. I know I know its jealousy and bitchiness but its also a let down.
Moving on. I have decided to change surgeons as I got to see (very graphically) a ladies surgical photos of a surgeon that I had met a couple of years ago and really liked. He is roughly the same price and I feel better about using him so thats now all booked in. This lady has lost an amazing 110kgs and so as you can imagine had huge amounts of skin to trim off. She is a real inspiration to me and although she still battles her fat demons its been great to have her to sound off with.
Well will update again in a couple of weeks. Cheers to you all particulare the non knockers xx

Hello all, its been agesssss and kilo's since we last talked lol. Well its been 6 kg UP thats UP not the other way but I seem to be behaving so I hope to drop them over the next few weeks. The exciting news is ........................................... Im booked in for a tummy tuck on the 27th Oct. Very excited and scared and nervous about that! Very! It will be done in Perth and the op lasts for 6 hours and I will be in hosp for 10 days! Obviously all that says its gonna be a big day or two afterwards. The surgeon will remove about 3kg from my tummy and said that is equal to about a 20kg loss from the abdomen. Woo hoo for that. I will keep you posted on the stages and if I can get some non graphic photos loaded I will xx

A couple of days ago I rang our local medical centre and asked if there were any doctors there that could loosen the band for me and ..............heypresto! I went and saw him yesterday and asked him to remove 2mls cos it had been 7 weeks since I ate anything other than chips (crisps) chocolate and flavoured milk. Do you know how little you need to gain wieght. Well lets just say in 7 weeks I put on 1 kilo. The Dr was hesitant for me to dictate how much to take out and I must admit when I saw how much 2 mls was I know I got it wrong. I also have to say that within and hour i went to Mcdonalds and ate a big mac. AHHHHHHHHH but oh my it was delicious lol. I decided that yesterday would just be a free day and today I would eat to lose wieght which for me is always a high protein number so thats where I am at today. Right now i feel like if I ever taste anything sweet or chips again it will be a day way too soon. I def still have restriction but not like it should be, Not to worry I am just gonna enjoy the wee break before I freak out and go back to Keirith for another fill. Blog ya soon xx

Hello hello. As my sister has dutifully reminded me its been a long time since I last blogged. I cant believe its nearly hit the two month mark. Maybe its because weight loss wise I have come to a standstill with a capital S. Or maybe its because I still HATE exercising and haven't done any apart from ride my bike whilst getting the dogs to run beside me which makes me feel super duper unfit because although my dogs are themselves super unfit I am unfitter (if that's even a word).
I met with a lady that I have only just got to know yesterday to talk with her the life as a bander as she is thinking of having one. I could see the hopelessness in her face as she talked about her weight struggles and her hopes of winning the battle once and for all. It reminded me so much of me almost three years ago and how i remember so well what that felt like. I think in years to come we are going to be astounded we had such a barbaric way of helping someone to lose weight because I am sure with time we will develop some magic pill or potion to achieve permanent weight loss but until then I still see this surgery as such a God send to those of us who cannot achieve results any other way.
The band is really tight right now in fact I know its too tight because of what I can and cant fit down and its not doing me any favours as I can only eat liquids most of the time and for some reason I can eat battered fish however take the batter away and I have no chance of keeping even a mouthful down. Dam it is odd. So my diet consists of a lot of flavoured milks and battered fish. I have had a go at catching my dinner and managed to get a couple yesterday but oh my gosh you wouldn't believe how much I have been chewed up by sand flies which I have learnt don't bite you but scratch you then piss in the scratch!! Ah ha hmm mmm thats a pleasant thought isnt it lol. Well all I can say is they must have had really full bladders cos I have huge lumps on me. Nothing seems to kill the itch. So, the best place and cheapest place to get some fish from is Woollies I have decided. By the time you get to the fishing whole. Slap on copious amounts of block and shit to get the sand flies to stay away (obviously that didn't work anyway) and lose boot loads of hooks and tackle some fresh snapper from Woollies seems to be the go.
Until next time take care xx

Hello all.
I had a fill on Wed. Really laboured over weather to go or not. I was able to eat a small meal of only bad choice foods and decided that I would go on a protein diet instead of a fill but then after eating numerous plain biscuits (good choice) stuck together with a slice of butter (bad choice) I thought I would go and fill the band some more. I was dreading the scales as I have come to avoid them since Nov 09 and as I have no idea what I weight I wasn't keen on getting on Dr Keirith huge weighing station ones. The last weigh in I had was at the Dr's and it was 88kg a few weeks ago but I have felt like I have put some on just by the clothes and the muffin top. Anyway I walked in and you beauty he has no scales. Ripper. So I have no idea what I weighed and I don't plan on finding out yet. I am back onto slushy food and liquids which is bad bad bad for constipation but its all I can manage so far. I have made some fab soups to eat in this cooler 38 degree climate lol.
Will keep you posted on it all though. xx for now

We went out to Gregorys Gorge on Saturday for the day. Wow it was hard going. Caleb (13) was just starting to get a bug which we didnt know was coming. I had just finished a night shift so was not really in what one would call high spirits and our driver talks a lot which is great if your not really tired and a sick kid is brewing in the back. We thought we would shoot out there have a look and a swim then head back. It turns out that the 4x4 track is only about 30ks but took just under 2 hours to get through (bugger about the whiplash). But the gorge is oh my gosh soooo beautiful. It is like a oasis in the middle of the desert. If you were lost out there you would literally die from thirst but the gorge could be just a few hundred metres away from you and you would miss it. We will go back and camp one day when it is cooler for sure.
The band seems to be a bit looser now so will have a fill in the next few weeks. Menopause (at 43) has hit with a vengence. I thought it was a piece of piss until last week when the hot flushes hit. OH MY LORD. We as woman are just ripped off. I am hoping beyond hope that they dont last long.
Nothing else to report. Add me as a friend on facebook if you want to check out the photos of the gorge trip. Just search Dianne Moar. xx Blog ya

I never went to the Dr. I ummmed and ahhhed about it for a few days then thought how silly I was being getting a fill when I am already restricted. We are going to Perth for a few days over Easter and I thought how miserable it would be to only be able to sip fluids for the whole time, So I have to stop eating M and Ms and drinking litres of ice coffee and behave. Ha .......................too easy!
Yesterday was a terrible drive to work. I am one (I don't really know anyone else who is as hopeless as me) of those people who only seem to see stuff when I am driving over the top of it which explains a couple of cyclists a few years ago. I'm alright on the road its just well other people who may not be. Yesterday I'm looking at this whole group of about 20 birds sitting on the road and I'm thinking 'stupid birds why do you leave it till the last minute. One of these days you are gonna leave it too late to fly off ' by the time I had finished thinking all that I had driven over the top of them and i realised it was some sort of flightless bird with lots of chicks. It was so awful. There were bits of birds flying (s'cuse the pun) up everywhere. I felt so bad that I bawled the rest of the way to work lol.
We just had our house all landscaped. So glad to get rid of the red dirt. Such a relief. Sadly one of our dogs thinks hes really smart bringing us a plant so today I am off to buy some chili paste and I am going to smear it all over the retic and plants in the hope that will deter him.
We went camping the last two weekends at Millstream which is a national park. Its really lovely there which is hard to see when you are from a magnificent country like NZ but after 10 years of Perth and sand for dirt I can really appreciate Millstream. The problem was the heat at night. Andy and I were sitting up at midnight dipping our clothes into our esky which still had some ice in it then putting our clothes back on. So hot and soooo many bugs. Still it was a neat experience but next time I think we will probably go in winter.
No more news from me. Hope all is well with you. Blog ya soon xx

Im going for a fill on Friday. Not sure why as I am already tight but itll get a few kilos off before I go for a trip back to Perth which will be good.
I just finished my third night shift and man it takes it out of me. Must be an age thing but I am completely knackered. Wish I could win lotto as everyone else does. Oh well.
My days at work have not been anywhere near the last post so thats a good thing. It was all about working with a woman who measures her penis daily. She really gets off in acting like some king kong and that day she picked the wrong person on the wrong day. By the end of the day although I didnt have an apology she was very very pleasant to me cos I think she knew her game was up (probably cos I told her as much). It all makes me sound big and tough which Im not I have more of a problem of not being able to keep my mouth shut so people think I will take on anything and although that is probably closer to the truth than I care to think it still affects me particularly a day or two later when I find I get really down and emotional and I get itchy. Must be like a nervous rash or something so anyway I worked with her last night and she was fine. The amazing thing is how many of the other staff patted me on the back and said they really cheered me on when I tore her down and that they were glad someone finally did it. How many people put up with shit and say nothing which begs my question. How do they sleep at night cos if I dont deal with something I wake up whacking the pillow or I wake all the time having vivid dreams about the person pissing me off. I dont know how people just let it go. I do wish at times I could because I can be more of a person to fear than to like which makes me sad sometimes. Another oh well! Hope you are all well. Will post again after my fill. Ohhhh and I am going to talk to him about a tummy tuck.

I HAD A COMPLETELY ****** DAY. YEP I MEAN SUPER ******! I AM GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT IT WHEN I HAVE CALMED DOWN AND CAN BREATHE EVENLY AGAIN. PITY I CANT (COS ITS WRONGGGG) PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE HEAD. TYPING IN CAPITALS SO IT FEELS LIKE I AM YELLING BUT OF COURSE IM NOT COS ITS LATE AND EVERYONE IS ASLEEP. ONE POWERBALL JUST ONE. I WOULD SETTLE FOR 1/4 RIGHT NOW

I cant change photos or add photos cos my computer is half broken ( the other half lets me blog ) Will get a new one one day!

Fishing Advice

I just had to put this up here. I have banged on a bit about fishing lately and my darling sister who isnt really much of a outdoorsy sorta person (I dont think) but her husband is a big time hunter/fisher type sent me this email

Further to your fishing expedtitions......................
To save the fish from flapping around and to make them last longer you are best to ikky them (WTF). Take a screw driver with you when you go fishing and when you catch a fish put a handtowel (yeah thats right a handtowel) over them and they calm down. Now for the good bit. Then take the screwdriver (uh oh) and stick it in their heads (ouch that has gotta hurt) above their eye and down towards their jaw. Thats where their brain is and it puts them out of their misery (thank goodness for that) Then she writes. Sucks the first couple of times but then you get the hang of it.

Im just going to go to the fish and chip shop. Thanks anyway Bonnie xxxx

Isnt it funny when you feel you are gaining wieght and are just too scared to even hop on the scales then you go to the Dr and he says 'step on the scales' and when I did....................................................................I hadnt put on hardly anything compared to what I thought. I was 87kg and I was sure i was up to about 95. Im so relieved and Im going to try harder and leave the alcohol alone for a night or two,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nah just one night to start with lol. I have just gotton back from fishing. Friggen KMart fishing rods. $50 buys you a good day of fishing then the whole sucker just explodes in your hands and the winder bit flew of the jetty and some screws when shooting off in another direction. So no more fishing until I get me a good rod. I just love it though. Its a pity I never liked it as a kid as mum and dad were both avid fisherman. Ah well I never liked cauliflour either but I do now lol. xx

Thanks for all your positive comments and e mails about the smoking blog. I felt like a real bitch for moaning about it but then someone said to me today that they got shit for taking a 10 min toilet break (cant hurry these things) from some of the other staff. Let them say that to me and see the fireworks lol.
Different note. Going to Dr tomorrow to get my thyroid checked on the minuscule chance its ground to a halt. I cant seem to shift weight even when I am relatively good and eat tiny amounts so I will check it out and I am also going to have acupuncture for weight loss (just cos I can) lol. Will let you know how that all goes.
Went fishing today with Caleb and caught lots of stuff but shit the gutting and scaling and filleting sucks in fact enough to make me go vego. Seeing those poor fish flap around gave me fishing guilt big time. I even kept apologising as I crunch around in their mouths to get the hook out. Eeek gross. xxxx

Well its taken me 10 weeks but its finally happened as I knew it would. I have finally blown my stack at a couple of colleagues and are probably going to get ostracized now and.............................. care factor 0! I had been sooooo good. Just saw things and heard things and thought nup not going to say anything, who cares, shut up, grin and bare it etc but yesterday after doing two night shifts last week and then a party appearance the night before which led to a 1 am bedtime only to get up again at 0620 for work I got a bit shaky on my be quiet policy and completely flew off the fucken handle. Here's the thing. I don't care if you smoke. I don't care if that's what you want to do shit I use to easily puff away 35 or 40 a day so I am fully aware that its a habit that's as bad to break as heroin. There is a couple of things I expect smokers would just do. Here they are If you see me and you are smoking well excellent but don't blow it in my face, If I'm in a room don't walk in with a smoke lit and if you are in my car don't light up which also goes for inside my house other than that knock yourself out. I don't think that's unreasonable. I don't think that's discriminatory . Being asthmatic is a bitch and having it bought on by someone else's smoke is a bigger bitch. Well I learnt something else that pisses me off, that the amount of times I am asked to cover someone else's job so they can 'pop out for a quick fag' is shit! Its just the expected thing. I don't ask for 15 minutes every hour for a fresh air break so why should I have to do the work load of two or sometimes three other colleagues so they can stand outside fagging all the day! Last night at 6pm the night shift officer walks in. (She left a note the previous night complaining that certain people hadn't gotten everything done on the previous shift that I was on). She says hello puts her stuff down logs onto the computer then says at 6.10pm can you just watch the office (it can not be left unattended) while I pop out for a quick smoke. 35 minutes later I'm still waiting for her to return from the group meeting/smoke break outside so I can finish my really busy day that I now have to get done in half the time I had. Is it unreasonable to feel so pissed off? I know now (because probably 85% of officers where I am smoke) that I will be labelled some sort of smokophobic. But I just don't think its reasonable to have the expectation to just stand outside for what tallies up to 3 or 4 hours of a 12 hour work day while someone else covers your arse or at the least has the stress of trying to get their own job done while carrying them. What do you think? I know there is no answer to this because smoking is a huge force to be reckoned with within the workplace but it still sucks (oh no thats the smokers lol)
Vent over with!

Im sitting here on hold to Centrelink. Did you know that its free to register for online access. YESSSSS cos the freaken machine has told me 5 x in the last 5 minutes but I have to stay on hold to do that dont I GRRRRRR Anyway I just wanted to tell you that a Chrunchie, a ice coffee, a froggo and a mango a day is enough calories for you to gain weight steadily I know cos its happening to me. My work pants are getting tight. Starting to freak out. Dont anyone suggest I give up my chrunchie ice coffee or froggo (ok I will give up the mango cos it gets stuck anyway) becuase that would be like........................um the normal thing to do. Ok going to find me a diet Froggo! xx

Its been such a long time between posts I doubt if anyone is following this anymore. Time goes on and I am sooo over dieting, exercising. gains, losses, restrictions getting food stuck then wishing food would get stuck. The band is as tight as it should be but I can still get around it by eating anything fried or coated in chocolate or I drink the calories or I eat and drink the calories and the end result is I am slowly but very surely gaining. Im wondering what the point is to it all at the moment. Obviously the point is to lose wieght but its just depressing! I havent been near the scales in weeks and dont plan on it cos I dont want to know the significant end result but I can tell by my clothes its sliding up. I was hoping somewhere hot to live would help but I just drink the calories. I thought walking the dogs would help but its too hot lol. Shit shit shit. Actually Im not feeling nearly as bad as it sounds I just am so over the whole THINKING wieght all the time. If I spent as much time thinking about anything else I would be committed to a funny farm I am sure.
We have been fishing almost everyday and have caught some beaut fish almost each time but the only way to eat them for me is to dish them in Tempura batter and fry in olive oil (thats gotta be healthy) and they just slip on through. I tried baking them the other day and they got stuck. I can even eat chips with them! Oh yay.
I hope you are all well and acheiving your own goals (show offs) xxx for now