Nearly Christmas again

Hi all. This will be a short post as I don't have much time. I was just thinking 'stuff' and thought I must blog.
I am trying to write a book. Not sure how it will go cos its one of those things that probably will never get finished but I just had to share the first page which goes something like this.

Its six pm on a Wed night and I am sitting in Prison Unit G. I have just started night shift. I cant believe that only a year ago I was 40kg heavier wondering where the hell my out of control life is going and yet here I am now only one short year later fitter than I have ever been in my life doing whats become my absolute dream job! I am so grateful to God for the miracle of modern medicine and what it has done for me. I am so grateful to my surgeon for his expertise and I am so so so so so proud of myself for getting of my oversized ass and doing something positive to get me out of the cesspool I was spinning around in.


Well anyway it needs lots of work but you know after all this time I can now say it was absolutely worth all the fears and it has given me a hope for the future that I couldn't possibly of had at 135kg. If you are thinking of doing this then think long and hard because its not easy but my goodness it can open up a door that the sun just streams through when your world may be pretty blimmin bleak where you are now.

I ran 5.3km yesterday which has been my goal for weeks and now I have made it. I took 33min and my knees hurt now but when I rounded a corner and saw the finish line ahead of me (I measured it out in the car) I had the goofiest smile on my face that its worth every bit of ache I have now. I also want to congratulate my sister who finished the Kerikeri half marathon a couple of weeks ago. Exercise doesn't come too naturally to my family so that was no easy task for her and she did it. Well done Bon!
Well that's it for me right now. Merry merry Christmas to each and everyone of you. May the joy of the season rest on you all. Be safe and love your loved ones. May 2009 be our year to shine xx

Another huge gap since I last posted

Time is just flying and posts are getting further and further apart. I'm going to try and change that although I don't always have much news.
I went and saw Dr Hamdorf last week. I was hoping to get another fill but he soon put the brakes on that. I am about 92 or 91 or 94 kg depending on what time of the day/week or month I get on them, Dr Hamdorf said that as I can still eat a fair amount of food and although I have restriction he would have thought I would have alot more given that in a 11ml bacd I have 10.5mls in that I can go for a buriameal (cant spell that) and he will consider giving me a stomach sleeve! I however completely reeled at the thought and have decided not to have the buriameal (liquid concrete drink) and just see what the new year brings. Going through another op and one so drastic is just a bit much for this head to get around right now. He also said he wanted me to see a plastic surgeon and see about a tummy tuck as he feels now is the time to consider that to be done. So easy for a Surgeon earning a squllion $ per year to suggest lol. I have made an appointment for Jan to see a plastic surgeon and at $ 7500 outta pocket expenses its isn't too bad well my MasterCard doesn't think so anyway. I'm going to ask about a boob job (never no maybe its discount for bulk). We haven't heard from the show so that might be that but it was fun anyway. They did say that at that stage it was still only an idea so I'm not sure if it is even going ahead. In the mean time I will see the plastic surgeon and get his advice. I have numerous fitness gurus at my work who all say that with exercise there will be no need to get a tummy tuck and I just nod and do a whole lot of ah ahhhhing cos there is no use in getting into a debate with that type of person. I tried to say to one of them 'listen buddy, try inflating a balloon for 40 years then deflate it and see if you can get it back into shape but they cant be told so I just nod and agree while I think about other stuff. One thing I have learnt through this journey is there are a lot of self taught experts on diet and exercise. Mostly they talk crap but I just let it go now cos I have learnt there is not good debating some expert lol.
I am thinking about doing a 7 day bike tour in March 09. Its all around the Margerot river/Bunbury region. You bike 60 - 90 kms a day. Im really keen to do it but as next year is a huge year in different costs (daughters wedding, mum and aunty coming to visit, girlfriend coming from NZ, tummy tuck, husband and son going to NZ then the three of us going to NZ) I might need to see how the over time is going before I book that one. It cost $1000 so will see. I still love my job. I had a prisoner tell me I look like I was in my 50s and he called me old girl. That kinda wrecked my day but Im over it now plus I had a new hair cut lol. Isnt it funny how words can wreck your day!
I am jogging 3 kms a day now - have stuck to it for a wee while now and I walk 2.3km at lunchtime when I am on duty. I feel heaps better for it too. I wish I could develop a love for exercise but I just find it a grind although I feel so great when its over!
I am still covered in this yucky rash thats driving me nuts with the itch but I cant seem to find whats causing it. I take enough hay fever pills to kill bees but still I have it.
No other news from me for now. I will post some new photos soon. I was looking for a fat photo to show someone at work and will scan the one I found it cos it was such a shock to me Ill be interested to see what you think ......................... xxx

Its been a while

Wow I cant believe its been so long since I last posted. It seems like just the other day but its almost been a month. So much has happened so Ill start from the beginning. I am now 92kg and only about 8 kg from goal. That's bound to change once I get there but that's my first goal. I am still a size 14-16 which suits me just fine. I have a lot of restriction so have to eat very slowly but that's a good thing for me otherwise I just guts food down. I am still hoping to get in to see my surgeon so I can discuss having the band removed and a sleeve performed (where they take 90% of the stomach away which includes 90% of the enzyme that causes us to want to eat. I don't think he will go for it cos I am considered a band success story but it would take the hassle of being sick and having to concentrate on eating away and I would really like that.
Next news! I was at work the other day and heard an ad on the tv for a make over show that is being made and they were asking for his and her applicants to apply. When I got home (it was 14hours later) I remembered the ad and went on line. I talked it over with my husband and we decided we would apply for a laugh. The application was quite detailed about the whys of wanting to have changes made to your body so after I had filled that in they then called for photos'. This is where I really need to ad that I WAS REALLY TIRED. I asked Andy to take some shots of me which he did both fully dressed then I stripped off to bra and knickers to show the after effects of losing 40 odd kilos. I did the same for him and then I hit send.About 5am the next morning I woke in a cold sweat when I realised I was dressed in full uniform. ID and everything. What a complete donkey! I cant believe I did that. Given that we should be anonymous or at least very discreet I go and shoot off a photo of me fully uniformed then nearly starkers. Shit! You know when you are really deep in thought about something you usually have a habit that goes with it. My mum whistles, my friend talks it out well I pace and talk to myself! Not the most balanced thing for someone to watch me do but that's what I do. Backwards and forwards jabbering on about the pros and cons of my next move. I very quickly decide I have to go to the highest person at work and humbly tell him what I have done (huge gulp). So I get to work and head to the office of the highest person, only I meet his secretary on the way and he wants to know why I want to speak to the main man and I have to squeak out that I don't want to tell him that its private AHHHHH. I am now feeling about a quarter of an inch high. This then intrigues the secretary and he follows me into the office and I have to spill my guts to both of them. Ripped off!!!!! I felt so stupid. Anyway the whole matter had to be put before security and they said it shouldn't be a problem. We got a call from the producers asking us to make an audition tape and send it to them so we did that but haven't heard anything more since then. The hilarious thing is it isn't quite like I thought and they don't offer any major plastic surgery mostly its diet and exercise advise but it would be great to have two weeks in Sydney anyway, So I will keep you posted on how we go, if anywhere.
My 17 yr old got his L licence the other day so he wants to drive us everywhere. Talk about hold on for dear life. Gosh I hate it but i am trying to swallow hard and be brave. I am obviously one of those pain in the ass parents who continually squawks 'watch out' move over. slow down' so I don't know how long the kid will put up with that. Lessons with a professional are definitely on the cards. Well gonna sign off now and will add more soon. promise!

Hi everyone.
I had a fill last week. The Dr that did it fills in for my surgeon to save his time I guess and she was quite good although I'm not quite sure she knew what the heck she was doing when she tried to give me a fill cos she poked and pushed and I grunted and squealed but we finally got there. I now have 10.5mls in my 11ml band so there ain't a lot of room for food which I find really pleasing after being able to fit a lot of food down up until this last fill. Its been a real battle not to over eat so I feel great that the restriction is back. I have been slack slack slack with the exercise thing mostly cos I am lazy with a capital L and partly cos I am ......................lazy too lol. The scales are showing 95kg now so things are moving in the right direction but here's a funny thing. I went shopping for clothes and I am a size 14 in both top and bottom (numerous items tried on in different shops). I don't get the whole size thing because at 95kg if I am a size 14 if I get to my goal of 75kg (ok it may be a bit unrealistic but that's the aim) then I would be a size 6!!!!! That's ridiculous! I am not ever nor do I aspire to be a size 6 so whats with that. I was never a size 10 when I was 72kg ( a long long time ago) so what has happened to clothing sizes? Ha I would be able to share my 5 year old granddaughters clothes cos shes a size 6. How cool I could wear Dora the explorer outfits lol.
I will blog again soon xxxx Dianne

Happy ONE YEAR BANDERVERSARY

Hi all, Gosh I don't know where the time goes but it sure goes somewhere. Can you believe it has been a whole year since I was banded! ONE YEAR this week! Good grief. What a year its been. I feel all sorts of emotions when I think of the build up to the operation then the last year. I was beside myself with fear this time last year. Fear of the operation and failure and then the enormous hopelessness of my weight problems and what would happen to me if I didn't go ahead with it. So here I am a year later thinking how at times I still feel a bit hopeless because I am still struggling with weight everyday but also because I was hoping to be in the 80ks range and I am still about 96kg. I know I need to go have a yak with my surgeon and discuss what else to do but I feel really embarrassed at not being lighter. On the other side of the journey (the positive side) I am hugely grateful that I have lost over 37kg and have a life. I have a new career that could never have happened without the band and I have given myself years back. For that I am so thankful for.
The fact is that I am always going to have to be focused on what goes into my mouth and I have to exercise (a dirty dirty word right now).
I am going to make an appointment to see Dr Hamdorf in the next couple of weeks and talk 'stuff' over with him. A part of me is hoping for a sleeve to replace the band but I dont know if its easy to convince ones surgeon of it. Andy is looking amazing from all the exercise he is doing. He has lost about 20ks and is very toned and yummo looking. I listen to hime huff and puff for an hour each day and think how little time that one hour is but thats about as far as I get to joining him.
Well no more news from me. I will post again soon. xxx
PS I am loving my job. Just loving it. Its bizarre that I love it so much I guess but I really do .

Training is over! Wow its been a long 3 months but its finally done and dusted although now the real world awaits and that feels a bit scary too. My weight has taken a hammering throughout the last 3 months. I had mum over and lots of fill removed when the chicken got stuck so its all been very up and down. I am two kilos heavier than when I started so considering my options have been a cooked lunch with pudding every day it really isn't too bad. The biggest bummer is that I have stopped exercising and I can tell the inches have crept back on. Once I get to my workplace (from tomorrow) then I will join the group of woman who walk the perimeter each day during lunch and once I get a bit of confidence I will even go to the gym during lunch break (there is a gym on site). Gosh its just such an on going battle but I am still determined (most days) to win it. My passing out ceremony was fun. I have never done anything like it before so we all marched into the gymnasium where our families and dignitaries were and received certificates etc. I found it quite exciting cos I feel like I have actually achieved something. 23 out of the 24 new recruits made it which wasn't too bad given how hard we all found it.No more news from me at the moment. Blog ya soon x Dianne

Good Grief that was a bit scary. I tried to log on and it didn't recognise me? What the! I thought I would never be able to update again.....but alls well now.Hope you are all doing well. Its the end of another week and I only have ONE MORE TO GO before I am off to the real world and I can actually put into practice all that I have been taught or should I say all that I have tried to learn. Its been a long three months that's for sure. Tomorrow I have the day off. That's the first one in three months and coming from my last job and a boss who's middle name was 'sure no problem' I have had problems dealing with this one who's name is ' naff off and don't bother me'. Anyway tomorrow is my first day at trying to solve my sticky eye and girly problems after I go and meet friends for lunch and do some shopping woo hoo. I am not a shopping sorta girl but after the last three months I think I might just be tomorrow. My eating is still scewwiff but the good thing is I haven't put on any weight so that's a bonus. I have another band friend who has just added 8kgs back to her frame and is struggling desperately which is something that I can relate to well. People tend to think this was an easy option but in truth the issues are still all there. Anyway enough of that. We had my girls engagement party last night and that went off with a hiss and a roar. Master 17 bought his new girlfriend along (well at least I think he did but as his face was attached to hers the whole night maybe it wasn't who I thought it was lol) Ah young love! Well nothing else to type about. Hope you are all ok. Will blog again later in the week. xx

It has been ages since I blogged and I'm sorry about that. A combination of things really. Feeling really fat and don't wanna discuss it for one. Am starting to HATE the academy for another. Feel like everything is out of control for another actually the list isn't seeming to end.
I am about 96kg which is a little higher than I was but not as high as I deserve to be BUT it may as well be cos I feel like I am as big as a house and am constantly shocked that I can still do my uniform up. Every day I put it on thinking 'this is it' or ' its never going to do up' but it does. Its such a psycho thing which is doing my head in. I aren't able to eat a lot but as I am not exercising at all and eat lollies all day to try and stay awake with the rest of the trainees i am not doing myself any favours. Its so scary to gain weight and I am always on edge about it. That's probably the biggest bummer of this journey - the fact that nothing has really changed and no eating/fat stresses have really left me cos I still constantly think of food/gaining/losing/what to eat or not to eat. I am at the point of asking my surgeon to take the band out and replace it with a sleeve but I don't really think he will although I am going to discuss it with him. The sleeve is where the stomach is stapled to a tiny one (about the size of your little finger) the bonus is NO Follow up adjusting. The problem is that I still continue to make poor food choices and am right back at square one. I might be feeling like this due to being one month away from my 1st year bandaversary and I thought I would be at goal where as right now I cant see anything except that friggin 100 still in view! AHHHHHHHHH.
I also am in the process of a possible hysterectomy. Woo hoo. I say possible as I have been told that as I had a Cesarean I am at higher risk of some bloody thing but I switched off so don't know what that is. I am having a Mariner (not sure if that's the right spelling) put in on Monday to try and give me some 'wing free days' so I am really looking forward to that minor surgery NOT. I had to have an internal scan (sorry to all the boys reading this) which was a thrill a minute. I feel a bit ripped off as a girl today!
What else is going on? Mmmm oh yeah. I have conjuctivitis in one eye that wont seem to bugger off with antibiotics so thats a thrill. Why did I leave it so long to post. Shit I feel so much better now hehe.
I am not suppose to blog anything about my job for safety reasons (if anyone tracked down who I was I could be vulnerable so I am going to be extra careful with what I say. However I just want to add that I have two weeks left then my training is all over and I start in the real world. I feel quite anxious about it although I think once I am in doing it I will be so much better off than all this theory bullsh*t. Its doing my head in. I have had numerous spats with the trainers and another is brewing. Today I refused to take off my ISSUED jumper as it was 2 degrees and I have spent the last three weeks with a flu that I havent fully shaken off. Well that went down like a lead balloon and I am half expecting to get a detention or some bloody thing.
No more news from me for now. Sorry that it looks like a big bitch session but............................it is and plus you are a cheap counsellor lol. xx Dianne

Just a quick add on to the one below. My daughter got engaged to her fella last Sunday. They are marrying next Feb so that's my goal to lose a few more K's. So that at least was a good part of the week xx

What a bugger of week its been. No particular reason but its just been a pain in the neck and I am glad its over. I am having trouble with 'woman's' problems and weather that's causing my weight to stay stagnant I don't know but I just cant seem to budge the scales. My surgeon said to me to eat whatever I want cos I will lose weight cos I cant eat big quantities. Well baa baaow! Wrong! I can eat chips (cold) till the cows come home and I can eat enough to gain weight AND I can seem to eat any sort of cake I want that doesn't get stuck So, this week I am going to behave and move the scales and I am going to get back into exercising.
Training has been tough. I really struggle with the militant side of it as I have already said. I just don't think when I am there about hierarchy etc. I have always had a problem with people or the perception that people are talking down to me. Last week I was freezing and walking along with my hands in my pocket when this booming voice behind me said 'Ms M...., are your hands cold?' I replied 'yes freezing, thanks for asking'. It didn't occur to me that I was being told in a round about way to get them out of my pockets and it wasn't until someone poked me in the side and said 'get your hands outta your pockets' through gritted teeth did it click! Then I really screwed up on Friday and got in huge trouble. We had a guest speaker and I swear this man looked like Abe Lincoln. He started his talk and I don't know where he was from but he had an incredibly thick German or Polish accent. I got the giggles. I couldn't stop. The more i tried to the more I cried with laughter. It had this huge roll on effect and suddenly half the class were almost off their chairs with laughter. This lasted for an hour. When we got back to class the manager and another came in and screamed at us. It was warranted and bloody rude of me I know but I just couldn't get my act together. Oh well - shouldnt beat myself up I guess. I just wish it was all over and I could get into the actual job. Well I will sign off now and go for a walk. Have a good week and dont have your hands in your pocket either lol

It feels like such a long time since I last posted. I have lost the 4kg I gained after the chicken incident so I am thrilled with that. I haven't been all that well with a combination of sheer exhaustion, a cold and 'ladies problems' so I am feeling extra knackered.
I have just finished one of the hardest weeks of training so far where it was all about learning weapons and self defence which was so difficult for someone who struggles with violence and even though I know I may need to use this one day (prayerfully not) its still a huge shock and really hard to change my thinking. I managed to end up in tears twice throughout the week and yesterday I - and the trainers thought I had broken my arm after one of the actors that is used to act violently towards us whacked me so hard I went flying! I got home last night and literally could not lift my arms any higher than about 8 inches from my side. I got capsicum sprayed on Wed and let me tell you it was the most excruciating thing I think I have ever done. It was freaking miserable in fact I was so naive to it I thought I was going to have a panic attack. My face and mouth and eyes and forehead and hand burnt like they were in hot fat. Honestly, it was bloody crazy it was so sore. It took a good 30 minutes of dousing myself before I could feel ok enough to keep my eyes open. Never again that's for sure!
I have a number of clashes throughout the week with my trainers as they have been very militant and I struggle beyond belief with that but at the end of the day I got through and ultimately I can now throw someone off me should I end up with someone on top of me on the ground and I can hook punch, bitch slap, front strike quite well so all in all it was quite successful or it will be when the bruises go away!
My mum and dad in law are here from NZ for the next three weeks so I am off to start cooking dinner. Catch you soon xx

Yippee its the end of another week training and I am sooooo glad! Training is long and hard and full on. There is not one minute of the day that isnt accounted for and its driving me nuts trying to get use to the regimentedness of it (if there is such a word). I spent Monday and Tues at the work place and that was great. Its nice to finally put places and procedures into place cos until now I couldn't figure out what most senior officers were even talking about. I have come down with the heaviest of head colds which is a bummer as the academy where i am training is an old prison and I swear its about 10 degrees colder than anywhere else. I think it would be warmer standing in a puddle of cold water outside than wrapped up and inside the building. My weight is heading up a wee bit due to the fact I can eat copious amounts more than I could before I got the chicken stuck. I am feeling quite desperate about it and am wanting to desperately get a fill but cant get in for two more weeks. I can eat a whole bread roll (filled) now and dessert. Not liking this at all. Its a very low feeling and psychologically all these thoughts go through my mind like 'look how fat I have gotton' and my pants wont fit me anymore even though its only about 3kg I have gained.
The other thing that happened this week is that I put my sweet (really lovely) little canaries outside in the sun on Wed and yesterday I remembered them. That means that they were in the night temp of 4degrees and they were both lying on the cage floor with there little feet up in the air! How bad am I? Oh my gosh. I feel sick that I forgot about them and they had this antarctic type death. I wondered if I could warm them up and they might defrost a bit and spring back into life but nope that didn't work (I put the cage in the laundry with the dryer going) so they were buried. I asked the Senior Officer if I could fly the flag at half mast but he wasn't impressed! Well I am off to have a glass of Dolcetto Syrah. Blog ya soon xx

I have just been talking to my sister and she said she wanted me to update so here it is. I am back in training this week and will be for the next 11 weeks. The training is paramilitary meaning it parallels with with military and this is where I come a little unstuck. I do understand that the job needs to be very disciplined but and for me it is a big but I have never been able to get into that who military training thing and have often thought they are sort of ......................tosserish! Not that there is anything wrong with someone choosing that career its just I never would. So on the first day when Sargent says we will 'muster' I didn't have a bloody clue what they were talking about. I quickly realised it was to line up but when he bellowed at me to 'not dare be holding my cup of coffee' I spluttered through gritted teeth 'are you talking to me?' Then when he said 'Miss, don't you ever stand with your hands in your pockets' I found it very difficult to hide my disdain and not giggle 'how bout you go get a life'! I have gotten better and I haven't had many more growlings but that's mainly cos I have decided to hang at the back rather than the front of the muster. Today we disarmed a bomb only we blew up so that wasn't much good. Don't be too alarmed as it was a team building exercise so even though I blew up the team I at least don't have to really try and disarm a bomb lol. We have to iron our uniform with such precision that its starting to scare me as ironing is most definitely not a strong point with me. I have been too scared to sit down in case I get bellowed at for the creases on my arse. Today I had to keep going to the loo and I was convinced that Sargent was gonna yell at me for the time spent out of the classroom so I had it all planned that I was going to ask him if he had any tips on changing a tampon fast as I couldn't get my time under 5 minutes but luckily he didn't ask as I might just have gotten fired! I am really enjoying the course and am trying hard to conform but it is a challenge. Well I am off to bed as one thing for sure is that if I dont get a good nights sleep I just about go mental trying to stay awake and I do believe that Sarg is gonna be really pissed at me if I start snoring. Check out the uniform xx

Hello Hello Hello

Well it feels like ages since I last posted when really it hasn't been but it still feels like it. I have had a very eventful week and am very glad its Friday! I got through the events of last weekend OK and on Tuesday I rang my surgeons office and begged BEGGED for an appt to see someone that day as I was starting my job in the Prisons on the Wed. They said they would see me and I rushed in there rejoicing at the thought of getting my 4mils back. I saw the Dr and she weighed me which showed me at 95kg which isn't nearly as bad as I` thought it might have been as mum really did do some pretty yummy cooking while she was here. Anyway, the Dr said she rang my surgeon when she heard I was coming in and he said I could only have 2mils back which has turned out to be not nearly enough as I can eat way too much. Its still a bit of restriction and she said I can have the rest back in two weeks so I'm ok with that. Wed I started my new job and I am thrilled with the great bunch of people I am working with. I thought they might have a few boofy head type personalities there but nope they are all great and I think may even turn out to be life long friends. The training has been really interesting except the legislation jargon but apart from that its been interesting and I have loved it. Still a bit scary though! I had to re do my fitness test today and was relieved when I passed it especially since I haven't exercised for about 7 weeks apart from the very very very occasional run or treadmill. I got my uniform a couple of days ago so that was exciting but I haven't worn it yet. I will sign off now and will post again in the middle of next week. xx Dianne

I am sitting here on a very very bleak day tapping my fingers on the computer desk wondering if I need to contact my surgeon so I thought I would blog instead lol. I don't know what has happened but yesterday I had a wing from KFC (theres my first mistake) and I was really hungry (second mistake) and I ate it too quick (bingo for a hatrick). I was driving at the time and had to bring most of it back up and even then I stayed very uncomfortable. Later that day I was at the pools with the young fella and his mate and I bought them some hot chips but I couldn't even keep one down so as I didn't want anything last night I didn't eat anything else. This morning I got up late so about 11 had a Weight Watchers cake and a small drink which I couldn't keep down and have just lost everything including fluids since. I have txt my surgeon so will wait to hear from him. I am thinking something from the chicken is stuck and I may have to had the band loosened to let whatever it is go then re tightened. Anyway I will wait and see. I start my prison officer training on Wed so blimmin hope this is sorted by then! Hope all is well with you all xx for now
PS I just got home from the hospital. We went out to dinner and after a whole evening of taking a tiny mouthful and then rushing off to try and remove it my husband took me up to the hospital I had the band done in. There was a duty GP and she arranged for me to be transferred to another public hospital to have some fluid taken out but apart from that and her very nice manner she was useless as she didn't know what to do and even said it (never mind still she smiled when she charged me $80!) lol. Just as we were leaving to go to the other hospital my surgeon rang and said he was in Sydney but to stay put as he was sending a specialist down to take some fluid out so that whatever was blocking could pass through and 30min later that's just what happened. I drank a huge glass of water after it and was sent home. Oh the relief. I will go back in a few weeks and have the fluid put back in but have to wait for the stomach to settle down due to the swelling. Ah alls well that ends well xx

Hello all. Its been a few days since I last posted and although i don't have much to blog about I am able to say that I have put on about 3kg in as many days due to my mothers visit and the home cooking that has taken over my house! I don't think I have had as much cream. sugar eggs or butter in my house ever as I have in the last couple of weeks. I have trekked backwards and forwards to the supermarket at least once a day to stock up any dwindling supply or anything that may have even remotely looked like it was going to run out. Mum made a coffee cake yesterday which was no where near as good as the three inches of fudgey coffee icing on top of it and why is it that I have to go and puked up the veges and roast that I eat but the cakes trifles and piklets just cruise on past the band giving it a gleeful finger as they do I'm sure. Even Andy is saying between mouthfuls of delicious gooey treats 'we really must get back on our diet'. My mum just cant seem to help herself when it comes to stocking up and I make no secret of the fact that I cant seem to help myself eating it. Mum goes home this Saturday and although I will be sad I can hear my surgeon say 'oh thank God for that'. lol. She will certainly be leaving a chokers pantry and fridge and a well watered garden behind and a daughter with a slightly larger behind of her own. Well I best be off to bed and ready myself for another day in the kitchen (its peanut brownies and ginger crunch tomorrow). I finished up at my job yesterday and I am so glad about that. I will miss some of my work colleagues but not much else except maybe the pay packet until my new job starts on the 04/06 but then again I think my pantry will keep us going for a good couple of months and if it doesn't the butter supply will. I'll blog again soon and tell you about the copious amounts of exercise I will be doing to get off the extra kg's xx

Its a bizarre world we live in.

I just wanted to quickly blog cos something really bizarre came to light today and I'm so dumbfounded that I had to type. My son has had a RVO (restraining order) taken out against him. May I just say without too much detail that this son of mine has done some very challenging (challenging to my sanity that is) things in his life but for once I can honestly say that this RVO is a nasty nasty woman who saw an opportunity and gleefully took it to make life really hard for my son. Anyway, we are challenging this in court but in the mean time yesterday two of the people named in the RVO tried to contact my son by mobile phone so I rang the police and asked if they could please contact these people and tell them they are breaking their own order and not to contact my son (sorry trying not to use his name), The police asked what limitations are on the RVO and I read out what they were. No contact to be made either in person or by txt or e mail or within so many metres of their house or he mustn't get a third party to contact them on his behalf. Ah said the constable. We have a bit of a problem. Because the order says that a third person must not contact them on behalf of my son then the police cant contact them cos they are considered a third party and would have to arrest my son for breaching the order! Lord give me strength!!!!!!!!!! and patience.....................now! So if son gets any more calls or visits from the ferrals then no one can speak to them about it as son would be arrested for using a third party to contact them. Go figure. The law really is an ass!

I am sitting here with my head cocked to one side holding the phone on my shoulder listening to some pianoist playing in my ear as I wait for Sven to take me off hold and talk to me about my taxes , now thats a fun way to spend this cold wet morning. I just wish Sven had a better command of English cos I keep having to say 'what was that' and 'sorry Sven, I dont understand what you are saying' when really what I want to say is 'AHHHHHH you are messing with my head here and my life and if you get this wrong Sven then I am gonna be nailed to the friggin wall by your invisable employer!' So the music plays on. I am still on holidays from work but I havent done a lot except eat and eat some more. I seem to be at the shops all the time with my mum to stock up anything that the grocery store has that my pantry is missing. I talked her out of making a carrot cake yesterday but its back on the agenda today however I think since my brother has been dallying in a gluten free life she has decided to make one with GF flour as if somehow that makes it healthier. Oh well Ill lose it once she goes home I guess! Well Sven got back to me and after a very frustrating disjoined conversation I have hung up. I HATE trying to deal with the ATO. I had two attempts at getting hold of them in which I was told by an automated service that 'we are sorry but we cant talk to you today as we are too busy' and ' try again another day' AHHHHHH. Oh well at least the longer I take to sort my debt the more interest is being accumilated so thats got to be a positive thing - doesnt it! No more news here. I wont be updating a wieght until the end of June as I need mum recovery time lol. I am looking forward to my new job now which is a good feeling. Will update again soon xxx

Changes in the air

Good Morning. Well we are all moved and settled. My mum arrived from NZ safely and I feel like the last few weeks has been like a build up to a wedding where I wasnt able to do anything more towards the big day until the day before but then everything comes to gether and even though the stress levels are through the roof you can at least start moving on so now all this new faze stuff is happening. I am resigning from my job today and will leave in a week although a good part of that last week I am taking holidays so I will in essence only truly work for another 3 days yahoooooo! I work with some great people and am going to miss them but I am so glad to be waving goodbye to the organisation and the job itself. I start my new job on the 04/06 and now I am quite looking forward to it. I have met another person who I will be working with and he has been there for 9 years so it was good to hear some positive stuff cos up until now its mainly been negative. My band news is small. I seem to be at just about the sweet spot where I can eat a small amount but enough to feel satisfied. I struggle daily with not choosing bad foods and as mum is here and she is the type of person that doesnt move too far from the kitchen i have found that a challenge this week. I got home last night and found myfruit bowl had two bananas and a pear in it (which I put there) and underneath them were hundreds of lollies! So all night I tried to fight the urge to chew them up and listened to my mum and husband rattle around amoungst them until I finally caved and ate half a dozen! Then mum says 'oh Dianne, dont eat those'!!! We have also had a night of pikelets and cream and jam and cream cake. The best way to describe my mum is to say she is like one of those little Italiano woman who is always kneeding dough or stirring the pot of preserves. Our whole family have used the kitchen table to rotate around socially so its a very hard habit to break and it makes me sad cos in my family I dont think there is one that is in control of their eating or weight and every conversation revolves around the battle of the bulge whilst eating delicious unhealthy food. I am a long way from breaking these habits though and as I see mum once a year I want to just enjoy the time with her and not obsess about whats going in my mouth or calories etc. Anyway Im off to have brekky then to this job for one of the last times. I might just celebrate with some pikelets .........'mum, heat up the fry pan'!

AHHHHH I just had all my hair cut off. AHHHHHHH what was I thinking? I heard the voice. The one that is ever so quiet but powerful enough to make you think mmmmmmmmmmm what the heck am I thinking. ((((((((((HELLO)))))))))))) dont do it!!!!!!!!!1 But I did and OH MY GOODNESS IM AN OLD PERSON. I have this thing about me and short hair and I always think that I look heaps older with it. I come from a long hair phobic family (yessss Im talking to you sister lol) and I am the opposite but now I have joined the ranks and become 'one' with short hair. The reason I got it cut was that my official pack came from the prison and I figured that I would get annoyed with my hair and as I have to tie it with a lacky and that gives me headaches I STUPIDLY ON IMPULSE went and got it cut. Luckily the girl did an ok job cos usually I end up looking like a cone head or a triangle head lol. Right Im off to have a stiff drink of water lol Blog again soon xxxxx Check out the photo eeeeeeek!

Hello all. So much is happening in our lives at the moment that I am just taking time to have a breather before I start another day. We have sold our house. That's the first thing and what a long drawn out rigmarole it is. We didn't think the sale was going to happen then we did then we didn't so its all been about...............waiting. It seems to be a season of just waiting and as I am a control freak I find waiting really difficult especially as so much has depended on what the outcome of the wait will be. We couldn't get a rental until the house sale was finalised and the buyers signed off on the deal and as it is a landlords market at the moment and every agency wants a weeks rent as an application fee (they call it an 'option fee' but blowed if I know what part is the OPTION cos no pay means no apply) and if you put in more than one application and happen to be offered more than one then you lose your OPTION fees on all the others! Now how legal that is I don't know but it sure puts me off applying for more than one. So last week I applied for a house and it took them a whole week to tell me that one of the other 30 applicants had been more successful so I started this week without knowing if we would have a home on Friday which is suppose to be settlement day. Anyway we finally got offered a place yesterday and we grabbed it so at least we have a place to live especially as my mum arrives from NZ on Friday and I was thinking she may have to have the bus stop seat while we have the grassed area! Then yesterday our settlement agent said she didn't know if the banks would be ready to settle by Friday. They do my head in! I am still waiting for my official letter from the Prison service offering me a job so surprise, surprise its another wait. At least my boss had some sympathy for me and gave me this week off. Anyway I best go and get some housework done - woo hoo. Hey on the up side the stress must be causing me to eat less cos I am 93kg today! Always look for a silver lining lol Have a good week xx PS Not sure if you scroll to the bottom of the page but there are some newish photos of me.It still feels like such a long way to goal especially when I look at photos but I just have to keep focused on how far I have come.

I am 95kg today! I cant believe that I am nearly in the 80's. Its been 7 years since I was there and then it was for the shortest time. I have had a very reflective weekend after I spoke to a very dear friend who had a massive health scare last week. I don't know what happens in our lives to make us give up on ourselves and then time and family and jobs and everything else just takes over and suddenly YEARS have gone and we are older, fatter, unfit, and tired and it all just feels too hard and too much to change. I am asked all the time if I regret or am glad to have had the band and up until now I have always kind of shrugged and said its not for everyone and I have had my regrets. I think sometimes because I have been embarrassed that I had to go to the measures I did to lose weight and often the people that ask me are not or have never struggles with true obesity and so I feel uncomfortable trying to explain/justify my choice of the band. Anyway after thinking about my friend I have decided that the band is a blimmin good idea for anyone who is at the end of their weight loss tether and wants to achieve permanent weight loss and change their lives in a very positive way. I still put in mammoth amounts of effort (and sometimes I fail and get frustrated) but all in all the band is the tool that has got me to where I am today including the change in my career. If anyone is thinking of the band I would seriously say (after you have seen Dr's etc) go for it PROVIDING you are willing to make life changes and exercise too. Finally, to my wonderful friend who will be reading this. I love you and am praying for changes in your circumstances. Hang on in there chick because life is going to get better xxxxxxx

Pinched this off a site cos I loved it. Enjoy

A garden for daily living
Plant three rows of peas:
Peace of mind
Peace of heart
Peace of soul
Plant four rows of squash:
Squash gossip
Squash indifference
Squash grumbling
Squash selfishness
Plant four rows of lettuce:
Lettuce be faithful
Lettuce be kind
Lettuce be happy
Lettuce really love one another
No garden should be without turnips:
Turnip for service when needed
Turnip to help one another
Turnip the music and dance
Water freely with patience and Cultivate with love.
There is much fruit in your garden
Because you reap what you sow.
To conclude our garden
We must have thyme:
Thyme for fun
Thyme for rest
Thyme for ourselves

4 Months on................

Hello all. My blog has become a bit off the weight loss journey and more on entering the prison service! I will get back to the weight loss journey very soon but wanted to let you know whats been happening on the prison stuff. As you all know I had the stupid literacy test and once again thought I had failed and might I say for good reason one of them being that on the last page of questions I just thought 'flag it' and guessed every answer without reading any questions. So as you can imagine I was completely shocked to be told the next day that I had 'passed with flying colours'!!! I still can't believe that! So all I had left was the fitness test which was booked in for 11.30am yesterday 12/04. I arrived after a very restless nights sleep. I think Andy and i thought I was training for some elite race or something. Andy woke me with a poached egg on toast (good protein apparently) and then a cup of tea. I was so nervous. ................................to be continued.
Sorry I had to go to work but now I'm back. So as I was saying I was so nervous the morning of the fitness test I felt like I had butterflies and caterpillars in my tummy. I arrived at the training centre at 10.30 hoping to watch someone else and to calm a bit. The 'commando' introduced himself and said that he was the fitness instructor for all the recruits and that we had to reach this minimum standard to be considered for a position and that he would not tolerate any weak attempts and expected full achievement to receive a pass. Well my nerves by this stage were jangling around. He said I looked really stressed which didn't help me at all. I thought I would be possibly ok if I could do the push ups first then the shuttle run then the agility test cos I felt that I would have the strength at the beginning to do the push ups but if they were last I wouldn't. I asked commando and he said 'nope, the order is shuttle then agility then push ups EEEEEEEK! He showed us how to do the shuttle run told us to warm up then we would start. I don't even know how you warm up so I just walked around looking like a twat! So then we lined up (there is me and two guys) one of whom is repeating his first attempt at the shuttle run. We start to the cd and we are off. Once I got to 2.8 I just thought I can do this and before I knew it I was told to stop as I had completed my shuttle run . The guy who was on his second attempt bombed out then too so that was it for him, The other guy finished. Then I had to the agility which I blitzed in 7.9 seconds. I had 8 seconds to do it. Then came the push ups and I was stressing. The commando said that we had to do them like 'this' and proceeded to show us what was expected of us. He showed us what was a fail and especially pointed out that not going down low enough would not be accepted. He said that he would repeat the number if we did one wrong. So I got down and into position. He said right go. I went down as low as I could and up. He said 'one'. I did it a second time a squeezed my eyes shut expecting to hear 'one' again but he said 'TWO". Wow I was pumped and thought 'I can do this". I went down again and came up to a 'three' and so on until I went down for the seventh and made that horrible grunting sound that says 'I am in pain here and not sure I can do this'. Commando lent right down and said 'don't you give up on me now. Suck it up and do it'. And I did! I passed the fitness test. I am truly proud of myself. I said at the start of this post that the blog had become all about the prison service but the fact is if it wasn't for the band I would never be where I am today and I am so grateful to have some life back. I am still around 96kg and part of that is I haven't been concentrating on good eating but more scoffing what I know will go down and that is usually high in calorie and I plan on changing that very soon now that my focus is a little less on achieving the fitness test goal. Thanks for reading about this journey I hope some of you are inspired to step out of your own comfortable boats and maybe go after something that you really want. Believe me, if I can you sure can. xx for now Dianne

So the saga continues

Just a quick post cos I want to update you on the Prison Service. This week I have the last two stages of the process. The literacy and the fitness. Now, although I don't have a particularly high opinion of myself out of all the stages of this ridiculous process the literacy is the only one I thought I would fly through not because I am particularly bright but I love reading and just life in general, the job I do and that I think my IQ is ok makes me think that I will do 'passable'. Well that little sucker was today and I turned up today and joined eight others for what I thought would be a bit of a breeze. OH BOY WAS I WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!! It was all multiple choice and ALL they were (I forget the name these questions have) but I could call them a colourful one, they were those questions that go ........... is to drink as bread is to,,,,,,,,,,, . Out of everything they could of given me these are the worst cos I have never got it. Never never never. I just really struggle with them. In the end I was just colouring in any little box I wanted to. I would look at my answer sheet and notice I had answered 5 C's in a row so thought I better choose a different answer for the next one. I really bungled it! Well I find out tomorrow and honestly if I pass it is a miracle from God cos I did not do it on my own that's for sure. Will post again after I have the results. On a footnote I would like to add, What the heck are these agencies thinking. I send in a resume which is good enough to get me a first interview. I then do 5 hours of psych testing all of which is reading and written. Then the panel interview and I have to write my answers to all the questions I am being asked and I have to submit that to them at the end of the interview so I can obviously read, comprehend and write. Why would they then put someone through this nonsensical process? Surely the fact someone can read and write bloody well should be enough? By the way the answer is Water is to drink as bread is to food. Yeah yeah yeah it all makes perfect sense once ya know the answer lol PPS I did actually get that one right cos it was one of the examples lol

I have just finished working so thought 'whats a good way to distress? What better way to vent than to post on the blog! I know that being a parking warden is truly scraping the bottom of the employment barrel but I would like to add that I also have little respect for someone who is going off at me because they have just been pinged for parking where they shouldn't. We have all done it (parked where we shouldn't and hope for the best) but really we all pretty much know that if we get caught we have to wear it so what the f**k are the matter with the people where I work. I go up to a car and say to the driver 'hi sir, you cant actually park here as you can see from the SIGN HANGING STRAIGHT ABOVE YOUR DUMB ARSE HEAD and he says 'so'. He says, 'I'm not moving'. Well, fair enough. I mean, why would ya! and that's what I said. 'Fair enough mate' but then hes really pissed at me when I hand him his $75.00 parking ticket and seems really freakin irate when I say just in passing as you do ' oh by the way, if you had of just parked over there it would have cost you 3 bucks for the whole night, but not to worry you have a nice night anyways! Tosser! I have the greatest of understanding for stupid laws and I fully concede that we don't have enough parking where its truly necessary ie hospitals and the like but its hardly my bloody fault is it! Then just to top a fabulous working evening off I have to train home with the drunks that want to fight over who should of, did or didn't win the game. By that time of night I want to scream at them that if they don't sit down and shut up I am gonna book them for parking where they shouldn't lol. Today it was widdling down with rain and we trudged around like bit fluro drips but I looked the prettiest because my glasses kept fogging up lol lol lol. Oh so attractive. Right I am off for a hot shower and a glass/bottle of Dolcetto Syrah and a good movie hopefully. Have a great weekend xx PS I forgot to tell you about this flustered lady who wanted me to guide her and her HUGE 4x4 into a parking bay. Now let me explain that I am super useless at two things in this life #1 is my sense of direction and #2 is parking into a straight on parking bay in a big vehicle. I sooooo didn't want to help this lady. Andy always says to me (when he is guiding me) things like left hand down, right hand down or whatever so here I am saying ok 'turn the wheel that way' while pointing up the road and straighten the wheels, no hang on I don't mean that sort of straight I mean turn the wheels so they are straight ahead towards the curb (well I was confused alot lol). Honestly the lady did this little bunny hop and I squealed at her to stop cos she was so close to the car beside her that I could not have gotten a piece of paper between the two vehicles. It was scary. In the end a bloke offered to help and I thanked him profusely and walked away super quick without meeting this womans eyes lol

Hi all. Im feeling such pressure cos a few people have told me they are waiting for a new post so now Im thinking ooooo errr what should I type. I do have some news. I had a car drive into the back of me at some lights on Saturday morning which caused enough damage for my car to be in the shop for a week. Thats a bummer! I rang the prison recruitment on Monday to see if they had any news on a pass or fail the panel interview and low and behold I passed. Im kind of hoping that I dont ever work with the beef head that was part of that interview because Im not convinced we are ever going to get along but anyway I am now working my butt off trying to get up to fitness level speed as I have that next week. I am so close to being at a passable push up stage but I dont think I am quite there so today my arms are so sore from practising that I can hardly get a coffee to my lips. I am trying but no gold star yet! All else is ok. I am now about 96kg which is exciting. I will post again in a few days xx

OK so when is the love of exercise suppose to kick in?? I want to be like the ad where you leap out of bed, jump out the window and start powering along with your stayfree's lol! Instead I wake up, rub my eyes while feeling around for my specs. Look out the window think nup flag that for a bad joke and spend the rest of the day sulking because I haven't moved my fat arse all day! Why is it so bloody hard? I still have times when I feel like my lungs are going to fall out - what the hell is that all about. I did the ladder 3x today with my friend Bernie from work. I felt like it was the first time I had done it as I gasped and held onto the hand rails as I went up. My weight hasn't moved lately because I have become a bit of a junk food eater and it doesn't take much to stagnate your weight loss. Oh well its all onwards and upwards from here I guess or backwards and downwards if I don't rein in the ol junk food I'm grazing on. I am dreading seeing my surgeon in two weeks. Eeeek. I did my first stint as a parking warden on Saturday night and I have to say its about as low as a person to go walking around pouncing on people who have parked in the wrong place. When someone yells at me 'why don't you get a real job' I just want to say ' Shit mate Ill take whatever you re offering' lol. I really do struggle being a parking Nazi as I have been called but then I see my pay packet and remember why I do do it but then I see my reflection in my uniform and I think ' NO amount of money is worth this shame lol. My uniform is a fluro shirt with reflector strips on it and black pants and shoes and socks and the most attractive (not) wide brimmed hat with City of Subiaco stamped across the front of it. I don't actually fit the hat so it perches itself up on my head and I look something like a Benny Hill impersonator. I even put my fingers to my head like a scout leader and practice saying 'troop Dianne reporting for duty' hehehehe I even have a walky talky (well not until I have earnt it) so I can walk around saying to my friend 'breaker, breaker rubber duck, you got your earrrs on good budddddy?' Hope you lot are all parking in the correct places cos you never know when this wee warden might be walking the beat lol lol lol I'm off to practice my walk for the beat lol xx

Its good friday

Hello all. Don't you just lovvve Easter? Man, I sure do. Well I have a wee bit to catch you up on. I got a phone call on Monday to say that the prison service had spoken to my Dr and were happy that my blood pressure was not going to be a problem and they would like me to attend the Perth Zoo (they have conference rooms) the next morning at 7.30am for a panel interview. I was in two minds about this because to be honest I am a bit over the whole drawn out process and also from time to time people really start to get up my arse and I really question political correctness and just want to tell people what I think their problem is, so, when that happens I'm best left alone to work it out until I get back on an even keel (this is usually a pre menstrual thing but who cares what the reason) anyhow I told the lady I would be there. I set off on our fantastic transport system which consisted of a train at 6.00am into Perth then a ferry across the river. It was very dark when I left but as the sun came up while I was on the ferry it made a beautiful, thoughtful start to the day. So I arrive at the zoo at 7.05am - better early and wait, than stressed out and late. So I got let into the zoo at 7.30am and was given 5 pages of questions that were going to be asked and I could write the answers down and then verbally give my response. At 8.15am this enormous prison officer greets me and takes me into the interview room where I am introduced to another little prison officer and they both sit down on one side of the desk and I sit opposite. So the interview begins. Now I have to tell you that it was about 15minutes into the interview when Mr Big really comes into his own and tries to act like a gruff, tough, try hard and weather that was his intention or not I don't know but as I explained earlier I wasn't in any mood to try and prove my worthiness to this clown so by the end of the interview and after I had told him I likened the two of them to Laurel and Hardy I left! One example was I was asked what was my understanding of the aboriginal people and what did I think some of their problems were and how would I solve these problems. Now this question really did stump me. I work for social welfare and I see one side of a particular race or age or attitude but you cant categorise one lot of people from my experience because its a much broader picture. So I said to Laurel I don't know how to answer this question and he looked at me really irritated and said 'Right if you are walking down a street and its sunset. Coming towards you are 6 white guys, dressed well obviously just finished work. How would you feel? I responded by saying 'fine'. Then he said You are walking down the same road at sunset and 6 drunk rowdy scruffy Aborigines are coming towards you. How do you feel? I said 'vulnerable'. He said ' and that's just stereo typing'. I said. 'no its not'. He said 'it is so' as he lent back in his chair with his arms folded. I lent forward and said if you had of said the six white guys were pissed I would have said I felt vulnerable too, but you didn't. I said, 'it was the word 'pissed'' that made me think I would have been open to a problem not the race. I could be wrong but he sure acted like I wasn't answering like he wanted me too. So, I now wait to hear what happens next but I'm pretty sure he wont be recommending me. If I do manage to get in I'm not entirely sure I will take the job although I'll obviously consider it then. I have been working in our local office this week which has been great for the no travel factor. I had a job interview on Thursday (another one at 7.30am in town) as a parking metre maid. Just while the footy season is on and just on the weekends so I start that tomorrow. That'll give me more experience in customer aggression : )
I'm only really taking it because it may give me a chance to get a full time job for the local council as a ranger. I quite like the idea of working outside and it ll be good exercise lol. I have continued on with jogging this week but I miss doing the ladder so I look forward to going back to my city office for the lunchtime torture. Well time to sign off. Happy Easter to you all. I hope you have a lovely one and enjoy a bit of choccy. Not me I'm getting through the licorice! Any idea what problems I might be having! xx PS I can run 4k's now without stopping.

My own little marathon morning

Woo hoo today I have the day off work. My eldest son has mental illness/brain injury and I have to take him to the Dr's which has taken me three weeks to get the appointment so I decided that I would also see my Dr and have all the usual ageing tests that one is suppose to have done so what a darn good reason to have a day off. I was feeling a bit flat because I wouldn't be doing Jacob's ladder with my work mate and am one of those people who needs a bomb under her butt to get moving so didn't think I would do any exercise today but...............................I got up, put on my runners and I jogged for 35mins straight! Yep 35 minutes. Woo hoo for me. By the time I got back onto my road I had the stupidest grin on my face and even though the sweat was pouring off me I could still breathe quite calmly. I felt fantastic. I got in the car and measured it out and I had run 3.7 K's. Honestly half way through I was talking to myself and it went something like 'cmon just to the next street then ok you can stop when you get to that house down there' etc and I did it the whole way till I saw my house. I feel really pleased to have accomplished this little goal. I will be happy when I can jog 10 K's and will slowly work my way up to that. After years and years of hearing 'exercise is a good thing' I think that 'they' might be right. xx

Howdy Doody all, Not a great deal to report. I am having trouble keeping food down because I am greedy and forget to eat slowly then oops "i did it again'. Andy and I trained up to Perth on Sat and did the (((ladder))) and it hurt soooo bad. We decided we would try for 5 and I managed 7 while Andy did 6. Honestly I thought I was going to die and even when people were catching up with me I just kept gasping and if they wanted to go around me then fine but I was in no mood to move aside for them ( I knew if I lost momentum then I would have to roll back to the bottom)! I did notice that I recovered very quickly and within seconds my breathing was back to normal. This is amazing considering I usually sucked away on inhalers and wanted to pass out. We then walked back to the food mall and had lunch only I couldn't manage it and ended up being sick so I gave up that idea and had a small gelato which was delicious but not necessarily a healthy food choice. When we got back to Rockingham we went to a movie and I chowed down lots of popcorn and a ice cream so I guess that degates any weight loss from all that exercise!! Today (Sunday) is our rest day. My legs don't even feel like they had a massive workout. Thats such a bonus of getting fitter. I now weigh 98kg and feel very thrilled with that. Anything from now on is just a bonus. Will post again soon xx

From her husbands perspective

Hi
I would like to say thanks to all those people who have taken the time to follow Dianne's journey and to comment.
This is the first time I have said anything on this site.
Let me start by saying that I too have always had a problem with my weight maybe not the same issues that Dianne was dealing with more like me just being lazy.
I have really seen a change in Dianne since she decided to go for the operation, she has been determined to loose weight and had lost quite a bit through dieting prior to the operation.
I was aware of what the operation was and what it involved, but until you experience it ,it doesn't seem so real. However now that we have experienced it for some time things like having lunch out together, me quietly eating, my wife productive burping beside me have taken some getting use to. Life is some what different but at least we are still spending time together.
I was going to start the process and as I sat in the surgeons office I decided I would give it a go by losing weight through diet and exercise. I started exercising like crazy and started to loose weight I am now also making much better food choices, currently I have lost 20 kilos.
I owe alot of this to Dianne who had the courage to have a life changing operation,I thought to myself that it was time for me to start changing,and I am.
My exercising has encouraged Dianne to really start and we now spend time doing that together as well.
I am extremely proud of my wife and will keep on encouraging her, she has done so well. I am much more used to productive burping and sliming now, and am happy to continue with my meal as though nothing is up.
But really there is no choice and nothing to grumble about, the choices ; have my wife around for a lot longer and healthier or to see her slowly killing her self,no choice at all.
This is an ongoing change, the surgery was only part of the process. It certainly is not the complete solution, There is still alot of work ahead of both of us ;I am just glad we can go through it together. Regards Andy

Anyone got a job going?

Hi all. Well I had one of those little 'life curve balls' thrown at me yesterday. Went for the medical for the prison service and failed due to high blood pressure. I find it all a little ironic as 6 months ago I was over 60 packets of butter heavier than I am no and I can jog and cycle and even do 6 YESSSSS 6 push ups and my blood pressure is the highest I have ever known it to be! I really arent that sad about the job although I think I would have enjoyed it I am realllllllllly gutted that for the first time in such a long time i had something that I had started really loving working towards (fitness test). I know I can find something else but right now I just wanna sulk for awhile. I am back to the job drawing board and want to put my middle finger up to every thought of exercise lol but I wont be beaten. Maybe this is what I need to make me think about my career choices. I kinda like the idea of working outside so may look at council work or something. Hey the good news is that when Doogie Howser (the Dr was about 12) weighed me I was under 98kg. That was exciting. Right must be off to see my GP now about a blood pressure plan and probably medication. What a shit! xx
PS I am back from the quack who gave me blood pressure pills and new inhalers. She said in her broken english that I will be on the meds for life! I dont agree with that and will now make it my mission to prove her wrong but will also take the meds until I know it is safe to trial coming off them. I havent exercised for two days and that will change from tomorrow because already I am feeling defeated and have a 'who gives a rip - what's in the fridge' attitude. So folks, onwards and upwards from tomorrow on. Thanks to the kind person who leaves me comments I really do love getting feedback. xx

This morning I was up and out the door at 7.30am so I could arrive nice and early totally not stressed to have my interview with the psychologist. Well I arrived in good time and was seen quite promptly and so began 70 minutes of 'so, how does it make you feel' sort of stuff. I really couldn't judge how I went by the end of it. I know some of my answers probably would have raised her internal eyebrows but I decided I wasn't going to compromise who I am for a job. She asked a lot about me and drinking! The questions were, do you consider you have a drink problem? Would others think you have a drink problem? How often do you drink? How much do you drink? When do you drink? Bloody hell by the end of it I wanted to say 'you don't happen to have a bottle of something stashed under your desk do you'? So once again its just wait, wait, wait! Tuesday is the medical and if I get any further than that I will have the fitness soon after the medical I imagine. I jogged 1.1km without stopping today and out of alllllll the crazy exercise stuff that was the most exhilarating thing I have done in a very long thing. It was absolutely fantastic to jog the whole way and see the end in sight knowing I hadn't stopped. It took about 6 mins so I don't have clue if that's good or bad all I know it was a terrific feeling. I know for many of you reading this that doesnt sound like much of a feat but for someone who has been so fat she has had to limp when standing up until her legs can hold her weight well I feel great. I havent a great deal that I am proud of in my life (except the usual of family and marriage) but I am really really grateful for what the band has given me and teh freedom I now have to live a more functional life. I don't think it is for every obese people and I wish I could have acheived where I am without it but for those that just can't battle obesity any longer it is such a blessing. Will post again mid week or once I here today's results x

Pppft to fitness

I am over it I tell ya (fitness that is). we bought a beep test CD and decided to practice cos its a big part of getting into the prison service we whoa its soooo hard. I thought that I had to get to level 7.1 and busted my ass over and over again but crapped out at level 3.2. Well I had a paddy and a grizzle and stamped my foot then I read the entry exam test sheet again and realised I read it wrong and I have to get to 3.6. Wooooo Hooooo at least I think I can make that within the time frame - its about 3 weeks till I have to do it. The push ups are still winding me up but I am gonna keep on huffing and puffing until I get it - well at least one of them anyway lol. I have to go and see the psych's on Saturday and I have to have a medical next week so Ill keep you posted. xx ciao for now from your friend the fitness try hard !!

I Passed

Just wanted to tell you all I passed the psych test and next weekend I have to meet with the psychologists and do a face to face. I have been trying to build my fitness up but have had a couple of shocking asthma attacks so thats scaring me a bit. I will persevere and go to the Dr next week if the weaze persists! x

What the!

Today I left for work at 5.45am so that I could take the train in with my bike. You arent allowed on the train during peak time with a cycle and you have to be out of the station by 7.00am so I wanted to play it safe and ended up getting to work at 6.30am AND IT WAS STILL DARK. I parked the bike in the basement and at 2.00pm I left work to cycle home. Once I got to the waters edge (Swan river) I knew I was in BIG BIG trouble because it was soooo windy that people were jogging past me - DON'T LAUGH. I pedalled for dear life and honestly I thought mine was gonna end it was so bloody hard going. Andy had said to me 'just wait till you have left the river you wont have any wind it will be totally sheltered'. Ummm WRONG. It blew and blew and I huffed and puffed. Honestly it was miserable and I was seriously thinking I would dump the bike in the grass somewhere and jump on a train. Well I persevered and apart from pulling faces and poking tongues at the racing bikes that went wirring past me I had a pretty ok attitude. Some of those racers bike pants cost more than my bike which I paid a grand $89.00 for from Target. Bloody show offs lol. Andy called me to see where I was and when I told him I was still a fair hike from home he came looking for me and I must say I was very glad to put the bike in the car 6km short of where I was going. We have our house on the market and our agent rang in the middle of a steep hill. He had some people to bring through the house and like I told him 'I cant breathe mate, I couldnt give a rip' lol. So that was the big bike ride for the day. I did manage to eat a bag of chips and a small picnic bar on the way though. How depressing. I probably didnt even work it all off. Now there's a great comforting thought to go to sleep on! Night night x

Flippin early start to a sunday!!!!

Well today started when the alarm went off at 5.45AM so that I could get ready for the psych test for the prison service. It was a bit of a struggle to get enthused about that I tell ya! I headed to Perth with my trustee navigator. I arrived at my destination at 7.10am almost going cross eyed from needing the loo. I had to find the nearest Macca's for the loo and so de stressed over a fantastic coffee for another 20 minutes then headed back to the acadamy. It was such a long process from there. 4.5 hours of questions and more questions. Honestly they were the most stupid questions and then you had to give an answer. Things like 1. Do you get so angry that you want to hit some one or throw things or 2. Do you like to regularly read about murders and violent crimes..................... Well the answer is no to both! But you had to give an answer. 4.5 hours of that! Anyway its over now and I shall just wait and see. Will let you know when I hear. I am heading to work at 5.45am tomorrow so that I can take my bike on the train (not aloud on the train after 7am until 9am weekdays) and then I will cycle home again as it is a cool 27 tomorrow. I am going to fit in a ladder as well. I am on a bit of a mission as I just ate 2 chewy chocolate bar things and half a moro (like a mars) bar. I also ate some rice and gravy tonight which is quite solid after a few days of smoothies alone. We went out for dinner two nights ago and I managed to lose probably about $15 worth down the loos. Will post soon. See you x

Tour de Perth

Andy and I cycled from Kwinana to Perth today. Its about 33 kms and I must say that by the time we started cycling back I was really feeling it in my arse and legs. We jumped on a train home from the Canning Bridge station so in total probably rode 36kms. We had a sandwhich when we reached Perth but I couldnt keep it down so luckily I had taken a bag of lollies and I ate some of those for some glucose. We set out at 10am and was in Perth by 12.00pm so I was rapt with that time especially as this was our first attempt. I feel really good now we are home but very sore butt. Its magic riding along the Swan river. I really felt like I had achieved something. Will post again on Sunday xx (after the psych test)

A psych test to make you nuts!

Quick post to update. I can't find it anywhere but I thought that I had posted that I had put an application form to the prison service to become a Prison Wardon. Well yesterday I got a letter to advise that this sunday they want me for 4 hours to complete a psych test. ((((4)))) hours worth. So I am contemplating weather I will even go for it not because of the test but because I aren't sure I even want to do it. I still can't decide what I want to be when I grow up. I think one of the really off puters is the fitness test and the 7 push ups - man style and the beep test which is kinda making me gulp. I am pretty sure I can fluke the psych test but on the ground trying to heave out 7 push ups is not quite inspiring me. I will keep you updated. This whole fitness thing is fun when you don't have to do it but the thought of trying to keep it to a level that I can scale a wall chasing some prison leaves me thinking I'm likely to say 'ah, let em go' or 'I'll grab the tazar' lol. Anyway I'll keep you posted on the decision.

And then we did it again!

Andy and I got up this morning (sunday) and decided to have another crack at Jacob. Andy said 'we will try for three' in which of course I replied 'gulp, yeah sure hon'. Why I didnt just say 'are you freaken NUTS' I dont know but I didn't. So off we go and arrive in town (40 min away) park and walk up the humungous hill from hell and get to the top of the ladder. I skip down to the bottom and slowly make my way up. I get to the top and start decending again. Once at the bottom I figure I can do this and go back up. Now by the time I am half way up I am thinking 'this is really hurting'. I get to the top and was I glad to get there! Now I really wanted to say to Andy 'nope thats me' but instead I wont be beaten and head down again. I get to the bottom where we both start the last climb. There are heaps of people going up (overtaking me) and down (looking at me with HUGE PITY in their eyes). Some people even patted me on the back as they passed and asked me if I was ok! I think that it had something to do with the strange sucking in air noises I was making and the distinctly unattractive purple shade I seemed to be turning. Well in the end I made it. My legs were so jellyfied that when I walked back to the car (down the massive hill) I walked on the grass and made Andy walk in front of me so he could stop me rolling if I buckled lol. Funnily enough Andy was asking me if my legs were sore tonight cos his were. lol lol lol. Mine aren't which is just as well cos I have to do it all again tomorrow. After my last fill I have huge restriction so keep getting sick especially as I eat too fast and leave it till I am so hungry that I gobble food down. Still working on that one. Post again soon xx Dianne

luckily I can sit to type

Andy and I did Jacobs ladder 2x and the really steep climb to get to it. Blimmin puffed out now though. The photos arent that good but gives you an idea of it. I bought some wrist weights on the way home just to add more misery to these silly ventures! x

Morning all. I am off to do Jacobs ladder this morning with Andy so this will have to be quick. I got up early to try a jog but I went two lamp posts/walk two/jog two...walk three/jog one thought ppft I dont think so, warbled home, only actually went to the end of our road and back but I made sure I jogged the last two to our house (so I looked impressivly red in the face) only I ran in the door huffing and puffing and master 11 said 'wow mum you were quick the same ad segment is still on the tv as when you left'! Not feeding him tonight lol. So we are going to do Jacob then swing by Freo for lunch. I bought all size 16 clothes yesterday so I think I can safely assume that I have pretty much arrived at that size. Not bad since I started at a comfortable 22. I feel good. I have started having a glass of red every night as they say its good for you. I asked my boss if he new of a really sweet one as they all taste like vinegar to me. He told me to try Browns Brothers Doncetto which I did and OH MY GOSH its delicious. I drank the whole bottle so I figure my antioxident level is right up there! Not going to have any now for another week but man it was good. I will try and get a photo of the ladder today and post it tomorrow. Will catch up again in the next couple of days. Bye for now Dianne

Its been a while

Hi all, Well its been a fair while since I posted and I would personally like to thank my dear friends at Telstra Big Pond for that. I am very happy to say we have finally parted company and I hope that that particular business falls into a big pond! Anyway I am now with another provider who only has you on hold for 40mins at a time instead of Telstra standard 80 minutes so thats gotta be better for a start. I have been to see my surgeon on Monday 4th Feb and was 102kg which is a 6.5kg loss since I last saw him 8 weeks ago. 8 weeks seems a long time and 6.5kg doesnt seem to be that much but in old terms its another whole stone down, so I guess that calls for a woo hoo. I have definatley had times in the last month where I have thought 'what the hell did I do this to myself for?' I have had some real battles with eating food and keeping it down and finding that the good stuff gets stuck and the junk shoots through is really tough for someone who has spent her life making shocking food and quantity choices. I spent the last 3 weeks doing Dr Atkins protein diet and kick started my wieght loss again but at the same time its a struggle when the whole purpose of this band was so that I could (or thought I could) forget 'dieting' and just live life. Anyway after my wiegh in with Dr Hamdorf I flagged the whole idea of Dr Atkins and have resumed just normal eating habits. I had a 1 ml adjustment to the band which had made it very tight - 9.5mls in a 11 ml band. I now can only eat tiny amounts and very limited on the foods. Summer fruit is soooo out. I dont think I will have another adjustment again for a long time. My friend and I at work are walking each lunch time and doing Jacobs ladder. For those of you who dont know Jacobs ladder is 240 stairs that go up the side of kings Park. The first day took us an hour to do the whole route now we are down to 35min so its getting easier and now when we get back to work my legs dont shake involuntarily lol.
Its certainly been a painful experience but becoming ummm more comfortable - I just cant say enjoyable. Andy and I are continuing with our bike riding and other forms of exercise which is great and he is getting quite buff. I have applied for a job as a Prison Warden so I have to master 7 mens style push ups. I am up to 4. At least I havent landed on my nose.............yet! Will post again soon cos I can now. ciao for now Dianne

I have a couple of days off work (woo hoo) so thought I would do a quick update. I am hovering around 103 - 104kg. I wish that I could stay away from the scales cos I know its no way to run your life or have your life run by scales but its also the one way of having some (hopefully) positive results from some hard yards. I aren't doing the whole band diet correctly and I definitely know how to cheat it if I want treats but I am also aware that I am only cheating myself so I do try to stay on track. I can eat a side plate size meal now which I am comfortable doing especially if it is a good meal of veges and meat. If I want to I can probably eat a small pudding after it but mostly I don't want too. If I really want something sweet like my beloved Christmas plum pudding I have it rather than dinner. I still find it very difficult not to graze but continue to keep trying. I caught up with a work colleague yesterday after three months and she was shocked at the difference in me. Its a buzz when that happens but I get a bit shy from the attention too. I stopped in and saw another friend the other day and she was also shocked at the weight loss. She is really struggling with losing weight herself and I felt so bad for her. I remember only too well what that desperate feeling of the tunnel with no light is like when it comes to trying to Lord over weight control. I saw my nut case mental sister (long story) the other day and she walked straight past me which was really exciting cos I didn't get her daggers like usual hehe. I am still trying to do the walking or biking thing but time passes so quickly that its often a day or two before I have another go at it. I walked home from the new train station yesterday which was the first time I had been there and so when I left the train station I headed towards the road via the car park but by the time I had got to the end of the carpark and realised it was all gated and I had to either hurdle the fence - ppfft yeah right or walk all the way back and around I nearly called it quits and jumped on a bus but I didn't. Well I'll be off now to sort out my son who is flying to NZ on Saturday to spend a couple of weeks with his Grandma and Grandad in Christchurch. Oh for some kiwi Fush and Chups!!! xx

Merry Christmas and all that.

Gidday. Its been ages since I last posted mainly due to it being Christmas and New Years.I survived it all ok although the scales have moved down they stuck hard and fast for a couple of weeks as punishment for not sticking to healthy eating (something that I am still struggling to get back into). Christmas for me is about Christ then FOOD. I do all the pressys and things but mostly after my faith its all about the food. I decided this year not to buy much as we had breakfast at my eldest sons place and dinner at my daughters so this was a good opportunity to not overdo it. However, I dont need to buy much before I start to 'overdo' it. Just the kids treats alone leave me enough scraps to 'go hard' and I just delve into the left over choccy stockings and eat up the cherry ripes which everyone hates even me but waste not want not is the Dianne motto! We had crayfish for breakfast Christmas morning. I must say I arent a great crayfish fan but hey it was there for the taking so I took some chew chew chew then woops sick! Sorry about the wastage son! Then came the pancakes and ............ burp yep that was a waste too. I managed to keep the bacon down and some juice. Dinner I did much better and found that the pork crackle slipped down nicely. After Christmas all the chrissy puddings and cakes became 70% off so I just fought and fought the urge to buy stacks of them and in the end I gave up the fight and bought 4 but.................two are still in the cupboard lol. Its a real battle to fight the old habits and urges. The quantity I can eat is remarkably smaller but I still try to eat more than I should before I take myself by the ear to the corner of the room and give myself a good talking to! I hope you folk all had great festive times and didnt over indulge too much. New Years was very dry for me which I dont ever feel too worried about mainly (apart from seeing others act like twats) I cant see the point in such empty calories when you can have Christmas cake and custard mmmmmmmmm. Andy and i have been biking as part of our new years resolution. After the last attempt of about 20kms I have had a couple of days break to try and get the feeling back into my arse. Well thats it for me. Will type again in a week. Happy New Year to you all xxx