Hi all. Its raining here today I guess with it being the wet season and all. I have had a really confronting week. We came to Karratha with my daughter and her husband who got work the day after we arrived and are doing really well. Emma is 21 and very overwieght now. I have watched her slowly lose her confidence with every kilo gained and it just really upsets me. She had her work party this weekend and I was out shopping when I ran into her. She was shopping for a dress. I could see at first glimse that she was struggling with it and when I rubbed her arm and said 'want me to hang out with her and help you' she just burst into tears. I had forgotton those days of misery but in that instant I was right back there. I was again 20 years old standing in a flash dress shop when the woman behind the counter looked up and screeched across the entire shop 'we dont have your SIZE in here' and the shame that engulfed me. I once again felt the horrible shame of standing at racks not being able to find a size 22 and sweating trying to heave my frame into something that didnt stand a show of getting on. Now, I am standing before one of four of my most treasured possessions feeling the pain so well. I cant discuss this with her because the times I have tried she is very defensive and full of pain but this particular day I as gently as I possibly could said to her 'hon let me help you and walk with you a while through this'. So fast forward three days later and we are doing the whole healthy eating and walking thing. I have also said to her if in a year she is in the same place then I will pay for her to have WLS because I truly dont believe she can lose it AND keep it off so if WLS is her saviour I fully support her. Presently she is not in the place where she will consider it which at 21 I think is just fine but I dont want her to wade through 20 years of shameful, painful heartbreak and then have it done. Will keep you posted.

We have arrived

I haven't disappeared I just let time run off with me. Since my last blog we have moved to Karratha. We set out last Friday night at 10pm with our two dogs Murphy and lilli. We left Rockingham after a stop at McDonald's for an ice coffee. We arrived at Geralton about 4.45am. Id had enough by then and I hadnt even got behind the wheel. It was nice and cool at least. We gave the dogs a wee stop and fuelled up then hit the road again. We had numerous stops to give the dogs a break and then reached Carnavon about 12.00. Man it was getting hot. We decided to move all of the stuff on the back seat to the Ute tray and put the dogs on the back seat so they had the air con too. It was enough to do our head in because they wanted to play. We kept plugging on and after more road side stops we hit Karratha at about 6pm. I have never been so glad to see a town come into sight as I was that night. We were met at our accommodation by someone from work who kindly turned on the air con for us. What a relief that was as the heat was something we hadn't experienced before. That was last sat night. Monday our furniture arrived and we got the keys to our house which is huge and cool with air con in every room. A big day unpacking and sorting. Wed our second car arrived. We flushed the loo for the first time and the whole system backed up. turns out a massive plumbing job was needed and the plumbers spent the whole day digging up our yard. Red dirt EVERYWHERE! So that's it. We are here and I am constantly sweeping up red dust as the house isn't being landscaped for a few weeks. The dogs don't know what the hell has hit them and spend all day lying in their paddle pool. Andy is back at work and I am back on Tues. bummer its all over ( Weight wise. Well I have managed to whack on about 4kgs. I honestly don't know how but I guess the drinks are the problem. Not alcohol (mostly not) just juices and anything else cold I have. I'm over it right now and will deal with it after Christmas. I'm quite restricted but obviously not enough. Well I'm off for a walk with the dogs now but keep checking in cos I will blog again..........promise xxxx

What a month its been since my last post. I managed (drum roll please) to gain 6 yes SIX kilos in six weeks!!!!! What a farking success story I am! So I decided to go see Dr Fill who was shocked and thought 'Ill teach the guts a lesson" and gave me a fill from hell. My first day back on duty and I had to sign off a lunchtime so I could get to Dr Fills office for a unfill so I could swallow. I seem to be at a comfortable place now.
We are moving to Karratha on the 05/12/09 which is super exciting (and Dr Fill) works up there once a month. The movers came in today and measured up for the move. We went and bought a 4x4 Holden Rodeo twin cab (yawn its a boring old white car to me) but it will be fun to go bush bashing lol.
We have been offered a 4x2 house in Karratha that is brand new so am most excited about that. Our daughter and husband are moving with us so that will be lovely to..........................I think! Long time since we lived together eeeeek. Will post again soon. xxxxxx

Well for all my poxing on about not getting a fill I lasted a week. When I went and had a Grand Angus burger from Mcdonalds (it was really good) I decided that after 2 years of the band I have learnt nothing and needed to get a fill put in. I went on Thurs to see Dr Fill and he gave me one till the needle couldnt get another drop in (8.9mls) and now I am so tight I cant have a drink AHHHHHHHHHH. For all those that read this you will be thinking Im nuts but you know after 2 years of this journey the thought of being able to just eat and not be in control or feel full is scarey. Its so easy to be a diet expert if you havent battled like truly obese people do and to be honest I am still one of those experts even when I cant get my own crap together. If someone says to me anything about dieting I give them a whole run down on what they should or shouldnt be doing only I cant get it together myself or take my own advice. I managed to put 4 kilos on in just over a week without the fill and for 7 of the 9 days I was really really good food wise. So I dont know whats up with that. Anyway I will soldier on and in a couple of days will be able to eat small and drink again. I am off to Qld in Nov to be a matron of honour for my friend. Very exciting to be going over there. So must get off to look for a dress. Blog you soon xxxx

Hi ya, Well its been quite a week. I had the novasure procedure on Wed morning. I was booked in as a private patient amongst a whole stack of other ladies. It was a real cattle station. Just all lying around waiting to have our uterus' zapped. Anyway I was third on the list and before too long was wheeled off to the operating theatre. I love that feeling of being put to sleep. Just drifting off but let me tell you that's about where the fun stopped cos when I came too I had very little balance and was vomiting like there was no tomorrow. Not to worry though I was bundled up into the car and sent home (cos that's what ya do when you are a busy hospital) Man I have been sick. The procedure took 90 seconds (that's the true amount of time to do the zap) but its Sunday and I am still trying to stem the nausea and imbalance thing. Apparently I have had some sort of allergic reaction to the morphine so its a case of just riding it out. And what a ride it is. Pity it feels like a roller coaster. I had all my fill taken out on Monday, She took out 10mls. That left me 1 ml to get food down. No wonder I was unable to eat much. However, now woo hoo. I have eaten oranges and mandarins and rockmelon like there is no tomorrow. I had Brussels sprouts and prawns and fries for tea. Andy bought me this machine called a Teflon actifry and it makes the best chips and wedges I have ever had in only a tablespoon of oil. They are delicious and just like deep fried (REALLY)!!
I am suppose to have my fill put back on Thurs but am seriously thinking of just leaving it out for a while. I know I will put a bit of weight on but the pay off would be to have some good nutrition and give my body a break. After two years of throwing up I feel like giving myself a break and the other thing is that I have forgotten what an amazing thing our bodies are. I have just had my womb zapped to stop it ever producing another bub and I have cursed those periods big time but this last week has got me feeling quite nostalgic about what a wonderful service my body has given to me and how even after I have starved it for two years it is still working for me and functioning for me and being faithful to me. I am feeling like the least I could do is feed it up on some fresh fruit and veges. Well that's how I feel tonight. Who knows by Thurs what Ill be thinking lol

I made it! Got through 7 nights and didnt have a melt down although i am certainly still trying to catch up on some sleep now. Some of them were dreadful and some of them were just down right fun (well as much fun as working can be). We have one tosser of a Senior Officer who took it upon himself to pick on me and that made a really hard few days. Then one of the nights I had to watch cameras all night to the point I felt like I was going to go cross eyed. Anyway who cares its all done and now we are on 6 weeks holidays. We arent going anywhere but (dont hold me to this) we are going to spend the whole time doing the gym and running and walking and cycling thing eeeeek. I am getting a new bike for my birthday so am looking forward to treadling around the place.

My weight is about the 82kg mark still. I dont really look too much now. I just am happy that I feel ok with how I feel.

20/09/09
Update. I am off to have my entire fill removed so I can have a Novasure procedure on Wednesday. This makes me really nervous. A, because I wont have any restriction and that means the sky is the limit for me food wise and b, because I always think I am gonna die when I have an operation so am freaking out about that.
ITs just a fairly minor thing but it does still freak me out. Hopefully its going to mean no more periods so it will be worth it (except if I die lol)
Will blog again after thursday to update you xxx

I am about to start 7 nights straight so thought I better update this real quick cos after about two I am gonna feel like I have lost my mind let alone 7. Don't know what the hell I was thinking by shift swapping into all those nights. Oh well when its over I get 6 weeks holidays woo hoo. Band is pissing me off right now. Its tight but not quite tight enough but after the last fill and having to get some out not really wanting to get anymore in. Not sure what to do. I have gone up 2 kgs which is a good indicator of needing more in but maybe just a half. Spose to be having my girlie op on the 23rd so will need all the fill out for that however things have really settled down after all these months of being outta whack. Always the way isn't it. Alicia our new grand baby is lovely. Still cant believe my son is a dad at 18 and still feel gutted for him in lots of ways but he is happy and doing great so who am i to feel bad for him. Our other granddaughter Kimberley keeps asking if we still love her. Ohhhhh kids. She just about took the top of her finger off in a door yesterday so has it all stitched back up and bandaged. Some heavy duty spoiling by Nanna is coming her way lol. Not much else to catch you up on. Will blog again when I am on holidays. Oh oh really exciting my in laws are buying me a push bike for my birthday. I am really excited about that. I have an old one but am looking forward to a better one and may try cycling to work from time to time. I am trying to get fitter but I hate it so its hard to get excited by it. Blog ya xxx

Woo hoo only 17 more days and I am on holidays. Oh hip hip hooray. We cant wait. I think its been about 2.5years since I have had a holiday and even though we aren't going anywhere I am sooooo looking forward to swimming and walking the dogs and lying in. Yippee. Going to have an obliteration instead of a hysterectomy so only 3 days for that recovery.
Weight is swaying around the 82kg mark. I think I am just about done. Not really going to lose anymore I don't think actually I am kind of happy with where I am at. I keep thinking when will enough be enough? I work with a bander and she is completely fucked in the head about her weight to the point we (that's her and I) think she is anorexic, Her wee statements like eating is overrated is a bit of a give away to her state of mind. Anyway its making me think I could easily get to the same state as her and I need to evaluate where I am going with my own goals and if I will really ever reach them. So, I have pretty much decided that if I can maintain where I am at then I have arrived! Its been two years next week since I started my band life. I cant believe its been that long. Its been quite a ride. Certainly a lot of downs but more ups I think. I will always be grateful for it that's for sure. When I go on my holidays I am starting to get my exercising back on track (well I say that now). Its so hard to get motivated. But that is the plan............................................... for today!
Will blog you soon xxxx

A huge week has just passed.
Firstly our second Granddaughter Alicia was born on the 14/08. Gorgeous but a rough start so its great she is fairing better.
I had a fill last week which became so tight that I couldn't swallow. I put up with it for 5 days but had it released yesterday and now am enjoying fluids again. 81.5kg on the scales which is a thrill albeit from starvation lol .
Work has been full on. We have put our names down on a transfer list hoping to get an offer of either Broome or Roebourne. Its a great package and an adventure. Hope it can work out. Good chance as they need officers up there.
lastly to top of my week the Dr told me I am in menopause. What a rip off that is! 42years old. Pffffft. and he added that I will have to look out for Osteoporosis (don't even know how to spell it lol. What the hell am I looking for?
Well thats it from me. Hope you are well. xxxx me
PS Check out the two new photos right at the bottom of the page xx

Morning all. Well either the Tamiflu was amazing or I didnt have swine flu unless you can get super mild cases. I have felt all week just generally unwell but the only thing that has been a complete pain in the arse well its my ears actually. They are so sore and blocked but nothing else so I dont think it was the flu/ Anyways I guess it pays to be cautious. (and spend lots of long days tucked up in bed with books and coffees and bickies and ice cream.................oops did I say ice cream lol) My band is now really quite relaxed. Going from very little food to a small meal is quite scary for me but I enjoying not looking at the bottom of the toilet bowl. Still quite restricted till about 4pm then I can eat up.
Im back at work on monday so I am going to try and get my ears sorted and unblocked by then with any luck.
My sons baby was due yesterday but she is running late.
My lab pups are chewing everything and anything. Murphy even waits for the door to open and makes a mad dash in, grabs what ever he can reach (usually the broom) and runs for his life back outside. I tell you it really is his cuteness that saves his life lol. We are off to the beach soon as they have both discovered water and just love it.
Andy is sitting his citizenship test on monday and isnt too hopeful on being able to pass it. You get a book on aussie facts and then you have to answer a few random questions out of it.
Well no more news from me . Blog you soon xx oink

Hey...........................I have swine flu! 7 days quarantine for me. So I have my supply of Tami flu and bed and tv. Sounds like bliss doesnt it lol. As long as it doesnt develop anymore then Ill be right. There are 4 confirmed cases at work so I guess it had to be a pretty big risk to us working there. Still have an appetite though and just mild flu syptoms. Will let you know how I go. Back to bed for me.
PS must get a wee bell to ring for my man nurse lol lol lol

Hi all. Well I can now eat full on again. Suddenly I can eat anything and a lot more than I have been able to up until now. Not sure what thats about but I am enjoying having meals again lol. I am down to about 83 - 84kg. In 7 weeks I am having a hysterectomy (mmm somthing to look forward to on my holidays) so I will have most of the fill taken out for that. A bit scary for sure. I am expecting to be a Nana to my sons bub any day now. Cant believe it but am trying to cos its going to happen lol.
I just made some breakfast muffins ( bacon and cheese) and have only just noticed that I misread the recipe and put in 2 cups too little of the flour. No wonder they look more like pancakes than muffins. Oh well. lol. Hubby and boy still eat them. Mind you they eat pretty much anything. No other news from me. Our pups are doing great. They love the beach and park so thats a good bit of exercise for me too. Blog ya soon xxxx

Hello all. I was talking to my brother the other day and he said he liked this blog cos it was light. Ha, its funny how at times i feel like a total whinger and he sees it as light. My sister also likes catching up with it but I never really know what to put so i hope you aren't all bored senseless. Its been a big weekend and week to come. I gave my son and his girlfriend a baby shower today. She is due it two weeks (this is the one who told me Christmas eve I was gonna be a Nana) and now the time is almost here. Amazing how quick it goes. She looks quite uncomfortable but it got me thinking how when I was pregnant I looked like a beached whale unlike this tiny wee girl who still fits her pre preggy jeans! 21 years ago today I was over due to give birth to my girl. I gained only 6kg throughout the pregnancy but as I was already over 100kg it didn't really matter. The pregnancy before hers I gained just under 70kgs yep that's right 70 kilos in one pregnancy, I managed to gain 5 kg in 3 days at one stage. Fuck i was stupid. I really thought the weight just somehow fell off when you had the baby and it does except for the fact that 24 years later I am finally lighter than the day I gave birth to him! Glad those days are over. So, this Thursday is my girls 21st. We are going out to tea which is something that I dread given that I cant even manage an entree size most days. Oh well will wrap whatever it is up and pop it in my bag for the dogs I guess. My mother in law is a bit shocked at how anti social the band is. I don't give a toss really. Its a small price to pay to stay on top of it. I think its a bit unnerving for her when I get up and down to the loo all the time. I must say that I have craved stuffing my face and not chucking. I still don't get anorexia. Im sure I must just about be one and I cant shift those scales. Im a plateaued anorexic lol. In saying that today is the first day since my last fill that I have really eaten heaps. I mean really heaps. 2 pikelets with jam and cream and two pieces of cream cake and a sausage roll and some other stuff too. Its that time of the month and for some reason
I get a day when it on and I can really eat without chucking. Will be gone tomorrow so just have to enjoy the break out while I can.
Friday my in laws go home. I will miss them. I really love having family over. I wish they were closer or we were. It makes me homesick but at least this time I don't go to the airport as I am working so I wont be a blubbering mess. Saturday is Emma's 21st birthday party in a 70's theme. That should be fun. Well no more news from me. Blog you soon. xx The overweight anorexic

Hey Ho, How are you all? Isn't it terrible how we take things for granted. You know just little everyday things but when they go wrong Oh My what a drama it is. Things like pooing for instance. I never think about it.................. Feel the urge and off I go except I cant go and now I have a whole lot of stuff natural and otherwise to get me back on track which is all very well until you get hit with the uh oh moment while you are out. Ok so you get the message on that one. My in laws are here from NZ at the moment. We have been doing the tourist things which brings me to my next bitch. I took them on a huge drive 5 hours to the southern most point of WA where there is a lighthouse. Its not all that interesting but the Southern and the Indian ocean meet so Im thinking that might be a cool place to take the sight see'ers. We get there (I'm shattered from the marathon driving effort) only to find a notice saying it is $5 per adult to stand on the grounds and $3 per child. What the! That is bullshit, I understand a gold coin donation but $23 to stand on some grass. I don't think so. So, we went and had Chinese instead. My mother in law thinks the band is terribly anti social as I had to keep going to the loo. It really does get me down a bit too but that's just the price of it I guess.
Now for bitch number 3. My 18 yr old son (the one that is going to be a dad in 4 weeks) has been laid off from his job. So the local paper ran an article about him standing on the side of the highway with a sign that says 'hire me'. The article clearly says ' my only negative is I do not have my drivers licence'. He gets 4 offers of jobs all saying you need you drivers licence. Grrrrrrr. Anyway that's my bitch for today. Now I am off to take him around the local CBD to see if he can get some work. If you are reading this and know some labouring type work going in Perth South then please leave me a message.
PS I can eat pork crackle without it getting stuck .mmmmmmmmm..

Morning all. Cant believe nearly a month has gone past and I havent blogged. Its been a shit month for me personally but thats a whole different Oprah show!
Band is still really restricted although I have decided that the studies are right and alcohol must be INCREDIBLY fattening cos I hardly manage food but have been drinking quite a bit and so the scales just stopped moving down and even swing a bit up grrrrr. So, I have pushed the Kahlua to the back of the cupboard and havent bought anymore red but have bought diet coke to have with the vodka.
I have had two weeks off work and was going to walk everyday but those two weeks are almost up and alas the only place I have walked it to the driveway to get into the car.
Oh oh most exciting news is my friend who is having a new WLS. She is part of a trial and its costing her nothing (but the hard work that goes with WLS). I dont know what the procedure is exactly but Im so thrilled for her and excited about our future shopping trips woo hoo. Ha I havent actually seen her in over 11 years so itll be a good one lol.
I have added a couple of shots of our news pups. Cant replace Bella but Murphy and Lilly are so much fun. Right well must be off and get back into my shit month. Will blog again soon. Hope you are all doing great.

Hello all. The scales are resting tentatively on 86kg today. Probably will sway up a bit by the end of the day then down again tomorrow but I'm ok with 86kg. The band is still super tight although I have learnt to drink my meals well and I can eat nuts so me and my bag of cashews go many places hand in hand.
My news today is (apart from the 86kg) that I am writing a book. Probably called something along the lines of Dianne's bariatric journey or something lol, In fact if you can think of a good name Id love to hear it. Its really bloody hard trying to put it all together but I am ready to give it a go I think. Funny how confronting its been already. Its been amazing to look back over my life and then the last two years. Its sure been a road with a lot of twists, turns hills, and slips. I will let you know how I get on and if you have any ideas I would love to hear them.
We are currently getting 4 eggs from our chickens which is fantastic for the cake tin but not so good for my son and husbands waistlines lol. Poor Andy is working out so hard then I go make a batcch of afghans with 200gms of butter in them.
Well no more news for now but will blog you again soon xx

A long blog

Morning all. I'm shattered after working 6 days in a row ( I know I know it doesn't sound like much but they are 14 hour work days) . Just gotta work tonight then I have 8 off woo hoo.

The band is still super tight and I gotta take laxatives to help in the pooping area which is a pain in the arse (literally) but its probably to do with having liquid meals and not enough roughage.

Scales are still on 87 and then 88 then 87.................................................. I don't get how losing works (not surprising is it). I mean if you have a 1200kj daily diet you are suppose to lose. If you have a high fat high protein low Carb diet you will lose (and that can be as high in calories as you like). If you have a low fat diet you lose if I eat 400kj a day the scales STAND STILL!!!!!!!!!! I know all about starvation mode etc but I still don't get it.

I'm having a hysterectomy in Sept so that's gotta be worth a couple of kilo's lol. I traded my fantastic NZ holiday to have a hysterectomy. What am I thinking lol?

You know when people ask me about having the band I really hesitate recommending it especially if I don't know them well because its such a personal thing and I know of some people who hate it or cheat it and they feel like the band has failed them so I really think fat struggling people have to look at all the facts and come to their own conclusions as to weather this is for them or not. In saying all that a very good friend of mine that I have know for over 20 years has told me she has an appointment to look at getting the band. I am so rapt for you Kay. In the case of someone that I know and love and have seen a mirror struggle with my own I think she is making the best decision of her life that will probably give her a longer life and a more content one. This is by no means a easy option and I still have dark days where I feel ripped off that I cant eat like the majority of others but it has saved my life or at least given me an extra 15 years or so but more importantly just like giving up smoking it may not have killed me from cancer or diabetes or whatever but the quality difference is something to really shout about . I still look at those plastic chairs and remember the day I got wedged in one. I still remember having to get an extender belt from the air hostess but deciding I was so wedged into the seat I would be found with the seat attached to my arse if the plane crashed. I remember how ashamed I felt when my niece made an innocent child like comment about how huge my legs were and they were bigger than her dad's. I remember how my own dad said he thought that I was enormous but the pig he had just slaughtered was even fatter than me. (I don't think most people intentionally try to be hurtful but the wounds still get poked at). I was talking this over with another bandit friend and she was telling me about some of her horrendous moments when young people were walking behind her shouting out ' boom boom boom' as if the ground was moving as she walked. When she was telling me I saw a cloud of pain come over her face as if it was almost too painful to say. Anyway, even though all of these things are part of my story its such a personal decision except to my friend Kay I want to say 'its time for you hon'. You will be fine. You will do great but regardless of your decision Im glad you are my friend. Also to Cara who gets banded on Friday. Dont stress. You will look back with wonderment about this time.

During the writing of the above I got a stabbing pain in my back which came around to the middle of my chest. It was so painful that I really did think of those heart attack adverts and wondered if I was having one! So I traipsed up to the hospital and spent from 9.30am - 11.00pm being monitored. As it turned out to be nothing to do with my heart I feel a bit better but one of the Drs was wondering if its the band. Not sure but its gone now so maybe it was just some sort of spastic muscle thing. I gotta tell you that Rockingham hospital were outstanding and I chuckled to myself when at 5.00pm they bought me in the CARDIAC unit my dinner which was the most delicious slab (size of dinner plate) of pizza with heaps of gooey cheese all over it, a slice of white bread with real butter and a tub of ice cream lol. Anyway will blog you again soon xx

87.5kg

Woo hoo

Quick update on weight loss (considering That's what this blog is suppose to be about). I am now 2.5kg away from my very first goal of 85kgs. I remember right back at the beginning thinking that if I could just get to 85kgs I would be thrilled and now I am so close I can just about touch it. Funny thing is that until a month ago I knew I had lost weight but never really felt slim but with the last few weeks of good loss I really do feel like I have achieved something. Its been a bit cheaty as the band is so tight that I am mainly doing meal replacement drinks but regardless I don't really care right now how but I get there as long as I arrive. I have sat on 92 -95 kg for a year so to finally see 87.5 kg on the scales is fantastic, Will post a recent photo to go with the blog. Post ya soon xx

Just a very quick blog to say that the Unprofessional went through the lease property and failed the cleanliness test because THERE WAS DUST ON THE VANITY BASIN (((((((((((AND)))))))))) DUST ON THE FLYSCREEN DOOR!!!! So call the freaken sheriff. So we are in battle now as I try and argue with these twats about the fact there is no grease or spiderwebs anywhere as there was when we moved in. At least they never moaned about the paint lol.

A week of whinging

What a week its been and there is still 3 days to go!! We were renting a house until we bought in Feb and then our son and his partner took over the rent paying until this week when the lease expired and Ethan found a nice little place. So, the cleaning began but luckily the owner gave us a pot of left over paint from when he painted the house out so for the last year I have felt quietly content that I would be able to spot paint and touch up any little knocks. Yesterday I went wild and flicked paint all over the shop. It wasnt until the last brush stroke in the fifth room that I stood back and wondered why the paint looked so different whilst quietly praying that it would be dry and not be soooo noticeable. Ba Baowwwww - wrong! The house looked like a bloody dalmation. I kid you not! I just about pee'ed my pants. So I waited some more hours then decided that I was in deep shit with the house the way it was. The owner sold the house a month after he gave us the paint so I couldnt even prove to the agent that I wasnt some nutter who tried some abstract art on the walls.
All was saved when someone told me to chip off some of the old (correct) paint and take it to Bunnings and they would match it which they did. I love Bunnings forever now. Saved my bacon they did well the bond at least.
Next is the band which is so tight that I cant drink till about 11am and I would kill the pig/cow /sheep/lamb/snapper if I thought I could bite the dam thing, chew and swallow it and be guranteed it wouldnt come back. Will have to have some fill taken out asap. Have lost 5kg in a week but even I know this is not good lol.
Lastly Don and Bastard oops Bradstreet rang they are debt collectors. AAPT who we were connected with A YEAR AND AND HALF ago didnt recieve their last payment from us A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. This is because no one knew why but a bar went on the phone magically and we couldnt use it for a month so I refused to pay the bill. No phone No money! It wasnt that I was late with any other payments just this bar was put on for no reason and I refused to pay and changed carriers. Now Ms Habib Patupp want my money now please Miss Dianne. P#$% O@& was about as much as I could get out. So end result is I told them to take me to court cos its gonna take a judge to make me pay! And that was the week that was xx

I went and had my barium swallow yesterday. It is like drinking liquid concrete and as I swallowed the doctor followed it down with his machine. Checked that everything was where it should be at and apparently it is. No leakage or anything. It doesn't show the lump under the scar tissue so I still have to have a scan of that. You know its bloody tiring being a hypochondriac and really expensive too! Not sure what my wieght is doing but I do know I am still not out of the 90's due to chocolate (easter is lasting a long time) and red wine and chippies! Grrrrr old habits are hard to break. Not much else to say. Blog ya soon xxxx

Poor Bella died early this morning. I know she was just a dog but shit the pain is just miserable. Caleb is beside himself. We bought her home and had a funeral for her which I think is a good thing for a 12 year old. We all now have to have tetanus shops due to it being a transferable disease and Mags our other dog gets one tomorrow too. RIP Bella xxxxxxx

Went and visited Bella with Caleb today, She recognised Caleb and was beside herself to try and get to him but she couldn't move a muscle. Gosh it is so awful.Its just like rigamorteous (sp). Stiff like a dead thing but can still hear everything. I can hardly breathe when I see her. The vet must think I am a mad woman. I ring 10 x a day and pop in to see her at least once. Just wanna cry all the time when I am there. Took her teddy in today and she licked it.
I went to see the surgeon today. I told him that my band isn't comfortable and he is a bit concerned. Oh goody another freaking thing to worry about. He could feel the lump under one of the scars and is concerned by that as well. Am going for a liquid concrete swallow and x ray next week. Will be glad to get that done. No more fills but he was OK to leave what was in there in.
PS To my sister who reads this. Don't be mean to me about Bella, OK! I know we aren't very soft like that but this is shit I tell you ! lol xxx

Poor Bell

No change! Just as bad as yesterday. Thinks she may pull through but that sounds as bad as yesterday when they said she had a 50/50 chance. Vet man thinks she may have been poisoned or could even be a tumor. Oh how I hate the wait!

Its 7am 16/04 and I have been up since 4 am pacing the floor watching the clock for it to hurry up and get to 8am. I don't know if I told you but we got my son a gorgeous golden lab puppy 'Bella'. We have had her for about 6 weeks and she is just the loveliest dog. She had these amazing hazel eyes that just make you want to melt She had her second lot of shots last week and we have all been hanging out to take her walking but have another month to wait. Anyway, I got home from work on Tues and Caleb said Bells eyes seemed funny. I looked at them and thought they did too and Andy thought she had poked them or had sand in them. So I rinsed them with some saline. Yesterday morning when I got up I called her and I could hear her thumping around in Maggie's (other dogs) kennel. I went over to get her and she was stiff like a board. She couldn't bend her legs or stand properly and her eyes were bright red with no pupils showing at all. Gosh it was so awful. Andy dropped me off at work (no vets open till 8am) then raced her to the vets. It turns out she has canine tetanus. She has a 50/50 chance of survival. Our whole house is a mess. I cant sleep imagining her alone at the vets and Caleb keeps bursting into tears. Its just the pits. So, here I am waiting waiting waiting for the cash cow (oops vet) to open. I have a surgeons appt at 3.00 to check out the band and fill etc but will decide if I go once I here how Bella is. Will keep you posted xx

Happy Easter

Hello all. Haven't solved the problem from the last post but I have spoken to some seniors so we have a bit of a plan in action which basically consists of recording whats going on then the seniors will back me up if I take it further. Will just play it by air and see what comes of it. Back to see Dr Keirith next week. I seemt to once again be able to eat a lot more than I could a week ago. The fills seem to last a while then it loosens up. I also eat a bit of junk food so that doesn't help the scales one bit. But it issss easterrrrrr after all. Quiet one for us this year and cheap. Three of my kids are away camping and the other one was coming over with his wife for lunch but rang and cancelled just as I had finished cooking it which is not unusual for him and her for that matter. Anyway I now have the shits on with them so am going to eat their easter eggs (thatll show em lol) I have just had three days off work. Andy worked till 10pm last night. When he got home I had put heaps of candles around for a romantic ambiance and made platters of finger foods which were spread out on dishes on the floor. Honestly he walked in and the candles made the room so hot that we sat there on the floor with sweat pouring off us. In the end I had to open all the doors and let the breeze in. We watched some movie which was suppose to be funny but as the dvd player was playing up it kept jumping all over the show so we missed most of it.
This morning went to the waterfront and had a buffet breakfast but hears the thing. $25 for as much as you can eat and all I could eat was about half a cup full. Andy was on strict instructions to chow down massively lol. Poor man had to be just about rolled out the door hehe.
Well thats it from me. Happy easter xx

Warning - Contains course language

Hello all. I was lying in bed (11 am on my day off) pondering some 'stuff' and thought ' bugger it, may as well blog'. Always good to write down stuff that's going on in my head I reckon so that's whats bought me to this chair. Firstly band is going good. Not as tight after the last fill now. It must settle and swell a little when its first filled then that must go down cos I can eat lots more than I could last week. I secretly wonder if its leaking but no one seems to think so so maybe it's just the way it is. I go back end of next week so Ill talk to him then. Not sure what the scales are doing but its Easter and well I'm eating chocolate which I like a great deal of lol. I am again not exercising and that just pisses me off but I'm just too tired after my 12 hour days at work. We are looking at taking a big trip overseas next year so both Andy and I are upping our overtime to fund it which definitely rules out exercise (I know its a piss poor excuse but it works for me OK lol) Andy has finished training and is now at the job. Very exciting for us although I have hit a bit of a problem which potentially is going to be a complete bastard of a thing if I can't sort it but.....................................................not sure how to sort it.
The industry that I work in is very male orientated and that's just one of those things that I accept. Years ago I would have really baulked the system and tried to fight for equality and all that but now I understand its just how it is and no matter what no body is going to change it so when i arrived at the job I decided the best way to get acceptance was to act like one of the lads which I can do easily. I don't try and pull the female card at all because its been so hard to be accepted as an equal ( and I'm still working on it) In fact I seem to have done it so well that when we all went out a couple of weeks ago every ones mouths dropped open when I walked in, in a dress and make up. Some didn't recognise me at all.
Anyway FAT MR BEAN as he will now be referred thinks hes all that but is sadly all of nothing yickkkky. Most of the time us girls just roll our eyes and keep working but yesterday I was sitting in the tea room alone with him and he got up to thank me for something. As he walked towards me I thought shit he is going to hug me or kiss me or something and then thought nah he wouldn't then thought shit he is..................... all as he got closer (we are only talking 4 or 5 steps so I didn't have time to make a dash). Anyway before i could move he was coming down on me for a hug and I was so gob smacked that my mouth was partly open again his neck and my arms pinned to my sides. I couldn't friggen move with shock. I can't say fear but it was definitely shock. All I could think in what seemed like hours was 'don't move, don't breathe and don't move your fucking tongue a fraction or he's gonna think you are trying to get it on lol". Anyway it was only a hug of a couple of seconds but I spent a long time scrubbing my mouth and cleaning my teeth.
So, that's what I was lying in bed thinking about this morning. What am I going to do about ugly Mr Bean. I know if I was to try and tackle this I would be ostracised and in essence would absolutely have to leave they would make sure of it. Am I willing to risk it for an offensive little fuck! And at the end of the day whats he really done? Yes he's crossed boundaries but what would i say. "Fat Bean hugged me and I didn't like it". Any ideas?

To those who check in to see whats happening my apologies In the last two months we have had Emma wedding, another son on the edge of getting divorced, Andy (hubby) at the academy training to be a prison officer. Anyway its all been full on.
I visited another surgeon this week as my original weight loss surgeon said he didn't need to see me anymore and I felt like I was just floating out in a big ocean. So, off I went to see Dr kierith in Perth. He was fantastic. Dr Hamdorf had kept a running telly of my fills and I know without a doubt that I had 9.5mls in the band (the band is 11mls) but when Dr Kierith took all the fill out he only got 6mls????? I don't know whats going on there. I then had a wack of a fill put in (buggered if I know how much was put in) and all the way home I had to be sick cos I couldnt even keep my swallow down. So home I got then back to Perth for a bit to be taken out. Its all a bit of hit and miss but right now even though the band is tight I can still eat and drink be in very little amounts! Most exciting of it all though was Dr Kierith said he will give me a tummy tuck about June when I get to my personal goal. Very excited about that. A friend of mine at work has just had one and I am keen to see how Dr Kierith did with hers. I will pre warn you that when the time comes I am going to put up some before and after photos so hopefully you will get a wee warning before so you can decide if you want to see. Im not sure why you would but some people following this journey are doing the band themselves so they are keen on all the gory details! Work is great. Would love to be able to put up some stories but that's got to be a no go zone. Andy is in the can from the first of April which I am really looking forward to. Hope you are well. Happy 50th Birthday to my big sister in NZ. Wish I was there. xx

So much news so little time. I rang another weight loss surgeon who also does tummy tucks and he is happy to see me with a veiw to do the plastic surgery so I have an appointment in March (obviously the waiting time is getting huge with these surgeons now). I am really looking forward to it and the fact his tucks are only $3500 so thats going to be a huge saving if it pans out. He has been doing them for 15 years as well as the lap band so he must have some pretty good experience. It will give me more time to get my wieght down a bit too. Dr Allen was interesting with his questions to me when I saw him. He really nailed it when he said its hard to stay motivated to lose wieght when someone gets more and more lose skin as they are hyper critical anyway then they have to deal with the (ugliness) of whats left. I must say thats how I feel.
My daughter is getting married in 2 weeks so I am hard out trying to lose a few kilos (as always try and do a years worth of dieting in 4 weeks lol) My mum and Aunty are coming over from NZ and so is some ex in laws so it will be great to see people I havent seen for years (I still get on the the ex in laws). Sadly my daughter is suffering from obesity too and it really breaks my heart. She has a short stature so cant carry any extra wieght without it looking like a lot more. I know better than anyone there is nothing I can say to her but I just gently try and encourage her. Funny how my boys are all race horses and my girl is the one with a wieght problem (aint it always the way). I will put some new photos up over the next few days. Oh and the last bit of news is that my sone and his girlfriend are having a baby. It sorta went like this on Christmas eve. (Amongst the tears) by the way mum Toni is pregnant
(((((((((MERRY CHRISTMAS))))))))))). i am over the shock now but still very sad for him as he is only 17 but I have learnt that you can educate and advise but at the end of the day they are going to do whatever the hell they want to do regardless! xx

Update Update

Hello. Well it looks like I still get hits so I am gonna try and keep blogging. I went and saw Dr Allen about the tummy tuck. Fuck what a soul destroying kind of adventure that was. Don't get me wrong he was lovely but when you have to undress and he picks up your stomach and starts giggling it around whist grunting mmmm very heavy and saying no wonder you are so critical of your shape miss. I left feeling somewhat down but somewhat excited that I had taken the plunge. I thought still having 20kg to go (according to BMI) he would say wait but he said do it now which was great. Well it would be better if I had 8k on standby. I have tentatively booked it in for April. It is going to be painful but as I have had a Caesar and he said a tuck isn't as bad then I am OK with that lol. He will remove about 5 kg so that's 5 I don't have to work at hehe. One of the ladies is having it done for $3500 by her wieght loss surgeon so I am going to talk to his surgery to see if he will take on another Dr's patient and if he will I will ask him to see me. Be great to save that extra money. I havent done too much exercise due to the heat (yeah well that excuse works for me ok) but will get back into it soon. Blog soon xx

Hi all (if anyone is still reading this) I cant believe it was the beginning of December since the last post. Far out. I dont know where the time has gone. Andy (husband) is now at the academy training to be a prison officer. He will be posted at the same prison as me which will be great. I havent loss anymore wieght but didnt gain anything over Christmas. I did however gain 3kg after Christmas so go figure that. Dam it. Gosh its still an ongoing battle. I have an appointment to see a plastic surgeon tomorrow for a tummy tuck. I will post the outcome of what he says. Such a lot of money but I feel like it will be worth it to finish the journey as it were. Will post again after the appointment. Happy New Year to you all